AIBU to refuse to host Xmas dinner?

[CiritheLionessofCintra]

Another Xmas one but just that really. DH and I have always had Xmas at our own home instead of trailing our 3 DC around to visit everyone. We find it more of a hassle getting DC read and dragging them away from their toys or trying to drag the toys with us! We much prefer our routine of open presents, then have dinner then have visitors. Yesterday PIL were visiting and MIL brought up Xmas, asking us our plans, asking DC what Santa was bringing them ect before announcing that she, FIL, SIL, YSIL, BIL and BIL's DW would be joining us for dinner on Xmas day. I flat out refused.

So I don't drop feed, my reasons are first and foremost she didn't ask, she just announced they would be coming which I find rude, she usually pulls stunts like this and I'm currently 6 months pregnant with DC4.

Now, my problem. MIL huffed after that and left. Not too soon after I get a call from DH asking what I'd done to upset his mother and why I was rude to her! I explained what happened and DH wants me to reconsider.

AIBU to refuse and stand my ground?

YANBU. If your DH is happy to organise, cook, clean up etc then he's welcome to invite who he likes. If you're going to be the one doing all the heavy work then you are well within your rights to say no to what sounds like the entire clan rocking up expecting to be fed. It's Christmas for everyone, and that includes you! It's not fair for you to be in the kitchen all day catering for a crowd that you haven't invited.

OP, if your dh is a crap cook he can ask any one or several of MIL, FIL, SIL, YSIL, BIL and BIL's DW to help? Surely they are not all rubbish cooks?

Your MIL won't allow DH to lift a finger?! Shocking

Hahahahha she is having a giraffe?! What's made her decide this is the year for it? No no no.

Maril, you did read it correctly and it is an awful lot sometimes but I'm trying to cut it to a normal weekend as it really can be quite suffocating! They don't stay over xmas though and I really do prefer that as it's a time shared between our smaller family and not everyone else just yet. And I know MIL won't lift a finger! She really does expect does expect to be waited on.

Reni, the mantra DH's family follow is that the guest is to be waited on. That they are not to lift a finger. MIL would kick up a stink about rudeness and ignorance if I 'let' any of the inlaws help...not that they would!

Well, when I say 'won't allow', Big, I mean she baby's him and he indulges.

Xmas dinner in a box

Fair enough, their rule is guests are to be waited on. I sort of agree with that (barring disease, late pregnancy, new baby).

But since they have not been invited, they aren't guests. They are invaders.

So let me get this straight, they including your dh expect a heavily pregnant woman to cook and wait on all of them, while they sit on their arses. Noway would this be happening and I am not pregnant. Your dh should be supporting you, and have your back, not sulking as yiu gave quite rightly said no! It's come late afternoon or not at all. Your dh is the issue here.

Exactly reni. If you are happy to be the host then you do the inviting.

If you are told how many will be coming and when and you have to do everything then you are not the host, you are the staff.

But since they have not been invited, they aren't guests. They are invaders.

This

You might want to take this opportunity to review this fortnight weekend arrangement, now you are on a roll.

OP, I would be cutting those weekend stays to once every two months!

How on earth do you bear it?

Why do you wait on your MIL and other ILs hand and foot? Is it to please DH?

Noway is this happening, your MIL is a bloody nightmare, rude and inconsiderate and awful. Who does things like this.

Yes I woukd be stopping this fortnight rubbish while you are at it.

Tell them it's real family Christmas, and you will orcanstrate, then deal out spud peeling, sprout topping etc....

But since they have not been invited, they aren't guests. They are invaders.

This!

*That's the point of Christmas.....either you have to lug your shit to someone else's home, buy gifts, help out, not drink because you have to get home, respect their traditions...

Or host.*

Or C) Make it clear to everyone that yourself and your family enjoy spending Christmas Day at home, just the 5 of you. You're happy to visit or host over the Christmas period (if you want) but not on Christmas day.

You are not obligated to visit or host!

Lee, it really is suffocating and I've been saying for a while that I want it cut down. I suppose after refusing to host they'll probably not want to stay as much.

Though I'm used to PILs antics and can shut them down fairly quickly, but being pregnant, fat and hormonal has me off my game and questioning myself. But he's, I completely agree DH is the issue. He's the youngest boy in the family and is MIL's 'blue eyed boy'. So used being babied and such, so much so that I think that she still sees him as such.

Though I now know why he's so late. He's been summoned to MILs house for a 'family meeting' and to calm his mother because I won't contact her. So, to be blunt shit has hit the fan.

Awesome. Stay strong op. We are at your side.

Great, I hope it goes your way. Mil sounds a nightmare.

Is taking the kids to your family over Christmas an option? If he won't stand up to them and they insist on coming, that's what I'd be thinking about doing.

Agree to it if DH hosts

If he's a crap cook so be it

Make out your pregnancy makes you feel unwell and you need to rest on and off

So she throws a strop and he goes running? Bloody hell OP you do have problems!

The more I read, the more gobsmacked I am.

They genuinely expect to invite themselves for dinner and be waited on by a heavily pregnant woman while they all sit on their arses?

Sod that for a game of soldiers!