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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be pissed off with DP

218 replies

OffOnABender · 09/09/2013 10:44

DP went out last night for a friends birthday and still isn't home. He had work at 8M this morning. He told me it would be a late one (about 3am) but at 5am he still weren't home so I phoned to make sure everything was okay and he was wasted and still drinking and refusing to stop because he was having a good time, he hung up and I haven't heard from him since.

I doubt he's gone to work because he's job is driving so my money is that he's still drinking. AIBU to be pissed off? And think he's a grown man so grow the fuck up Angry

OP posts:
Ezio · 09/09/2013 17:07

How long has been missing?

quesadilla · 09/09/2013 17:08

OP I think most people understand how difficult this is and realise that walking away is very very hard.

I am not necessarily saying you need to walk away forever now (though that might not be a bad idea.) but you need to be prepared to do that and he needs to be able to see that.

If he sees he is about to lose his family as a direct result of his behaviour he may change. But just waiting for him to get back and trying to talk to him is not going to achieve this.

I feel for you and hope you can stay strong.

Catwoman12 · 09/09/2013 17:18

I have been lurking and I can't believe he is still not home at 17.15!!! That is unbelievable, I am a natural worrier, I would be thinking all sorts, hope he comes home soon, the longer he leaves it the worse he will make it on himself...

What a grade A pig! You deserve better, but if he is willing to change and takes necessary steps I think I would work on it too, it's easy for everyone else to look in and tell you to leave him...

Good luck OP x

KatieScarlett2833 · 09/09/2013 17:22

But he's not willing to change Catwoman, is he?

AllEyeEatIsCake · 09/09/2013 17:22

This is awful situation to be in. Hope you are managing to get dinner sorted with your little one. Big hugs and hopefully there is a nice plausible reason as to why he has not been in touch. Hope for the best. And once you know what/where he's been... Then you can decide what to do moving forward with your relationship.

Pollydon · 09/09/2013 17:23

Agree with other posters, short sharp shock time.

notapizzaeater · 09/09/2013 17:31

I'd be furious too - can you pack up and go somewhere tonight ?

ThePinkOcelot · 09/09/2013 17:33

I know it is easy for those of us not in the situation to say leave him, but I don't think you have a choice. I have watched my sister lose everything, including the roof over her head. He didn't pay the mortgage, preferring to spend the money on drink and drugs. Don't let that be you.

RobotHamster · 09/09/2013 17:34

Any chance he tried to drive this morning and has been caught and locked in a cell all day? Maybe a call to the police station to ask,and they'd be able to advise about reporting him missing.

wordfactory · 09/09/2013 17:35

As I understand it OP, your DH goes on a bender once a week and goes on 'the missing list' every couple of months. This is not the action of a man who cares for you. You should not have to live like this and you seriously do not want your DD to grow up with this.

brainwashed · 09/09/2013 17:36

Was on here earlier and came back fully expecting him to be back by now. Do you have any real life support near by..you've had an awful day I expect you could use some?

Ezio · 09/09/2013 17:37

Robot has a point about the police station.

InTheRedCorner · 09/09/2013 17:39

How are you Off you must be going out of your mind. I can understand your mind set right now but his disseperence speaks volumes if he is just hiding from you whilst recovering.

BoozyBear · 09/09/2013 17:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
OffOnABender · 09/09/2013 17:48

Sorry can't reply to everything, jus going out for a walk with my friend.

I'm so confused, angry, scared everything.

OP posts:
Lj8893 · 09/09/2013 17:54

Do you know what friends house he could possibly at? Or can you find out the address?

BeetleBugBaby · 09/09/2013 17:58

Still a no show? What an utter twat he is.

FourGates · 09/09/2013 18:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KatieScarlett2833 · 09/09/2013 18:02

Good idea OP. Clear your head and talk to your friend.

Hopelass · 09/09/2013 18:06

What RobotHamster says is possible. If he has been caught trying to drive and arrested they wouldn't necessarily let him call anyone until he is sober which by the sounds of it won't be for a while and even then given his lack of regard for you he might choose to ring his mates/parents...... Maybe call the local police custody suite or your local station to start with. Glad to hear you have a friend in RL for support. Hang on in there, we are all on your side.

complexnumber · 09/09/2013 18:09

There will come a time soon when you will have to contact his parents. However unpleasant that might be.

If he really has 'vanished' (as opposed to sleeping off a hangover round his mate's) they should know... it's unlikely he showed up for work.

Absolute wanker if he is just lying below the radar, absolute fucking wanker. However, I hope that is the case rather than something worse.

PurplePidjin · 09/09/2013 18:18

His behaviour is not your responsibility. His behaviour has/might caused the end of your relationship, not your response.

Drugs once would end a relationship for me. Staying out all night would do likewise. As would buggering off up the pub once a week. Respectful adults do not treat their partners like you're being treated.

Original poster
OffOnABender · 09/09/2013 18:31

I've just phoned the police and he's not with them. I've tried his friend and he's not answering or texting back. I think I'm going to have to text his dad was thinking of something like "sorry to both you just wondering if you've heard from XXX at all today" what do you think?

OP posts:
Original poster
OffOnABender · 09/09/2013 18:32

I really don't want to contact them though Sad

OP posts:
Ezio · 09/09/2013 18:33

Last resort, you gonna have to ask.