To wish she would just back off?!

[OneDoneOneBun]

DP and I have lived in our new house a little over a year, we have a 9 month old and I'm 10 weeks pregnant with our second.
We are very friendly with the family who live 3 doors up but it's become increasingly clear that their daughter fancies DP, she constantly flirts with him, If he goes outside to chat to her stepdad she comes out straight away and flirts the whole time. She posted a dub smash video to his FB wall a few weeks ago of herself asking him "do you think I'm cute, yes or no" pouting with very little clothes on and just silly things like that all the time. They've been on holiday for a week and are due back today, she inboxed DP last night asking "are you missing me? With kissy heart faces ð???. Maybe i'm just being over sensitive as i'm really hormonal at the moment so that's obviously not helping but it's really getting to me. I said to DP in bed last night that it's clear she fancies him and he said "yeah I think so too but I don't think about it, it's only a teenage thing and it'll pass" ... Well wether it's a teenage thing or not she's hardly 13, she's 17 and is old enough to know what she's doing, plus she has a boyfriend! I feel like I'm in an awkward situation cos I'm getting really pissed off about it but I feel like I can't say anything because we're so friendly with the family and I don't wanna fall out with them

Oops cross post w/ magenta and worra, I'm a slow typer!

It's not the wife's.job to stake her claim

Too right. Competing with a child on social media for your own husband? No thanks.

Just delete her... She'll probably not talk to him again and if it's mentioned just say it's a cull and stricktly an adult only zone.

It doesn't have to be dramatic.

Your DP is encouraging her. He's flattered no doubt, especially with your jealous reaction.
Stop blaming the child and tell your DP to grow up. FB friends with a teen girl who fancies you? What a wanker.

Surely at 17 you are old enough to understand that it's not acceptable to try it on with someone else's husband?

I'm sure she understands that Emerald. The problem is that she doesn't care, and DH is enjoying it.

I would say absolutely do not post any territorial stuff on Facebook. Oh goodness me that would be cringe.

Advice up thread that it is your DP's job to give her the brush off. Ignore all her messages or at they very most he should tell her that it's not appropriate.

Should she at any point make an actual, physical play for him, then you'll need to tell her parents.

How about just ignoring the flirting. All teenagers go through this, I'm sure you and your DP were teenagers at some stage.

17 is still young and silly. Please for the love of sanity don't go posting pictures of your DP saying mine all mine fgs!

So what did he respond to the "are you missing me?"

Tbh honest, when she flirts with him in front of her stepfather, he should either tell her to stop or walk away.

What the hell is a dub smash video? I would love to see it.

Honestly, I can't see the girl is doing too much wrong. She's just 17 and being v silly. She probably doesn't imagine for a minute that you're genuinely threatened by her, especially as she has a boyfriend. In years to come she'll look back and cringe.

Just ignore, get your DH to block her on Facebook, and be nothing other than polite when you see her.

Ffs don't post anything in retaliation on social media. Unless you are also 17.

I would have a word with her mother. Ask her to let the daughter know she needs to reign it in. Explain it's making you and your husband uncomfortable but you don't want to make the teen upset by approaching her directly. If the mother doesn't deal with it then I'd be looking to unfriend them on Facebook. You can stillbe friends in real life.

MagentaVitus the OP has posted nothing to suggest her DH is enjoying it.

He needs to consider how to deal with this awkward situation and take action.

How he does that/if he does that will better determine whether he enjoys it or not.

Right now, he could simply be feeling rather stumped about what to do, as the OP appears to be.

I agree with winter.

He should have nipped it in the bud straight away.

I think his reaction would have been a lot different if it was a teenage boy that was sending him those messages.

Your DH needs to adjust his settings so that she cannot tag him or post anything straight to his wall without him approving it first. He doesn't have to allow these things to appear - it's not obligatory!

In an ideal world he should unfriend her as well but that might be awkward. If he is asked to explain himself he'll just have to tell her straight that he feels a bit uncomfortable with her making flirty jokey comments, what with him being married and her being only 17….hopefully she'll feel suitably embarrassed and back off. Also if she sends him PMs he doesn't have to open them and read them, you can see who a message is from and ignore it for as long as you like.

I'm sure if he starts to be a bit more aloof with her and makes excuses to close the conversation down if ever they end up chatting alone together she'll soon get the message and be suitably embarrassed that she'll back off.

I don't think it's appropriate at all for the OP to start making confrontational remarks to this kid along the lines of 'hands off he's mine.' That's cringey and undignified and it makes it look like the OP sees real competition there, instead of some inconsequential 17 year old kid with a crush.

Tbf Tequila I think some of the reactions here would have been different if the OP was a man, saying that a 17yr old boy had a crush on his wife.

I don't think there would be many cries of "What is a woman doing with a 17yr old neighbour on her FB list".

And yes if it gets really out of hand then have a quiet word with her mum about it and say that your DH doesn't want to hurt her feelings but he feels really uncomfortable with it and worries that people will think something inappropriate is going on.

I think he should delete eg her from fb and have a word with her mum about her being inappropriate

Why are people saying to tell her mum?

He's an adult, he should be able to deal with it!

Not sure how long it has been going on for, but she's been flirting in front of her stepfather & it seems he hasn't stopped it!

Has your DH responded to any of her posts? I would ignore completely. I would also see if there's a way of vetting her posts that he is tagged in, if I were him, and not allowing them on his wall. If she continues, get him to defriend, but keep her on yours, so it doesn't look like you've fallen out with her. If she asks him why, he can just say he felt her posts were a bit much... no other explanation necessary.

Your DH needs to adjust his settings so that she cannot tag him or post anything straight to his wall without him approving it first. He doesn't have to allow these things to appear - it's not obligatory!

THIS.

Also, he could delete or "hide" anything she puts on there so she gets the message across that he's not entertaining this at all, doesn't want to see it, doesn't want to be part of her silliness. If she FB messages him, he should ignore.

HE is the one who needs to say something. Anything from the wife will be perceived as jealous and insecure. The 17year old may even see it as a triumph. She needs to be gently let down by the husband in a way that saves her face. If she doesn't take the hint then he needs to escalate it to her parents, all the while keeping a cool distance from her.

Agree with gamerchick he just needs to delete her and ignore the silly messages.

And as for talking to her parents or responding in any way whatsoever to anything she posts, don't dignify her behaviour with any sort of response. It's attention seeking and anything you or your DH say will just fuel this.

She's not a child, and there are plenty of grown women who behave like this for effect. It would piss the hell out of most women imo.

I haven't seen the OP say that her DH is enjoying the attention or flirting back etc, OP is your husband responding to this girl?

The OP also has this girl on her Facebook, is the OP being weird or is it because a man has a teenager on his Facebook that's why it's weird?