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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To feel violated and so so angry with boyfriend.

322 replies

CherryFlavourPez · 29/03/2015 18:36

NC for this so I don't out myself.

My 'D'P and I have been together for 2 years, I have a DC from a previous relationship who is 3. We are both still young and I've made it clear I don't want any more DC for a long time, preferably when I'm married.

'D'P has always seemed to understand and respect this but has had thoughts of wanting a baby that he has expressed to me. My answer has always been 'not yet'.

Well last night we were about to have sex when I realised we were out of condoms. He said it would be alright, he'd pull out and he was sure it would be fine just this once. I obliged (I know, please don't judge me). When it got to that 'time' for him I could tell it was going to happen so went to move off of him and he held my arms so I couldn't and didn't pull out.

I was and still am really really angry. He says he couldn't help it but I just don't believe him. I tried to move and he wouldn't let me. I've been so upset all day, I'm so mad that he would purposely take that risk when it wasn't what we had agreed. He has no idea how difficult raising a child is so I don't think he understands how serious the situation is.

AIBU to be so upset and angry and be seriously rethinking our relationship?

OP posts:
PeachyPants · 29/03/2015 18:39

That is horrendous, he held your arms, that is rape, I'm so sorry that he did this, do you have anyone you can confide in IRL?

RevoltingPeasant · 29/03/2015 18:39

Yanbu at all. Dangerously close to rape IMO.

Pyjamasandwine · 29/03/2015 18:39

Bloody hell op. That's terrible behaviour.

LittleBearPad · 29/03/2015 18:41

I don't blame you for being angry. What does he say?

I don't think its rape.

Clobbered · 29/03/2015 18:41

Morning after pill.
And LTB.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 29/03/2015 18:41

I think there's a debate about where this falls in relation to rape but it doesn't matter. What he did was wholly unacceptable. You're not unreasonable to feel the way you do.

rindercella · 29/03/2015 18:41

YANBU.

Take the MAP asap.

And then take a very long walk, away from this man.

Pyjamasandwine · 29/03/2015 18:42

Morning after pill Definatly and then you have some real thinking to do op.

BestZebbie · 29/03/2015 18:42

Did you at least make him come with you to get emergency contraception?

But yes, very rapey, totally reasonable grounds to consider him a danger to your person (via pregnancy) and to dump him over it.

Stillyummy · 29/03/2015 18:43

He is a wrongin to say the least. Have you taken the morning after pill? If not do it straight away.

Original poster
CherryFlavourPez · 29/03/2015 18:43

He insists he 'couldn't help it' but I know that's bullshit, he purposely stopped me from moving. I feel violated that he did this when he knows it's not what I want.

OP posts:
RJnomore · 29/03/2015 18:43

It is rape.

You gave consent with express limits and you did not consent to what he did when he deliberately ejaculated inside you. That's rape.

There was a good thread about it recently I don't know if I will be able to find it though.

MrsDutchie · 29/03/2015 18:43

If it's not rape, it's sexual assault surely - being held against your will with the use of physical contact.

So so sorry that you had to go through that. Would advise morning after pill. Also, and I really don't say this as lightly as it is thrown about on here, but LTB. LTB now.

mayfridaycomequickly · 29/03/2015 18:43

Have you taken the morning after pill? I'd do that and then think about leaving him.

Totality22 · 29/03/2015 18:43

Get yourself the morning after pill and get back of the boyfriend.

I'm not going to mention the 'R' word but regardless of how you define it your boyfriend has betrayed your trust and gone against your explicit wishes.

HappinessHappening · 29/03/2015 18:43

What he did was awful, I would seriously struggle to respect or forgive him after something like that

Will you be able to get emergency contraception?

RJnomore · 29/03/2015 18:44

It is very clearly and without doubt rape, I can't emphasise that enough.

Totality22 · 29/03/2015 18:44

Sorry that should say

get rid of the boyfriend

TheWhiteRoad · 29/03/2015 18:44

You wanted to stop having sex and he physically restrained you so you couldn't . That's appalling OP.

I'm so sorry Flowers

MrsDutchie · 29/03/2015 18:44

Couldn't help it?! Couldn't help it is used to describe getting lost in a moment not forcing someone's arms down.

Original poster
CherryFlavourPez · 29/03/2015 18:44

I am going to get the MAP tomorrow while he's at work, nothing was open today anyway. Will it still definitely be effective?

OP posts:
PunkrockerGirl · 29/03/2015 18:45

Definitely morning after pill as soon as you can.
Sorry you are going through this Flowers

GoGiYerHeedAWobble · 29/03/2015 18:45

I don't think there is a debate about whether it was rape or not. The op withdrew her consent, it doesn't matter at which point she withdrew it, it only matters that she did, and was forced to carry on, it was rape at the point she wanted to stop and he didn't allow her.

I second the advice to get the MAP as soon as you can, and definitely leave him.

mammaof4girls · 29/03/2015 18:45

You are most definitely NOT being unreasonable. How can anyone think that is acceptable. I think if you where to stay with him you wouldn't be able to trust him again. now you have the added stress of the morning after pill which can mess your cycles and cause side effects.

MrsDutchie · 29/03/2015 18:46

Yes it will be. There's two types of MAP - one that's effective for up to 5 days after xx