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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that having no friends at all is weird

201 replies

Happytuesdays99 · 09/08/2015 08:39

My FIL has no friends at all. He is almost 70 and for as long as I have known him he has never been out with anyone other than his wife. He goes to the pub on his own and reads a book or paper and as far as i can tell doesnt speak to anyone there either. They are one of these couples that do literally everything together but she does have a number of friends who she goes out with.

I just find it a bit strange that you can get to 70 and have not one friend.

Is it odd or normal?

OP posts:
QueenFuri · 09/08/2015 08:41

I've got to 29 and have zero friends.. Its normal for me I've had friends but we have drifted apart, so now I don't bother.

Maybe is is just happy in his own company.

mileend2bermondsey · 09/08/2015 08:43

What business is it of yours if he is happy? Keep your beak out. Maybe you should spend more time going out with your friends than pondering stupid judgemental questions.

howtorebuild · 09/08/2015 08:43

He sounds happy as he is.

TheWitTank · 09/08/2015 08:43

I think it's actually more common than you think. I don't think it's weird. I love my friends, but many people are more than happy with their own company.

Original poster
Happytuesdays99 · 09/08/2015 08:44

Yeah maybe. I have a DH who seems to have more friends than he knows what to do with so used to the other extreme!

OP posts:
BestZebbie · 09/08/2015 08:45

He does have one friend - his wife.
I don't think it is the norm to have no other friends but it is certainly not that uncommon, especially in middle aged men ime. Eg: during my childhood my dad had exactly one friend other than my mum, but it was a phase while busy working and now he has retired he has found some others.

Egosumquisum · 09/08/2015 08:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChaircatMiaow · 09/08/2015 08:47

As queen has said, some people are happy in their own company, or perhaps are lonely but have just learned to get on with things.

What's wrong with sitting in the pub by yourself with a paper? Why do you think it's weird? I think it sounds quite pleasant actually.

I think you need to stop being so judgmental and discover a little compassion or even just mind your own business!

DontOpenDeadInside · 09/08/2015 08:48

My dp has no friends. He knos a few people he used to work with, but never goes out with them. He's very much an introvert, and he doesn't seem to mind. Im also an introvert and have 1 good friend and thats it. We prefer it like that!

sandycove · 09/08/2015 08:48

No not weird, we're all different. Some people find it hard to make friends, it just doesn't come natural to them, or he just might not feel the need for them. I know loads of men (and women) the same.

queentroutoftroutss · 09/08/2015 08:49

It's not weird, friends move away, die, friendships break up there are a variety of reasons why he may not have friends outside of the home and it is really none of your business.

LindyHemming · 09/08/2015 08:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NormanLamont · 09/08/2015 08:52

You sound a bit mean OP.

WitchofScots · 09/08/2015 08:53

I've got to 50+ without having any friends so no, I don't think it's weird I think it's sad. I've never been to a wedding or a baptism except for my own or my DCs, I've never been on holiday with friends, never been to a friends house for dinner and if the shit hits the fan I've got nobody to call. Life is like that sometimes.

Original poster
Happytuesdays99 · 09/08/2015 08:55

Ok. Considered told off. I was only putting it out there. I just worry about him as MIL is not in good health and I can see a time in the not too distant future when he will be on his own.

OP posts:
MoralityPlay · 09/08/2015 09:01

I don't find the OPs OP judgemental, she isn't laying into her FIL, she just commentating that she finds it odd that he has no friends and is asking if this is normal. Confused

My DH doesn't have any friends. We have moved around the country for work so he is never held on to any childhood friends and he has a very full on job. He doesn't have the time or inclination to make friends.

There is nothing wrong with him, he is kind and fun and he is always well liked by colleagues. He doesn't seek friends.
TBH I find it a bit odd and I'm married to him Wink. I do wonder how it will work out when he retires. He wouldn't ever stop me seeing my friends but it would be nice if we could socialise together sometimes.

startagainonmonday · 09/08/2015 09:02

I don't have any friends, EA exH saw them all off. Now he's out of the picture I'd love to find a close friend but despite joining socialising events I've had no luck clicking with anyone beyond small talk. I guess I'm just weird Hmm

SchwarzwalderKirschtorte · 09/08/2015 09:04

Making friends can be difficult.

BastardGoDarkly · 09/08/2015 09:05

I don't think you're being mean OP. You're just pondering, it is allowed!

I think in the event of his wife's death, he will be lonely, but sounds to me like he's got enough at the moment to be happy. Is he happy do you think?

I've got a handful of friends, and that's plenty for me, not all of them I've nearby, but in a 2am crisis I do have people I could call, and I'm grateful for that. But I've neither the time nor the energy for a big group of friends :)

itsonlysubterfuge · 09/08/2015 09:06

I'm 28 and I do not have any friends. If I had a choice of going out with a bunch of friends or staying home with my husband I would always choose my husband. He is disabled and I am his carer so we literally spend 24/7 together and I would have it no other way. Occasionally he takes our DD to his Mom's house by himself and I am left home by myself, I miss him terribly and after about an hour by myself, I'm wondering when he will be home.

When other people don't feel as close to there DP as I feel to mine, I find it weird. When they can't stand to spend time together, this is strange to me.

maxxytoe · 09/08/2015 09:10

I don't have friends other than my sisters, does that count ?

AliceScarlett · 09/08/2015 09:10

My dads the same, but then he has never been well (proper narcissist), so I'm not surprised.

NormanLamont · 09/08/2015 09:22

I just worry about him as MIL is not in good health and I can see a time in the not too distant future when he will be on his own.

That sounds more caring than asking if someone is 'odd', TBH.

mileend2bermondsey · 09/08/2015 09:27

I am left home by myself, I miss him terribly and after about an hour by myself, I'm wondering when he will be home
TBH that sounds a bit unhealthy IMHO

ScoutRifle · 09/08/2015 09:28

I used to have loads of friends and a very busy social life but it just got too much and I let friendships fizzle out.
I have long distance online gaming friends and we meet up every few months and that works brilliantly for me. No stress and no family chat...awesome Grin