dd has been telling massive lies.

[namechanged013]

Hello I have name changed for this thread. I did not have a clue as to where to post this ? I am not even sure where to begin today we have just found out that my dd has been lying about every single aspect of her life. We have found out she never went to university and lied about achieving a degree. We have also found out that she has not been at a job she has claimed to have for a year now but has been working as a shop assistant. I am utterly confused and upset and do not understand at all. I'm not even angry as she must have been completely miserable with all these lies the last few years. She is coming home any minute now and I don't know how to confront her or what to do ?

OP a friend of my daughter is currently living the same lie. His parents expect him to graduate this year,he dropped out two years ago. He lives at home,works in the cinema but has lied for the past couple of years about attending uni. I've no idea how he's carried it off but he has. His parents don't have a clue but he has his head firmly in the sand despite his friends and girlfriend urging him to come clean. He's saving money for when his parents kick him out though.
Be kind to your dd her fear of disappointing you will have been behind this. Let her see that you support her and care for her regardless.

I actually had a friend who did similar to this whilst I was at uni- I think he did a year or two and failed to tell his parents he had quit, he just carried on living in a shared student house. I can't remember how he got away with the issue of graduation day (he was very close to his parents as well, we were all quite shocked!) but I know he was still keeping the lie going long after graduation

OP has realised she fucked up with the uni data protection stuff.

I was with the OP until she said she rang both the bosses and both the universities. No-one is that intrusive, surely?

Instead of immediately calling her a liar because she can't explain immediately, why not give her the benefit of the doubt? Perhaps she is talking to her daughter.

Is this thread really a fake?

I don't know.

I found a letter my Uni (in the 90s) sent to my parents to tell them that I'd not handed in several pieces of coursework for my different modules.

Unashamedly place marking to see if this is false or not.

I know plenty of people who were completely self sufficient at UNi and can easily see how this could happen

I work for a University as well, and agree with what others have said, there is no way any of that information would have been given over the phone, or to anyone but the student.

In the extremely unlikely event that this thread is genuine, I suggest that the OP explains to her DD that the University gave away confidential information without her permission. As the DD will have one hell of a case against the university as it is a direct breach of the Data Protection Act to disclose personal data without the explicit consent of the data 'subject' concerned

Evening all. We have no reason to believe that this poster is a troll, they have been with us for some time and we are inclined to give people the benefit of the doubt. We really do appreciate it when people report their concerns to us via the report button, and must remind you again that troll hunting is not allowed on MN.

How fucking horrible of anyone to fill the thread up with a load of pointless troll hunting snark.

Absolutely vile.

OP I hope you're ok. You must be in shock.

No University should discuss a student in any way, shape or form with anyone without the expressed (usually written) permission of said student. And this is usually given on a case by case basis, i.e. if you give permission to discuss something once, you can only do it once. The next time a situation arises you need to get that permission again.

Not sure about what the motives / issues behind the thread are but these Universities have left themselves wide open (certainly the first one!)

Helen, it's a bit frustrating to give advice and then realise that at least part of the op's posts cannot possibly be true.

Every single person on this thread was supportive and sympathetic at first.

I accept that there is no evidence she is a troll, but it's hard to give advice on a thread where some of the information from the op is obviously untrue.

And I did report.

It might not be untrue though.

Like I've said upthread, my university gave us options to write down names of people we were happy for the university to keep informed about results and such things. It's possible the same thing has happened here. If their dd nominated them for something similar then the university have only shared information with people she has named.

I'm finding all this arm flailing and people getting upset incase their university does the same quite baffling.

How long ago was that BigRedBall? Because data protection practices have changed a lot recently.

My son has SN, and still his college wouldn't even talk to us once he hit 18. Not even when he said they could.

I see no arm flailing or people getting upset BigRedBall, I see people who are starting to feel a little dubious about the information being shared because one aspect of it is inconsistent with most people's experience.

Just out of interest, how long ago did your University have this system?

I left in 2006, they introduced the option in 2004/5 I think. I can't remember the full details but I do remember writing down my dad's name as someone I'd like the university to be allowed to contact and vice versa re results and other things. Maybe things have change since then?

How do employers check details about job applicants, if they claimed they were rugby captain or ran the debating club at uni. I presumed they could check.

If the DD is an ex student does that change the situation.

Yes and what about The Apprentice? How do they check the applicants have attended a university named on their cv or dropped out? Didn't one applicant lie one year and they found out he'd dropped out?

Because the applicant puts them down as a reference

So they have actually asked the employer to contact the University and given permission for them to share information.

OP, she has successfully launched herself into the adult world, supported herself, is gainfully employed, independent ...you should be proud of her, and be OK with her dropping out and lying - offer her some unconditional love and stress the positives to her. Her choices may not be what you wanted for her, but they are what she chose for herself, so be supportive.

Her lying was probably done with the best intentions, she knew you would be disappointed and she told you what you wanted to hear.

Norah - having previously worked in recruitment, we had to get a form signed at each interview that gave permission to check info, they are pretty standard and most unis ask for them to be emailed over and then will give details, if you don't have one signed, then you don't get to check qualifications. These forms are also permission to hold data and check employment history.