AIBU to refuse to host Xmas dinner?

[CiritheLionessofCintra]

Another Xmas one but just that really. DH and I have always had Xmas at our own home instead of trailing our 3 DC around to visit everyone. We find it more of a hassle getting DC read and dragging them away from their toys or trying to drag the toys with us! We much prefer our routine of open presents, then have dinner then have visitors. Yesterday PIL were visiting and MIL brought up Xmas, asking us our plans, asking DC what Santa was bringing them ect before announcing that she, FIL, SIL, YSIL, BIL and BIL's DW would be joining us for dinner on Xmas day. I flat out refused.

So I don't drop feed, my reasons are first and foremost she didn't ask, she just announced they would be coming which I find rude, she usually pulls stunts like this and I'm currently 6 months pregnant with DC4.

Now, my problem. MIL huffed after that and left. Not too soon after I get a call from DH asking what I'd done to upset his mother and why I was rude to her! I explained what happened and DH wants me to reconsider.

AIBU to refuse and stand my ground?

Well then, I guess things didn't turn out the way MiL expected them to, did they? GOOD!

I agree with Wyld, there may be a 'delayed reaction' with your DH once he realizes that he's cut his family off (deservedly so) and he may need your support to keep believing it was the right thing to do.

So when I was very pregnant and with older dc at home and everything planned for us being at home with invited guests, I was taken into hospital with complications.
I was allowed out for Xmas Day as long as I sat on the sofa. I did the veg Xmas Eve whilst DH took care of everything. On Xmas Day I sat on the sofa with a list of timings and DH and the guests responded to orders :) It was splendid. And I went back to hospital with all well :)
Anything else is a liberty.
It's great DH has had the lies from them but he might need a bit of cosseting through the shock.

Trying to imagine how MIL can make this even halfway OK again. Man, DS and DDIL, was I rambling last night? I've got a hangover from hell. Vodka Red Bull and skunk- don't go there man, it's lethal. LETHAL!

The winged monkeys will fly in before long with a big close knit family used to bowing to the matriarch's insane will...

You might find it helpful to have a look at the stately homes thread in relationships. Actually, you might also find it useful to get this thread moved to relationships too for longer term support

Run, I was thinking along those lines!

It's already taken to social media so I really don't think there's any coming back from this. I've made tea for DH and he's taken out to the patio to settle himself. He's asked for some alone time and I'm going to respect that. I've also received some guilt texts from MIL though I don't know if I should tell DH or not in his current emotional state.

No not tonight. Don't delete them though.
Let him wrestle with it all and accept that this is seismic for him. Listen and reinforce what he talks about. If he wavers then show him the awful truth.

bloody hell. just bloody hell.

well that went tits up rather quickly...

I'd just let be tonight. He needs time to regroup his thoughts.

I agree with Giddy. I wouldn't mention the texts unless necessary.

bitch

What do the guilt texts say?

Wow. Like internet says: that escalated quickly.

Your MIL is just unpleasant person twat

for you both

I suppose MIL presented you the perfect argument to give the flying monkeys - but why does she want to spend Christmas with the grandchildren she doesn't think are hers?

Sorry for your DH, this must be horrible for him and it'll be hard for him to accept. Its definitely for the best that he saw this and saw it all on his own too. I hope he feels more at peace soon but I would advise you to ignore the messages but tell him about them to your DH when he feels better. Don't protect her, she's tried to throw you to the lions.

Wow just wow

Your MIL sounds unhinged!

All because you said 'no' to hosting Christmas dinner.....for 11 adults when you are 7 months pregnant! Also because the implication of this being that you do everything because it is bad manners to ask or accept any help! Wait a minute are you Cinderella?

I certainly would stand my ground and I don't think l would ever host them etc ever again after what she said after the the family meeting.

I agree with strictly I wouldn't protect her either.

Expect to get some visits soon too, guilt trips and the flying monkeys expecting you to apologise!

No way would I!

How upsetting for your DH and you. It looks like MIL has revealed her true colours. There seems to be a lot of hatred in her, if she can go so far as to imply youngest DC is not your husband's.

Are her guit texts trying to back track from what she said to DH?

KFC bargain bucket is much more festive!

It's now tradition in Japan to have KFC.

Stick to your guns. This will be the new agenda so anything you give in about or agree to will be the rule for the future.

Perhaps when dCs are older (teens?) and can muck in, you put on a big Xmas spread and invite everyone (if you ever speak to them again that is) but right now Xmas is a fun time for the DCs and you and DH, not a crazy family feast with you doing all the work.

That's so out of order and outrageous - i can't help wondering if there's some sort of mental health problem emerging eg dementia? I mean she sounds a nightmare and always difficult but always at a level you could cope with. (Why didn't she want to host/cook - what's she hiding?)

OP I know the thread has moved on since I was last on here banging on about pizza, but I just wanted to say that the fact your MIL wouldn't come "just" to spend time with her DGC but also has to have a 'proper' Xmas dinner makes me think she is more interested in being waited on than seeing them. Think you and DH have done the right thing as hard as it is.

God I've just seen the other stuff she said about you. Fuck that. Glad your DH has seen sense. What a horrible woman. Sorry OP.

Wow! I'm sorry I missed joining in with this thread yesterday.

Maybe this is irrelevant but I wonder if the timing of this announcement has anything to do with the fact that the big supermarket delivery services open their bookings for Christmas deliveries around now? I am wondering whether "impose ourselves on Ciri" is the backup plan that only got triggered now when there were no slots available later than the 18th.

Otherwise why is this only happening now? The (less batshit crazy) matriarchs in my life have been obsessing about who is where on Christmas day for the last 7 weeks.

ssash - I remember eating KFC in Japan at Christmas

OP - so sorry! Total cross post last night so I missed your last update about what MIL actually said. I am literally gobsmacked! So not only is she entitled and rude, she's a liar and vindictive as well. I think you're doing really well and I hope your DH is okay. This must be crushing