dd has been telling massive lies.

[namechanged013]

Hello I have name changed for this thread. I did not have a clue as to where to post this ? I am not even sure where to begin today we have just found out that my dd has been lying about every single aspect of her life. We have found out she never went to university and lied about achieving a degree. We have also found out that she has not been at a job she has claimed to have for a year now but has been working as a shop assistant. I am utterly confused and upset and do not understand at all. I'm not even angry as she must have been completely miserable with all these lies the last few years. She is coming home any minute now and I don't know how to confront her or what to do ?

I know someone whose child did this. It's not a reflection on you, your parenting or your child. It's happened. In my experience it was a combination of a high achiever struggling and not wanting to worry parents. And then the lie snowballed.

I want to give you all a big hug. It's not the best situation, but honestly itcould be so much worse.

"Not great that you didn't help her out financially in all her time that you thought she was at uni except for a few grocery shops."

My parents didn't help me out financially during uni either, they couldn't afford to, I supported myself. I don't see how that's a bad thing?

The university surely aren't allowed to discuss a grown adult's results! Your daughter has the right to be very annoyed about that. She will also probably also be upset that you'd called the university and workplaces before you spoke to her!

Like many others on the thread I know somebody who did this, she was worried about disappointing her parents.
She did come clean a bit sooner (not much) they were shocked but supported her. That really made a difference. She found her right way in the end and is a very happy (mostly) teacher now.

None of this will matter in ten/ twenty years but she'll always remember how you reacted to it. Try to be calm and supportive when you have a chat with her.

I'm a bit about either university telling you anything.

ime universities won't tell parents anything at all. Ever. And rightly so.

Why would a uni or employer breech confidence to an apparent stranger?

Or what TheAwfulDaughter said

[wimp emoticon]

I'd be very surprised indeed if a university discussed a student's grades (or anything at all actually) with a third party as that would be a complete breach of confidentiality.
Even if it was a parent asking!

theawguldaughter I agree, but apparently you aren't allowed to say that I called mauled yesterday for saying I was skeptical.

awful in what way don't you believe it? I get there are a few people who have queried the uni speaking to the dad. I don't know anything about the way they operate but is it not possible that the dad could have given an elaborate story to them, or the person at the uni made an error in disclosing the information?

Forgot my

bollocks would the university offer up that information.

and you've managed to make her work position difficult now by asking about. not sure why her current boss would give you information about her either actually.

You sound v ray over involved in your dad's life, contacting her work and university

She obviously had her reasons for doing what she did. It is sad she didn't feel able to be honest with you vut she is an adult and you need to respect that.

I had the opposite problem, I left Uni in my second year and my parents wouldn't tell anyone, too ashamed Uni is not right for some people, you have to make a huge life choice so young and it doesn't work out for everyone. I went back to Uni a few years later and now have a successful career as a Nurse and no regrets.

No story could be elaborate enough for a university office to give information about exam results to a parent.

In fact, no university should give any exam results to anyone over the phone, even to the student. In my experience, they will only communicate face to face with the student (on production of the student card as ID) or to a pre-arranged official college email address or in writing to a pre-agreed home address.

Anything else is in breach of data protection and university offices would know that.

I work at a university and there is categorically no way they released that information to a students parents. We would not even confirm we had or had ever had a student of that name. Data protection is a huge issue and students have very sadly died from breaches of this in the past.

I think we need some new emoticons. a sock puppet one and maybe a cute little fuzzy haired troll one.

if this scenario was even real, it would be of your own making. nobody should feel that they are an embarrassment to their parents and youre obviously v. over involved.

What everyone else said about releasing info - no way would a university do this. Close relative deals with these kind of requests every day and can't give anything out

So two separate universities gave out data protected info?
I'm honestly not casting aspersions but that's really reckless of them!

Oh caught up with other posts , it's not reckless , its impossible ( & illegal)

So say the dad came up with an elaborate lie and got the info? That would be ok while chastising the dd for lying? Sorry...i'm out.