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AIBU?

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Original poster

dd has been telling massive lies.

222 replies

namechanged013 · 01/04/2015 17:22

Hello I have name changed for this thread. I did not have a clue as to where to post this ? I am not even sure where to begin today we have just found out that my dd has been lying about every single aspect of her life. We have found out she never went to university and lied about achieving a degree. We have also found out that she has not been at a job she has claimed to have for a year now but has been working as a shop assistant. I am utterly confused and upset and do not understand at all. I'm not even angry as she must have been completely miserable with all these lies the last few years. She is coming home any minute now and I don't know how to confront her or what to do ?

OP posts:
Saladspork · 01/04/2015 19:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nesshitto · 01/04/2015 19:37

omg please confirm that this is made up. I am estranged from my parents (they don't even know where I live) but they do know which university I went to.

If this is for real, and universities can give out this sort of info to 'parents' & my parents investigated like you it could cause me a big headache. I'm also concerned if they told you that, what else they could freely tell you.

Jackie0 · 01/04/2015 19:41

Nesshito, that's exactly the nightmare senario I was thinking of as well.
20+ yes nc and I basically count on data protection to sleep at night .

gymboywalton · 01/04/2015 19:41

i don't believe a word of it

sorry

you would have had to submit enormous amounts of paperwork before she started and then every year.
you don't know how she paid for her accommodation???

GotToBeInItToWinIt · 01/04/2015 19:42

Imperial I never once asked my parents to proof read an essay, my spelling and grammar (and knowledge of the subject!) was much better than theirs Smile.
If the university did release this data then your daughter has every right to be absolutely livid. Complete breach of her privacy. I really can't see it happening myself...

BigRedBall · 01/04/2015 19:45

Actually I recall my university giving us a form to sign naming someone who we would allow to be kept updated with our results, most people wrote down their parents name or partner's name. Some people didn't fill it out. Could be the op'a daughter wrote her parents name if such a form was given at the university?

slithytove · 01/04/2015 19:45

Dont know if it's relevant, but my parents didn't have to do any paperwork after my first enrolment, and my uni will confirm if a person has/hasnt been enrolled there. I know cos I've tried to find alumni. They won't do any more than that though.

googoodolly · 01/04/2015 19:45
Hmm
Nixen · 01/04/2015 19:48

Nesshito and jackie, please do not be worried or concerned. I am sure that no university would do this. I work for one and it is drummed in to us how important data protection is. Many years ago before data protection came into being someone told a parent who phoned which hall of residence their child was living in. The father (who was estranged and nc with the family) turned up with a gun. Data protection annoys the hell out of the parents who don't understand why we won't discuss anything with them cos 'they're paying little Jennys fees' but it is vitally important and can save lives.

FenellaFellorick · 01/04/2015 19:49

Two seperate universities disregarded a not inconsiderable amount of legislation on data protection and confidentiality?

ImperialBlether · 01/04/2015 19:50

GotToBeInIt, my kids studied degrees in subjects I loved but didn't study. I found my own degree really boring and I liked proofreading/double checking their essays because I found them interesting. Their written English is good, but sometimes someone else can spot a mistake faster than the author can.

StickEm · 01/04/2015 19:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Jackie0 · 01/04/2015 19:52

Thanks Nixen ??

insightally · 01/04/2015 19:54

ImperialBlether I did my undergraduate degree followed by my professional (work-related) degree, never once, literally never, did any of my parents proof read an essay or have any input into the actual work. It wasn't the sort of thing they could help with, and wouldn't have known how (non-academic types, never went to uni, in a niche specialist subject). I don't ever recall them helping, or me asking for help, with exam prep or something either.

So lack of understanding or visibility of essay, coursework or exam content isn't always an indicator of someone not going to uni Smile Unless maybe the student was on e.g. a PGCE to become a teacher and her mum or dad was a teacher, of course - then there might be some oversight (you'd hope anyway).

BTW, wanted to add my voice to the posters saying this is more common than people think - there were 2 people on my course who failed exams, one dropped out completely at the end of 2nd year, and didn't tell his parents - as far as I know they probably thought he graduated.

The other one failed exams in his 3rd year, told his parents he was doing a year-long Masters ("won a fully funded place") at the same uni, but was really re-taking his 3rd year over again. I still know him, and his parents - they talk so proudly about how their son has done multiple degrees, postgrad etc. I'm assuming he has no plans to tell them!

BigRedBall · 01/04/2015 19:57

Two seperate universities disregarded a not inconsiderable amount of legislation on data protection and confidentiality?

Which 2? The second university didn't have a record of her name. Just like Oxford university had no record of Natasha Bolter (of UKIP mp scandal fame) when they were asked. It's not breaking the law saying someone of that name didn't attend their university.

nesshitto · 01/04/2015 19:58

Thanks from me too Nixen Flowers

Shit isn't it JackieO, that horrible panic can rear its head from the strangest placesWine

Patapouf · 01/04/2015 19:59

yes but by saying they cannot confirm she doesn't attend might make the caller believe they do attend IYSWIM?

BigRedBall · 01/04/2015 19:59

If this thread is fake, I'd just like to say:

What an odd thing to lie about! Confused.

NerrSnerr · 01/04/2015 20:01

Come back OP and tell us what this is all about.

littlesupersparks · 01/04/2015 20:16

I think people are being a bit harsh about the graduation etc - my parents didn't supply me with any financial support or read my essays. I didn't even attend my graduation - not sure why they would want to?!!! I can easily see how she covered it up. I transferred universities after my first year without discussing it with them. When I lost my accommodation in my second year my sister came to help me. Another sister lent me £500 in my final year to help me with bills etc.

OP please be gentle with your daughter - lies of this level come from a place of desperation and I think she really needs to know you love her unconditionally x

Songofsixpence · 01/04/2015 20:16

I'd also go with others who have said it's more common than you think.

Something similar happened with some friends of my parents several years ago, there was an emergency and one parent wasn't expected to live, everyone was frantically trying to track their son down, and called the big, blue chip company he'd said he'd worked at for 10 years. Except they had absolutely no record of him, ever.

It all came out over the following months, he'd been lying for years about uni, his job, everything. The parents didn't have a clue. Neither had been to university themselves so believed the stuff he'd told them, why wouldn't they? They had no reason to doubt him.

drbonnieblossman · 01/04/2015 20:20

Thanks awful. I was just feeling so sorry for the poor daughter and all of a sudden the tone on here changed!

That's a bloody hour of my life in reading and typing I'll never get back.

Tinytillytot · 01/04/2015 20:22

I lied to my parents about getting a degree. I messed up in a big way and was just so ashamed that I lied and lied. I feel terrible now and am still not sure if they know the truth and it still worries me almost 12 years later. I am successful career wise now more so than I would have been in my uni discipline but it still worries me now. It's so easy to get caught up in a horrible lie. Please be easy on your dd if this is in fact a real thread

Tinytillytot · 01/04/2015 20:25

Also, I don't think my dad even knew what I was reading at uni, he just never showed an interest. I certainly never asked him to read through any of my essays

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 01/04/2015 20:27

So is this thread a dud?