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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wish she would just back off?!

224 replies

OneDoneOneBun · 31/05/2015 11:06

DP and I have lived in our new house a little over a year, we have a 9 month old and I'm 10 weeks pregnant with our second.
We are very friendly with the family who live 3 doors up but it's become increasingly clear that their daughter fancies DP, she constantly flirts with him, If he goes outside to chat to her stepdad she comes out straight away and flirts the whole time. She posted a dub smash video to his FB wall a few weeks ago of herself asking him "do you think I'm cute, yes or no" pouting with very little clothes on and just silly things like that all the time. They've been on holiday for a week and are due back today, she inboxed DP last night asking "are you missing me? With kissy heart faces ð???. Maybe i'm just being over sensitive as i'm really hormonal at the moment so that's obviously not helping but it's really getting to me. I said to DP in bed last night that it's clear she fancies him and he said "yeah I think so too but I don't think about it, it's only a teenage thing and it'll pass" ... Well wether it's a teenage thing or not she's hardly 13, she's 17 and is old enough to know what she's doing, plus she has a boyfriend! I feel like I'm in an awkward situation cos I'm getting really pissed off about it but I feel like I can't say anything because we're so friendly with the family and I don't wanna fall out with them

OP posts:

ItsTricky · 31/05/2015 11:09

He shouldn't be facebook friends with a 17 year old, unless family or close family friend. Weird.

AlternativeTentacles · 31/05/2015 11:09

She isnt worried about falling out with you!

Have a word with the mother or just tell her 'he is taken love, stop making a fool of yourself'. But he needs to respond apprriately with 'no, why would I?'

Mermaidhair · 31/05/2015 11:11

I don't blame you being pissed off, I would be to pregnant or not. She needs to know that it is inappropriate to act like that with a married man. Maybe your dh is flattered? You both need to speak with her about it, maybe with her parents and boyfriend present. Is your dh attracted to her? If so, I would be nipping it in the bud right now.

Bluestocking · 31/05/2015 11:11

Why on earth is your DP Facebook friends with a teenage girl?

PtolemysNeedle · 31/05/2015 11:12

This girl is embarrassing herself, it's not something you need to be pissed off about.

I'd talk to the parents, they're unlikely to want to fall out with you, you haven't done anything wrong. More likely they'll be embarrassed by their daughters pathetic behaviour and will tell her she needs to stop.

pinkyredrose · 31/05/2015 11:12

The problem isn't the girl, it's that your DH doesn't seem to be doing much to rebuff her. Maybe he's flattered by the attention?

Mermaidhair · 31/05/2015 11:12

Yes I agree it is fucking weird him being Facebook friends with her.

Fatmomma99 · 31/05/2015 11:13

I'd def have a quiet word with the mother and you DP needs to ensure he treats her in a cool manner (as in temperature, not opposite of geek)

WayneRooneysHair · 31/05/2015 11:13

I'm friends with plenty of teenage girls on Facebook and so is my wife, there's nothing wrong with that as they are family and friends of the family. Of course none of them on my Facebook fancy me.

PtolemysNeedle · 31/05/2015 11:13

I don't see what's wrong with the FB friends thing. It's only Facebook.

Original poster

OneDoneOneBun · 31/05/2015 11:14

We're both friends with all of the family on FB, the mother has already seen the video as she "liked" it and commented to her daughter "you're a nutter aye"

OP posts:

FelineLou · 31/05/2015 11:15

Of course you can say something - post a nice picture of DH on Facebook and comment "mine all mine". Jokey but a reminder.
Every time she approches him post something similar. Keep it lighthearted but show her that you mean it.
But his response seems very grown up so it seems you don't need to worry really.
She'll probably get over it soon. Teenage crush stuff fades quickly.

TattyDevine · 31/05/2015 11:16

Is he FB friends with her though? You don't have to be for someone to post on your wall, depending on your wall settings.

ExcuseMyEyebrows · 31/05/2015 11:17

Really?
I don't do Facebook, but why is your partner fb friends with a 17 yr old girl he's not related to?

He needs to have words with her - or her parents.

MagentaVitus · 31/05/2015 11:17

DH has to say something to her in person.

ExcuseMyEyebrows · 31/05/2015 11:19

FelineLou's suggestion is good.

LaurieFairyCake · 31/05/2015 11:19

I don't think you or he needs to say anything, it's not very dignified.

It's a silly crush, she's just practising her skills in a safe way with a family friend and it's totally harmless.

sharonthewaspandthewineywall · 31/05/2015 11:20

Be mature, posting stupid things on Facebook like 'he's mine' as suggested puts you in the same league as her. I also agree about him being friends with a teenager who obviously fancies him is as inappropriate as it gets. He needs to remove her from Facebook block her if necessary and stop giving her the impression he's humouring her

WorraLiberty · 31/05/2015 11:23

OMG I'm cringing at the thought of a grown woman posting 'he's mine' or anything similar.

Your DH needs to unfriend or completely ignore her.

MagentaVitus · 31/05/2015 11:26

post a nice picture of DH on Facebook and comment "mine all mine". Jokey but a reminder.

Dear god how tragic!

BlinkAndMiss · 31/05/2015 11:26

I think you need to speak to her mother and say that it's making things rather uncomfortable. Your DH doesn't want to be seen to be leading her on and at 17 she certainly is old enough to know what she's doing - whether she understands the consequences or not.

Don't respond to any of the things she posts on face book and tell your DH that he shouldn't either. If it doesn't stop then you shod probably both speak to her about it, just don't put yourself in a position where she could make anything up. Have witnesses and focus on the inappropriate side of the behaviour rather than her disregard for the fact he has a wife.

Hopefully she'll grow up soon!

Nabuma · 31/05/2015 11:29

sharon has it right. I would (you and dh together, in person) have a word with the parents too in a, "is your daughter ok or is she going through a tough time? I'm worried that she doesn't realise how she's coming across" to demonstrate that you have noticed the behaviour and that it's unwanted and that you're concerned for her-pointing out that dh is attached and even if he wasn't, far too old for her. I would hope that would get the message across and embarrass her enough to stop. And keep a united front so they can't dismiss you as being overprotective and insecure (even though it would piss most wives off). And for gods sake don't stoop to a bloody fb territorial pissing competition, that's immature, pa and tbh, slightly pathetic! It's not the wife's.job to stake her claim, it's both your job and mainly dh to make her realise he's unavailable and uninterested and that this is totally inappropriate!

SaucyJack · 31/05/2015 11:29

Your DP is the adult in this situation. He should have dealt with her firmly, but politely ages ago. Why hasn't he?

BastardGoDarkly · 31/05/2015 11:29

I think he should post...stop being so silly. On any future messages/videos.

Sconejamcream · 31/05/2015 11:30

Get your dh to block her on FB. Simple.

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