dd has been telling massive lies.

[namechanged013]

Hello I have name changed for this thread. I did not have a clue as to where to post this ? I am not even sure where to begin today we have just found out that my dd has been lying about every single aspect of her life. We have found out she never went to university and lied about achieving a degree. We have also found out that she has not been at a job she has claimed to have for a year now but has been working as a shop assistant. I am utterly confused and upset and do not understand at all. I'm not even angry as she must have been completely miserable with all these lies the last few years. She is coming home any minute now and I don't know how to confront her or what to do ?

I realise now I've probably posted this in the wrong place not really sure what my aibu is. Sorry guys.

How did you find out about this?

How did you find out?

Wow. How did you find out? I think I'd have to confront her.

Just listen to her, and don't be judgemental.
She's probably been too worried about what you think of her.

I'm guessing she has been lying because she wanted you to be proud of her and not disappointed? Yes it was very silly but being gentle with her over this is definitely the best way forward.

So where was she when you thought she was at uni all those years? What about her friends etc? Surely she has social media, which would hint she wasn't really at uni.

And yes how did you find out? How old is she?

I can't get my head around the practicalities of a lie like that!! Did you apply for financial assistance for her degree? I mean, everybody's parents have to apply for it so that the loan is means tested? You had to disclose income etc. Didn't you receive any letters or anything from the university saying that she had failed/dropped out/not turned up?

We found out that she hasn't been working where she said as a family friend has just started working there and she obv wasn't there. We know she was working in the shop but just thought it was on Saturdays but have asked her boss and she is there full time.

Don't 'confront' as it sounds like you might be angry.

You're right to be experiencing that emotion but get her side of things first and keep a lid on your feelings.

Good luck!

She went to the first year of university she didn't do means tested degree finance so she just had to enter our jobs I think ? Can't really remember. She failed her first year so has been lying about being at uni for the last two years. I'm sorry to drip feed this but I am really struggling to get my head around this.

Didn't you attend her graduation? How can she have lied about university unless you never paid attention/cared/asked her regularly? I'm just confused at how a person can hide such a big thing from parents who regularly keep upto date with their child's life.

I know someone who did this and the lie stemmed from being kicked out of uni (end of first year) after not turning up to lectures. Disappointing her parents was a concern, but the main thing she wanted to keep secret was the humongous amount of debt she had got into (despite contributions from parents).

Actually, I know someone else who didn't finish his degree with honours and his parents still don't know.

Unfortunately more common than you would think. Both went to uni far away from their home towns.

Good luck

What a shock. She might be relieved that you know. Has she been living with you all this time?

Sit her down and talk to her don't go mad

why do you think she felt she had to create this fantasy? uni, good job... Does she feel she has to live up to expectations? You could let her know that that isn't the case. that you are proud of her just as she is and whatever path she chooses to follow.

How did she manage the graduation? How did she convince you to stay away, to not want photos, to not see any certificate or anything?

How old is she?
Were you supporting her financially during her degree?
Was she supposedly a long way from home and what about holidays?
How have you 'found out' all this information now?

Hold on, a degree lasts 3-4 years. So did she study from home or go away? I suspect she stayed at home but for 3 years what on earth was she doing and where did she go. Who supported her during that time, what about student loans.

Are you honestly saying you didnt have any idea? Wow! What about books, friends from uni?

That is a huge fib to tell! I agree with others. Let her explain what has happened. It might not be as bad as you think. Why do you not think she attended uni? That is the one I cannot get my head around. The shop work a little more understandable

i don't understand at all how she hid all this from you. What about her graduation?

Baffling.

She never wanted to go to graduation and has always made that clear. She's always been a very private person but she has always seemed so Perfectly ok. She lived away for uni but was constantly on the phone about being unhappy during her second year. Now it's clear it's because she was never actually at uni that she transferred up to a uni near home for her last year which was a lie also.

She worked for a year before uni and always had a job when at school so she supported herself. We never gave her any money while at uni apart from the odd grocery shops.

If my dad could find out about me truanting from school for a few days how on earth was this covered up? I'm really confused

She she was away from home. How on earth did she support herself? Was she still claiming student loans?

It's out now. Don't make it too hard for you all.

I honestly don't know how she has kept it hidden either. It's not even like she has just told one massive lie she has literally been lying several times every day for the last four years.