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Original poster

To think that having no friends at all is weird

201 replies

Happytuesdays99 · 09/08/2015 08:39

My FIL has no friends at all. He is almost 70 and for as long as I have known him he has never been out with anyone other than his wife. He goes to the pub on his own and reads a book or paper and as far as i can tell doesnt speak to anyone there either. They are one of these couples that do literally everything together but she does have a number of friends who she goes out with.

I just find it a bit strange that you can get to 70 and have not one friend.

Is it odd or normal?

OP posts:
Gruntfuttock · 09/08/2015 19:48

I have no friends. There are precisely 3 people in my life. My husband, my daughter and my mother. That's it. No other relatives and no friends. Judge me if you want to.

WitchofScots · 09/08/2015 19:54

When I got married we had my parents, my sister, the vicar and the vicar's wife. At least we didn't have to spend a fortune on a reception or invitations.

PerspicaciaTick · 09/08/2015 19:56

I used to have friends. Always a bit of a struggle but doable as I struggle to understand people sometimes and it required an awful lot of effort to be sociable. Then I got PND and haven't been able to keep up my end of the bargain...no friends left any more.

Maybe one day, when I feel more resiliant, I'll make some new friends. But I'm OK for now.

BeautyQueenFromMars · 09/08/2015 19:58

I suspect I shall be in the same boat myself when I'm nearing 70. I had a (very) few friends up until about 3 years ago, then I lost them (I wasn't to blame, honestly!), and I haven't made any since. Just don't seem to 'click' with anyone. Although I don't really get to meet people, to be honest, which obviously doesn't help!

Anniesaunt I'm pretty sure you're not horrible, as horrible people never think they are! Feel free to PM me. I'm a bit dull and weird and you may decide you don't like me enough to 'chat', but I'm happy to say hello if you are Smile

Gruntfuttock · 09/08/2015 19:58

WitchofScots When I got married there were two guests, my mother and his mother. We all had lunch in a country pub afterwards. It suited us fine.

RosesandRugby · 09/08/2015 20:06

I don't have any friends. I have my DH and he doesn't have friends either. My parents only have each other and no other friends that I know of (my dad has only 4 numbers in his phone) and my in laws definitely don't have any friends. No matter what time of day you phone/visit them they are always available Confused

I would describe all of us an introverts but several of us really can't be doing with all the baggage that comes with having friends. Friends are fickle and often have unrealistic expectations of you. I can't be doing with all that sort of nonsense Blush

My brother however only has friends. He can never commit to any one person and being in his late 40's and still free and single to me is odd. He's always complaining his friends are leaving him to get married etc Hmm

RubyRedfortSecretAgent · 10/08/2015 11:01

MIL and her DH are friendly people with no friends. They are enjoying spending their retirement together and, to be honest, I doubt any amount of friends would fill the void that will be left for the other when one dies.

DesertIslander · 10/08/2015 11:36

My brother has never had a close friend. He's in his 20s and never managed to make friends at school, would always be trying to get in on groups of friends but never succeeded. He's the same 10 years after leaving school. He has lots of aquaintences but no one he could call a friend. I find it terribly sad.

I have a few friends, 2 very dear friends and 4 or 5 I am close to. Most of them are married/in long term relationships and I am single, so I think need their friendship more than they need mine IYSWIM?

jenenberry · 10/08/2015 13:07

To the people with no friends -
Aren't you worried that when you die, no one will turn up to your funeral? Shock

HowDdo2You · 10/08/2015 13:16

I only want my dc and those supporting them at my funeral.

I have seen too many go to funerals for the gossip and free food.

PerspicaciaTick · 10/08/2015 13:16

Hmm - I'm not going to live my life beating myself up about my social inadequacies (I've wasted years doing that) worrying about something which I will be completely and utterly oblivious of - what with being dead and everything.

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 10/08/2015 13:18

I suspect most people at your funeral jeneberry will be reminiscing about what a tactless idiot you were

Queeltie · 10/08/2015 13:19

Going to funerals for the gossip and free food Confused
Sounds like you have a very negative attitude of others.

PerspicaciaTick · 10/08/2015 13:22

Perhaps we should start an MN quiche,in which we all swear a pact to attend one another's friendless funerals?

Gruntfuttock · 10/08/2015 13:41

jenenberry "Aren't you worried that when you die, no one will turn up to your funeral?"

Erm, I'll be dead.

groupon44 · 10/08/2015 13:42

jenenberry - you would be DEAD, so you wouldn't be able to care Hmm.

PooSweats84 · 10/08/2015 15:30

I moved to a new area (an hour away from my hometown) 5 years ago, none of my 'friends' from my hometown bother to keep in touch, even when they come up this way for various days out to local attractions, they don't ask after me to see if I want a quick catch up, and since living here I've made one friend, and she's only interested in me when her life goes down the pan and she wants someone to whinge at! If I want somebody to turn to, I have DH and that's it, apart from my 2 dc's. As somebody else said upthread, Facebook makes you feel a bit shit when everyone seems to be off having fun without you, but that's the only outside interaction I get when DH is working and DC's are at school, so I don't feel as though I can just pack it up! This thread has made me feel less annoyed at myself and my social inadequacies though!

Verbena37 · 10/08/2015 15:47

Since my DH left the military, he hasn't made a single civvie friend.....other than the one civvie friend who also used to serve in the forces. However, he has always had lots of mates in the military and keeps in touch with some since leaving. His best mate is still serving so we see them every now and again. His father and mother do everything together as a couple and have friends to visit but who live far away. They have no friends where they live in their own town....not a single one.

I find it very strange but that's kind of how they've brought up their children. I myself don't have tons of friends but I do have a nice group of friends who I get on well with. I don't need to see them every week though. Just a catch up now and again. I think people who are happy with their own company find it easier not to have too many friends.

If you have a family and a busy life with them,Cohen I think it's hard to keep up too many friendships.

Gottagetmoving · 10/08/2015 15:58

My DP has no friends. He had friends in his teens but he never bothered keeping in touch with them. He doesn't really keep in touch with his family either. It's just the way he is and if he didn't have me he would be perfectly happy on his own. He is friendly enough and will talk to people when out and about but he doesn't like people being too involved with him.
I don't have friends I see regularly either but I am more sociable than he is.

jenenberry · 10/08/2015 16:53

jenenberry "Aren't you worried that when you die, no one will turn up to your funeral?"

Erm, I'll be dead.

You have a point.

But people do worry about their funerals. My grandparents did. They wanted everything to run smoothly (even though they wouldn't be there to see it)

Gruntfuttock · 10/08/2015 17:05

jenenberry If there's no one at my funeral that means no one is suffering bereavement. That's a good thing. As I said upthread, there were only two guests at my wedding. One of whom is now dead and the other is now 95. I'm very much used to not having big gatherings and I certainly won't know who, if anyone, comes to my funeral. I have a daughter, so maybe she'll be there.

jenenberry · 10/08/2015 17:16

I only asked, because someone mentioned how they know a couple who got married abroad because they had no friends to invite to the wedding and it made me think of funerals.

ForalltheSaints · 10/08/2015 19:26

Funeral attendance is not something I have really thought about- I hope it is many years away. I think we should be more concerned about how a person might feel if bereaved after many years of marriage, especially if their children don't live locally or they are estranged from them.

EygptianSnow · 10/08/2015 19:47

I wouldn't trust anyone who has no friends however at 70 it's different, they might of died or drifted apart.
For someone under 50 to have no friends there's a reason why

bearleftmonkeyright · 10/08/2015 19:52

Hi, I have a similar issue to the OP's that has gone on and on. My DP's father died about 8 years ago and they were not speaking. They managed to reconcile shortly before they died, but his mum was on her own and we went to see her every saturday. It is still going on that we go up every Saturday, which wasn't too bad when the DC were younger but they hate it now. She has no friends, she has just got herself another dog, (the first one they had together died) which has helped but as far as I can tell she doesn't have any friends as such. I think friendship only develops if you are prepared to put yourself out there. That can be scary I know if you are not confident or depressed which can send you into a spiral of loneliness. She does get lonely, she has told me which makes me feel like I am guilted into seeing her. She is a bit of a difficult person at times.

When her DH was alive they would do absolutely everything together. My parents aren't like that at all. They have their own interests and their own and shared friends. They are both in their mid 70's and I am glad they have this as they both seem really happy at the moment. I wish that DP's DM was more like this, the only way to combat loneliness is to put yourself out there, whether its volunteering, chatting to people in the pub or joining a club. Unfortunately I don't think the OPs FIL will change.