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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be pissed off with DP

218 replies

OffOnABender · 09/09/2013 10:44

DP went out last night for a friends birthday and still isn't home. He had work at 8M this morning. He told me it would be a late one (about 3am) but at 5am he still weren't home so I phoned to make sure everything was okay and he was wasted and still drinking and refusing to stop because he was having a good time, he hung up and I haven't heard from him since.

I doubt he's gone to work because he's job is driving so my money is that he's still drinking. AIBU to be pissed off? And think he's a grown man so grow the fuck up Angry

OP posts:
Snorbs · 09/09/2013 10:50

Is this a one-off or does he pull this kind of stunt regularly?

Original poster
OffOnABender · 09/09/2013 10:50

He's done this a few times but come home a out 7 still completely drunk and had to miss work. I'd say about 5-6 times this year

OP posts:
TheFuzz · 09/09/2013 10:51

That's crazy on a 'school night'. Doubt the employer will be happy at a "no show"

Catwoman12 · 09/09/2013 10:51

Yanbu!

I would be livid HmmAngry

Yorkieaddict · 09/09/2013 10:53

YANBU, I would be beyond furious! He obviously never planned to go to work today given that he was planning on drinking until 3. I can't imagine he will have a job to worry about much longer if he carries on behaving like this!

DuelingFanjo · 09/09/2013 10:54

Are you sure it's just alcohol?

WorraLiberty · 09/09/2013 10:55

YANBU

But even if he did come home at 3am, he'd still be well over the drink/drive limit at 8am.

Wheresmycaffeinedrip · 09/09/2013 10:55

Yanbu. But then I'm old. I no longer see the fun on going out drinking all bloody night. Much lreder to pace drinks and remain sober and able to function next morning.

If I had called in sick to work with a hangover 5-6 times this year id be out of a job. It's thanks to idiots like that , that companies now accept no excuses for being off sick and your forces to come in feeling like crap or risk being bitches about.

InTheRedCorner · 09/09/2013 10:55

Yanbu that's not far off from once a month. Do you have any idea where he is?

Wheresmycaffeinedrip · 09/09/2013 10:56

Prefer

Forced

Bitched

Damn phone

Original poster
OffOnABender · 09/09/2013 11:04

His employer is his dad so I'm hoping he goes mental at him.

No I'm not sure it's just alcohol. On one of the other times he done this he come home and I knew something wasn't right he was completely different and when I asked and said he doesn't seem himself and is acting weird he got all defensive and then told me he'd took drugs which completely Shock me and I wouldn't have thought he would have done that

OP posts:
Original poster
OffOnABender · 09/09/2013 11:10

There's 2 places he could be and if he's not there then god knows where he would be.

I'm so pissed off, his excuse is I work hard I deserve to let off steam, well IMO you can let off steam without staying out all night drinking. It's not like he never drinks he goes out once a week and gets wasted

OP posts:
Wheresmycaffeinedrip · 09/09/2013 11:14

Sounds like he has a problem to be honest. An adult should be able to go out and not get wasted. It can't be necessary every week surely. That's the behaviour of young single people. Ones who don't have work in the morning.

The drugs would be it for me though I think. I couldn't be around someone who did that.

mrsjay · 09/09/2013 11:16

you can let off steam without staying out all night and going AWOL he sounds a nightmare when he goes out no adive really I would be livid too

livinginwonderland · 09/09/2013 11:16

I would be reconsidering living with someone like this.

DP has a "lads night" about once a month or so. He never comes home hammered and he's never not come home before either. He always gets home and if he's going to be late he's generally good at letting me know, or he'll text me back if I ask what time to expect him (I'm a massive worrier). He also never gets drunk on a "school night".

I would not be okay living with someone who got wasted once a week and who was willing to miss work to drink/recover from a night out.

Original poster
OffOnABender · 09/09/2013 11:21

The first time done drugs I told him it was unacceptable, our DD was only a couple of months old and I told him I'm not putting her or myself in that situation and if it happened again it would be over.

I agree that it still seems he wants the single life. He's not acting like a grown man with a family. I don't think he needs to go out and get so drunk once a week but he does it and thinks "I work hard so it's okay" is the end of conversation. Well if I did that I'd get all sorts of grief from him but I'm not that way.

OP posts:
TantrumsAndBalloons · 09/09/2013 11:23

Is he taking cocaine? I remember my friend used to drink til 9am when she was doing it. She used to go out for a quick drink during the week and end up still drinking at 8-9am, completley forgetting about work

Original poster
OffOnABender · 09/09/2013 11:26

That's what he took before but I don't know about to tonight. The people he's with (who he doesn't normally drink with) take this so I don't know if be would again but he seemed to be disgusted with himself last time

OP posts:
TantrumsAndBalloons · 09/09/2013 11:28

If he is still drinking at 7am and is not bothered about missing work or upsetting you, then I would guess he has been taking coke.

JoinYourPlayfellows · 09/09/2013 11:29

"he seemed to be disgusted with himself last time"

Cokeheads are always disgusted with themselves after a bender.

It doesn't stop them doing it again.

Original poster
OffOnABender · 09/09/2013 11:35

I just don't know. I wouldn't have thought he would do this but something's not right. Do I phone him again?

Half of me wants to take DD out so its like I'm not sitting round waiting for you but then I want to see what state and time he comes back in Sad

OP posts:
JoinYourPlayfellows · 09/09/2013 11:37

I think you should just go about your day as normal and deal with him when he comes back.

I really feel for you. This is no way for a parent to behave :(

He is very lucky he works for his Dad, that pattern of sick leave would put you in trouble in many workplaces.

Wheresmycaffeinedrip · 09/09/2013 11:40

How close are you to his dad? Could you talk to him? I mean allowing him to get away with no shows at work is kind of enabling him to carry on tbh. Why should he stop if he can get away with it.

In long run it would do him a favour, he won't always work for his dad and no where else will give him a second/third chance if he did the same.

Original poster
OffOnABender · 09/09/2013 11:43

No I don't get on with his parents at all but he will always work for his dad.

I wouldn't be surprised if he's tried to go to work drunk, it wouldn't be the first time.

OP posts:
Fairy1303 · 09/09/2013 11:45

He might not have taken drugs. I have been known to be out until morning when drinking and drug free. Is it possible that he has gone to a mates house at say 5 this morning and is still sleeping?

Could he be in any trouble?

Personally I'd be annoyed but mostly for the worry caused and the lack of thought for me. Once a month bender - not the end of the world. Once a week? Without any contact? On a school night? Yanbu.

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