AIBU to refuse to host Xmas dinner?

[CiritheLionessofCintra]

Another Xmas one but just that really. DH and I have always had Xmas at our own home instead of trailing our 3 DC around to visit everyone. We find it more of a hassle getting DC read and dragging them away from their toys or trying to drag the toys with us! We much prefer our routine of open presents, then have dinner then have visitors. Yesterday PIL were visiting and MIL brought up Xmas, asking us our plans, asking DC what Santa was bringing them ect before announcing that she, FIL, SIL, YSIL, BIL and BIL's DW would be joining us for dinner on Xmas day. I flat out refused.

So I don't drop feed, my reasons are first and foremost she didn't ask, she just announced they would be coming which I find rude, she usually pulls stunts like this and I'm currently 6 months pregnant with DC4.

Now, my problem. MIL huffed after that and left. Not too soon after I get a call from DH asking what I'd done to upset his mother and why I was rude to her! I explained what happened and DH wants me to reconsider.

AIBU to refuse and stand my ground?

It's very suffocating ciri, you did nothing wrong, you dared say no to her silly demands, she has gone very toxic. Of course you would live her to be a decent and reasonable MIL, but she is not! As a result, this is the best outcome, to have nothing to do with her again.

Is being at your parents not allowed? They sound barking.

There was a thread by another poster recently with a 'close' family (all at ils for dinner EVERY NIGHT was expected) and another poster mentioned enmeshment. This is another possible dynamic in toxic families, it ensures the perpetuation of the false idea that the way they do things is normal.

Having read the full thread, I applaud you and your DH for finally standing up to his DM although I can't understand how it has taken so long or why you have been hosting someone who lives in the same town for 3 nights a fortnight you must be a saint.

Most of our family live a 30 minute radius from our house never once have they needed to stay over, or us at theirs. Our DC have but only when babysitting was needed.

Blimey OP this must be stressful but also, I imagine, a bit of a relief too. Overbearing family put such a strain on you and once that's gone life improves so much more. Stay strong alongside your DH and enjoy your Christmas

Well done to you for standing your ground Op. My ILs came and stayed for two weeks when I was 7 1/2 months pregnant with dc3. I cooked and cleaned after them for two weeks and I was exhausted. Yes I do blame dh for not standing up to them. I felt bitter about it for a long time and he only recently admitted it was out of order but he felt guilty because we had moved away from them six months before. It was very fortunate that she told you about Xmas day before your dh.

What a star your DH is ciri would've loved to see your MILs face when she saw the texts on FB!

I have a similar MIL but not as bad. Good luck as you move forward with this. I do recommend your DH unfriends and blocks MIL on FB. And any other relatives who will act on her behalf.

But great that ysil and BILW are on side. BILW can prob see what void happen yo her. And they might just possibly influence the others, deep down

Step calm, stay dignified, you are right.

Could Not void

Glad that your DH has some cajones
Posting hDr screenshots- fantastic idea!!

It never fails to amaze me the number of adults in this country who are self-sufficient throughout the year but then suddenly become incapable and impose themselves on others. Because 'it's Christmas.'

Wow, this situation escalated very quickly!

Agreed, Vienna, but in this case the ILs were hardly self sufficient before.

If i didn't know better, I'd say are you married to one of my brothers? This is just the sort of thing my M would do (NC for many years). Nasty, vitriolic, and now totally out of control, your mil has just lost her shit and revealed her true personality defects to all and sundry. Your poor DH

Holy shit balls Batman!

I take back my earlier comments, she is clearly a horrible crazy bitch.

Hope she apologises but I bet she doesn't.

Very impressed with the way your DH has handled this! His mother must be incandescent with rage that he has put his wife and children before her. I hope that your DH does go to counselling, and can move forward happily without his mother in his life.

Your DH is a star but at that the same time I feel dreadfully sorry for him. His family sound dreadful but at least his eyes are open. Even though it is his (correct) decision to go NC he will possibly have a grieving period where he mourns his family, despite his mother being a cow.

I should imagine many members of his family already have her number as it sounds like she has form for being crazy, so don't worry too much about being gossiped about.

I hope you have a peaceful and happy Christmas with just the people who matter most to you.

Strewth Ciri, your DH has really stepped up and handled this well, what a star. Can't imagine how part of him feels though, he might need some help sorting it.

You know, I'd say my family is very 'close knit' and we usually see, speak, or exchange an email at least every week. But we don't live in each other's pockets! Your DH's family is completely beyond the pale!