To feel violated and so so angry with boyfriend.

[CherryFlavourPez]

NC for this so I don't out myself.

My 'D'P and I have been together for 2 years, I have a DC from a previous relationship who is 3. We are both still young and I've made it clear I don't want any more DC for a long time, preferably when I'm married.

'D'P has always seemed to understand and respect this but has had thoughts of wanting a baby that he has expressed to me. My answer has always been 'not yet'.

Well last night we were about to have sex when I realised we were out of condoms. He said it would be alright, he'd pull out and he was sure it would be fine just this once. I obliged (I know, please don't judge me). When it got to that 'time' for him I could tell it was going to happen so went to move off of him and he held my arms so I couldn't and didn't pull out.

I was and still am really really angry. He says he couldn't help it but I just don't believe him. I tried to move and he wouldn't let me. I've been so upset all day, I'm so mad that he would purposely take that risk when it wasn't what we had agreed. He has no idea how difficult raising a child is so I don't think he understands how serious the situation is.

AIBU to be so upset and angry and be seriously rethinking our relationship?

Miamh you are disgusting, you really are. Sex shou,d have stopped the moment she said no or pulled away, he held her arms so she could not escape. Consential sex can turn into rape.

Niamh because she said 'stop' he didn't, THAT makes it rape. A woman (or any sexual partner) had the right to say stop at any point and to continue is rape. It's very simple do unsure why you don't get it?

If the OP had been taking the pill AND he'd been using a condom, it would still have been rape if he held her down and persisted doing what he did when she had withdrawn consent.

Cherry

Does this mean they all deserve to be held down and impregnated against their will?

Yes Niamh I think a lot of practising Catholics will be shocked to learn this. Clearly they need the benefit of your wisdom

No he cannot just carry on, if tge other partner says no, and does not want it anymore. Yes it is rape.

I couldn't sleep with someone who did this, it really would be game over for our relationship

Sorry OP

Do they still offer the coil as emergency contraception to stop an embryo implanting? May be worth seeing your gp as well as taking MAP and discussing alternative contraception going forward. Hope you are ok

I agree with the poster who says reproductive cohersion should be taught in schools for both sexes. Whilst more common for women to trick men into parenthood it does happen the other way too.

There are always chemists open over the weekend and a quick Google will find the nearest one.

Nhs24 might be able to advise hoe to get hold of MAP OOH.

Whether or not this is rape, it's completely unacceptable. Something like this would really make me rethink the relationship.

Hope you're ok OP.

The title of the thread isn't 'being worried about falling pregnant', so not really sure why you think that's relevant naimh. It's about feeling violated.
Sorry to hear about what happened to you OP.
No one can tell you what to do of course, but speaking for myself I couldn't stay with this man. He knows he got one over you, and that would be on my mind every time we had sex.

why can he not get carried away too? Why does this automatically make him a rapist from one incident? Unless there's some backstory I'm completely missing and he's done this before

No backstory required. She said stop, and he didn't. That makes it rape.

LittleMonsters a man can always choose to use a condom if he is unsure.

For a woman with an abusive man who wants to impregnate her against all costs its different.......there is a lot more violence involved. Men have ripped out womens IUDs. There was a guest post on the Feminism board a while back where a man had cut the contraceptive implant out of the womans arm with a Stanley knife.

Go away Niamh FFS.

She was raped by every legal definition of the word.

OP. I am so sorry this happened to you. I hope you leave him, you deserve more.

jezebel.com/5978759/why-are-some-men-pulling-out-womens-iuds

Evening all,

Thanks for all your reports about this thread.

We have deleted some victim-blaming posts and feel like now would be a good time to link to our We Believe You Campaign.

There's a list of the rape myths we're challenging here.

And here's one myth that a certain poster may need reminding about:

MYTH: It's not rape if a woman has consented to some sexual intimacy
REALITY: A woman can withdraw consent at any time during sexual activity.

Hope you're okay, OP.

"He removed her contraceptive implant with a Stanley knife while sitting on her chest"

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/guest_posts/2261847-Guest-post-Dawn-Purvis-the-pro-life-protesters-outside-our-centre-have-no-idea-of-the-harm-they-cause

So you see LittleMonsters the two cannot be compared.

FFS treacle. Maybe reading the whole thread would make your posts less ignorant?

It was rape treacleturkey.

yes, a huge betrayal of trust. i would seriously be rethinking the relationship. trust is an absolute minimum really.

hope you're ok.

Ok then, if it was rape, then clearly I have been raped at least 20 times, myself.