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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wish she would just back off?!

224 replies

OneDoneOneBun · 31/05/2015 11:06

DP and I have lived in our new house a little over a year, we have a 9 month old and I'm 10 weeks pregnant with our second.
We are very friendly with the family who live 3 doors up but it's become increasingly clear that their daughter fancies DP, she constantly flirts with him, If he goes outside to chat to her stepdad she comes out straight away and flirts the whole time. She posted a dub smash video to his FB wall a few weeks ago of herself asking him "do you think I'm cute, yes or no" pouting with very little clothes on and just silly things like that all the time. They've been on holiday for a week and are due back today, she inboxed DP last night asking "are you missing me? With kissy heart faces ð???. Maybe i'm just being over sensitive as i'm really hormonal at the moment so that's obviously not helping but it's really getting to me. I said to DP in bed last night that it's clear she fancies him and he said "yeah I think so too but I don't think about it, it's only a teenage thing and it'll pass" ... Well wether it's a teenage thing or not she's hardly 13, she's 17 and is old enough to know what she's doing, plus she has a boyfriend! I feel like I'm in an awkward situation cos I'm getting really pissed off about it but I feel like I can't say anything because we're so friendly with the family and I don't wanna fall out with them Hmm

OP posts:
WayneRooneysHair · 01/06/2015 14:10

Based on your latest update both your DH and the teenage girl are behaving like knobs, he needs to adjust his privacy options at least OP.

Aeroflotgirl · 01/06/2015 14:24

Tge problem is, he does not want to adjust any settings. Wants to continue this flirting as its a big of harmless fun.

StaircaseAtTheUniversity · 01/06/2015 14:27

Just wanted to say that when I was 17 I was having a sexual relationship with my married 30 year old teacher. His wife got wind of it and he explained it away as that I was a flirt/stupid kid etc. She got (understandably) angry and managed to get my phone number and told me to "back off" (which fell on deaf ears as we were already having sex!) and not to flirt with her husband any more.

Now, I'm not for a second suggesting that your DP is having sex with this girl, but if he was or if he wanted to, my experience would suggest that he would be saying she was a harmless kid. My experience would also suggest that 30 or not he may not be as appalled by the idea as you think.

Teenage girls are lethal and some men are very flattered by their adoration and hero worship. Keep your eyes and ears open, OP.

Justusemyname · 01/06/2015 14:54

Id start planning for a future as a single mum with two toddlers.

Aeroflotgirl · 01/06/2015 15:06

I agree staircase, 17 is almost an adult, and I think tgey both like the thrill of the chase. Yes something could well happen, if not now, in the future it's not impossible at all. He does not sound like a decent guy,.

Aeroflotgirl · 01/06/2015 15:52

No good will become if this.

RustyParker · 01/06/2015 16:18

Oh, he likes the attention op Sad

He needs to put your feelings first and at the moment he doesn't seem willing to. I'm afraid his responses will be taken as enouragement by the 27 year old and it's not appropriate anyway to be communicating with and telling a young woman that he missed her in any way.

What do you think he will do if explain this is inappropriate and making you comfortable? How he would feel if his DD was messaging and communicating with a 30 year old man who wasn't willing to act appropriately? That he really must block or delete her. What is your bottom line on this?

RustyParker · 01/06/2015 16:18

*17 year old not 27 year old..

Golfhotelromeofoxtrot · 01/06/2015 17:02

So sad he puts her feelings above yours.

OhEmGeee · 01/06/2015 17:23

His reaction tells you everything really.

PesoPenguin · 01/06/2015 17:44

Hmmm this does sound very dodgy. His response to the pm about missing him says it all really, he told her he is missing her and implied that they have something that he doesn't have with anyone else ( the "piss taking"). Why would a grown man feel the need to take the piss out of a teenager if not as a form of flirting ( one step up from bra pinging!)

Also, his refusal to stop engaging is very worrying. I don't think any good can come of this Sad

Sansarya · 04/06/2015 09:47

Hope you are okay OP, and that your DH has now realised what the consequences of his actions could be.

VerticalCheese · 04/06/2015 16:53

Any update OP?

Original poster
OneDoneOneBun · 04/06/2015 17:45

Haven't see her for a few days and now he's outside now fixing something in his van and just text me asking can I take some Vaseline out for him, went out all scruffy in my pyjamas to give it and she's sat there on the floor behind his van with him chatting to him Angry I feel like shit. I don't get why he asked me to go out though, was it to show me that she's there or to piss me off and rub it in my face or what? I'm fuming right now and have had a fuck full

OP posts:
WhoNickedMyName · 04/06/2015 17:58

Why do you think he asked you to go out?

Do you still think he's not enjoying it?

ttc2015 · 04/06/2015 18:06

He's rubbing it in op or he'd have text saying 'can you come but here babe, am in the middle of something and she's pestering' and he'd be not chatting but barely talking.

Wristy · 04/06/2015 18:12

Wow. He's just being a dick about this now.

He knows it winds you up and upsets you and it's pretty clear from that incident he has absolutely no intention of nipping it in the bud. He's enjoying it and based on that I'd say he was trying to rub your nose in it.

Sorry OP xx

Justusemyname · 04/06/2015 18:13

He's like a Tom cat pissing in his neighbour to mark his women territory.

Bellebella · 04/06/2015 18:14

You need to sort your partner out. He needs to stop encouraging the girl and being all pally pally with her. My oh would never do any of that.

Honestly do you trust your oh?

Original poster
OneDoneOneBun · 04/06/2015 18:15

I don't know what to think anymore, I don't know wether to think he wanted me to know she was there incase I wanted to go out and see what was going on or wether he wanted to rub it in my face. She's gone inside now but I just txt him "why would you do that, are you trying to rub it in my face?" And he said "I can't exactly tell her to go back in can I?" So I said "no but you could always come in yourself until she gets the fucking message,, at least we know her feelings are more important than mine, why did you ask me to come out?" .... His reply... To bring me something I needed"

OP posts:
Tequilashotfor1 · 04/06/2015 18:17
Shock

What an immature dick head. He is trying to rub your nose in it now. Well at least you now have a snap shot of what your life is going to be like for the next 30 years!

You either STFU and get back to your cleaning and making his tea it you tell him to fuck off.

HoldYerWhist · 04/06/2015 18:18

Ask him why he's creeping around the back of vehicles with teenagers.

Tequilashotfor1 · 04/06/2015 18:19

I bet he is loving the attention .... What a guy!! And don't fall for the 'I can't help it/can't tell her to fuck off/ were just friends. He doesn't respect you at all.

ATisketATasket · 04/06/2015 18:20

Why are you texting one another, rather than talking about it face to face?

Wristy · 04/06/2015 18:21

He's seriously more concerned about upsetting her than he is about upsetting you? What an arse!