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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To feel violated and so so angry with boyfriend.

322 replies

CherryFlavourPez · 29/03/2015 18:36

NC for this so I don't out myself.

My 'D'P and I have been together for 2 years, I have a DC from a previous relationship who is 3. We are both still young and I've made it clear I don't want any more DC for a long time, preferably when I'm married.

'D'P has always seemed to understand and respect this but has had thoughts of wanting a baby that he has expressed to me. My answer has always been 'not yet'.

Well last night we were about to have sex when I realised we were out of condoms. He said it would be alright, he'd pull out and he was sure it would be fine just this once. I obliged (I know, please don't judge me). When it got to that 'time' for him I could tell it was going to happen so went to move off of him and he held my arms so I couldn't and didn't pull out.

I was and still am really really angry. He says he couldn't help it but I just don't believe him. I tried to move and he wouldn't let me. I've been so upset all day, I'm so mad that he would purposely take that risk when it wasn't what we had agreed. He has no idea how difficult raising a child is so I don't think he understands how serious the situation is.

AIBU to be so upset and angry and be seriously rethinking our relationship?

OP posts:
GunShotResidue · 31/03/2015 10:28

Crocodopolis Yes, someone linked to the article earlier. It's not that similar, other than the fact a man ejaculated into them both without permission. If your suggesting this thread is unlikely to be true because it's happened before, Rape Crisis estimate that over 5000 women in England and Wales alone have been raped since that article came out, so statistically there's no reason to think it isn't true.

I hope your doing ok today OP Flowers

magoria · 31/03/2015 11:51

Thank god he showed his colours now BEFORE you are tied to him with a child!

differentnameforthis · 31/03/2015 11:56

Hmm. I read what is virtually the same story in The Guardian a few weeks ago

So you're suggesting that because this was in the paper a few weeks ago, the op must have copied it & posted here for what ... To troll?

Whatever you think of the op, you are coming of as being worse because you are troll hunting on a thread where people are helping a victim of a serious sexual assault.

IF you have doubts, report. Otherwise have some fucking respect & stop troll hunting on a thread like this.

Gruntfuttock · 31/03/2015 12:20

Penfold007 "Please get the morning after pill."

See OP's post @ Mon 30-Mar-15 12:03:31

Aeroflotgirl · 31/03/2015 12:47

YY different I totally agree, not very nice at all.

nunkspugget · 31/03/2015 13:03

Keep posting op, mumsnet is, in my opinion, the best place to be despite some idiots determined to be twats.

KittensOnAPlane · 31/03/2015 13:09

i dont really have much to add, but wanted to add my voice to those supporting you xx

Penfold007 · 31/03/2015 14:28

Gruntfuttock I hadn't seen it but have now, thank you.

Ohfourfoxache · 31/03/2015 14:29

I also don't have anything helpful to add, just wanted to say that I think you're amazing and that I believe you x

lottieandmias · 31/03/2015 14:32

Of course it was rape - you tried to move him out of you and he forced you to stay there. You didn't want him to still be inside you at that point.

I honestly would leave him. He sounds abusive. He's trying to make you have a baby you don't want and also doesn't respect your body. You are correct to feel violated.

Original poster
CherryFlavourPez · 31/03/2015 19:21

I hadn't seen the guardian story but can assure you this definitely happened? I don't know what else to say to that.

I'm so grateful for all of your kind words I can't tell you all how helpful they have been Flowers

OP posts:
DoJo · 31/03/2015 19:29

You are brave and strong and there are many more of us who understand what happened and believe you than there are wind-up merchants who have nothing better to do.

Well done for taking the brave step and hopefully after a bit of time without someone trying to manipulate you and undermine your self confidence you will be enjoying your new-found freedom and making the most of being able to do whatever you want with your life. Good luck Flowers

WeAreAllStarDust · 31/03/2015 19:42

Don't reply to him.

I'm here to hold your hand, through it all. I believe you - and I'm sending love through MN

MrsWembley · 31/03/2015 19:53

We pretty much all believe you! And those idiots who chose to doubt are badly informed fuckwits.Angry

PilchardPrincess · 31/03/2015 21:17

hahahhahaha @ article in Guardian a few weeks ago so it must be a copy cat.

Yeah because men doing this sort of thing to women is so incredibly super-rare.

We believe you OP and you are doing 100% the right thing. Hope that he leaves you alone.

UptheChimney · 31/03/2015 22:21

I believe you OP.

BlessedAndGr8fulNoInLaws4Xmas · 31/03/2015 22:32

Oh Cherry please just ignore the ignorant amongst Mnet.

Having felt really stabby by the ignoramus comments on here I ran your situation past my DH who is a senior police officer - and yes as I thought and knew - your situation DOES qualify as rape under law.

I hope you have tolerated the MOP ok Thanks.

BlessedAndGr8fulNoInLaws4Xmas · 31/03/2015 22:35

I can't believe I have written MOPBlush
I obviously mean I hope you have tolerated the MAP ok x

IsItIorAreTheOthersCrazy · 31/03/2015 22:36

I've read this thread and am amazed at the amount of doubters. Anything sexual that you did not actively consent to is unacceptable.

We have all taken risks when we've got carried away. What happened to you isn't that, it was a choice made by him. Your thoughts and feelings we're not considered.

I believe you OP Flowers

SleepyAlpaca · 31/03/2015 22:59

I totally agree YANBU. You can't trust him again after that. If he respects and loves you he wouldn't do something like that. I think you need to consider 1) the whole relationship 2) whether you want to report him to the police. If you say no at any point and he restrains you then I'm sure that is rape.

glittertits · 31/03/2015 23:17

Cherry you are a fantastic, incredible woman. Thanks

rumbleinthrjungle · 01/04/2015 19:04

Well done love Thanks I'm sorry you've had to find out he's such a bastard in such a horrible way.

His text.... ffs. 'if you loved me you'd let me do whatever the hell I want to you it'

Get rid.

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