To think that having no friends at all is weird

[Happytuesdays99]

My FIL has no friends at all. He is almost 70 and for as long as I have known him he has never been out with anyone other than his wife. He goes to the pub on his own and reads a book or paper and as far as i can tell doesnt speak to anyone there either. They are one of these couples that do literally everything together but she does have a number of friends who she goes out with.

I just find it a bit strange that you can get to 70 and have not one friend.

Is it odd or normal?

I share your concern OP. My mother parted company from all her friends as well as her job, when she married in the late 1960s, it seems. I don't recall her ever going out independently of my dad. My dad kept up with his - he went out most Saturday evenings, attended the occasional Friday night work thing, and went running with a couple of guys twice per week.

I feel a bit resentful that my dad didn't encourage her to see her friends because if he predeceases her, she will be completely reliant on me. Unlike your fil, I don't think she'd even go to a pub/cafe with a newspaper. She'd be totally isolated in a silent house.

TheseventeenthSixteen - My gran lived till 98 years old and was fairly independent until near the end. I used to think I wanted to live to a very old age, but watching her, I changed my mind. She did have a loving daughter and grandkids who visited regularly. But all of her friends died before her, including new friends she made. She spent a lot of time going to funerals and grieving.

I feel a lot better about not having a busy social life now I'm not on FB. So glad I left that place (for a variety of reasons).

I don't have any real friends now, a couple of people I chat to now and again but that's it, though I have had a few friends in the past. I don't have a partner either. Tbh, I don't really miss them. I like being on my own and doing things on my own. I don't like gossiping, or having to go round the shops slowly because my friend wants to look at everything, or having to listen to my friend talk about her relationship problems.
As for your FIL, I think it's quite common for older men to sit in the pub on their own. It seems strange to women because it's not really socially acceptable for a woman to go to the pub on her own, even now.

OP I can understand your concern about your FIL under the circumstances - I heard a programme on the radio a year or so ago that said that loneliness among elderly people can be a particular problem for men because many have relied on their wives to maintain social and family connections and contact, and if their wife dies they lose that. Your FIL may not be in that situation, of course.

ego I do.see what you mean about social media. I do get pangs of jealously when I hear about people out having fun with friends. But by the same token if it wasn't for social media I'd have no interaction with the outside world other than work which would be more isolating.

My parents don't socialise either. I wouldn't say never but certainly very very rarely. They are happy that way but I do worry about what will happen to the surviving one when inevitably one dies first. In my entire life they have never had friends round for dinner or had a party or attended a party or gone to someone's house for dinner or anything like that.

But what's worse is that I can see me and dh heading the same way. It's ages since we had anyone over and I'm starting to feel like we never will again. I think it can happen easily by accident..

I have very few friends. I have many people who I can turn to, but no one I hang around with anymore really after my 12 year friendship just ended. I don't make friends easily. I have just been with a big group of people for a week and they have all became quite close, I am always on the sidelines and I am a friendly and chatty person. I just can't seem to make close friends.

I have family friends who care about me who I can talk to but we don't hang out. I used to socialise a lot with my mum until she moved out and if I want a night out it will be with my sisters and her friends.

It actually does bother me. I am a good person, friendly and kind, but people don't seem to take to me. Or perhaps I lack confidence in making friends and they can smell it. I never try too hard, always listen to people and intreated in them, but it always stays superficial.

Although having said that, we do see friends individually.

I've never known my parents to have a friend in the sense of eg mum having a female friend to go for a coffee with. I think they somehow felt it inappropriate or something.

Ego, true. I suppose it's exacerbated in old age because most pensioners don't even have work to get them out of the house. Both my parents did volunteer for a while but dad became unwell and now mum has stopped too. It's so unhealthy and means my mum is very hard work now as she spends far too much time on her own dwelling on stuff.

I used to have friends from my schooldays until about four or five years ago but I largely allowed those friendships to fall by the wayside. I admit I often felt rather overawed and not a little inferior due to their generally superior social skills, better paid jobs, girlfriends, appreciation of sports and popular culture and so on. Nowadays l consider myself friendless, apart from one or two close work acquaintanceships. I am much the same with my siblings, whom I prefer to keep at arm's length. I don't particularly dislike any of these people but I don't really fit in either so I keep myself to myself. As I write this post I'm sitting alone in Costa watching families and couples.

Sorry to hijack your thread OP. Apart from being unmarried I might be the same when I'm 70. I'll find out in 26 years' time .

My stepdad is the same . Hes 80 now and has had what you would call any close freindships. Hes happy enough though. Who cares what other people think ? Maybe im a bit odd as well? Due to way my exp treated me I have real issues with people geting to close. Its not likely to change any time soon.

Sorry never had.

I have hardly any friends, no one I can go out with at least. I feel lonely and trapped. Even starting work hasn't really helped as they all live far away (I commute 25miles and most live locally) and I am the sole woman in a team of , generally, much older men. It sucks, I wish it wasn't like it was.

We should start an "asocial lonely people's club"

no friends at all is unusual, such people are a minority but what size minority I couldnt say.

Do you think he would be happier with a social life?

I've found my people.

I have no friends. I have acquaintances that I occasionally socialise with, school mums etc., but no one on one. I'm an introvert and find it hard to make friends. They get too close and I push them away. I go through phases of feeling lonely and wishing I had a best friend but where do you start?!?

I only have 2 real friends and I don't see either of them very often at all so spend a lot of time alone, I'm fine with that.

Suzanne, I don't know really. He just does everything with his wife. Shopping, socialising, trips to see relatives etc. My MIL is older and her health is failing a bit now. I can just see him being completely lost if she goes first. He has family but doesn't see any of those either.

I remember a MNer saying she had her wedding abroad, as she was to embarrassed for people to see that she had no friends to invite to her wedding.