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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be pissed off with DP

218 replies

OffOnABender · 09/09/2013 10:44

DP went out last night for a friends birthday and still isn't home. He had work at 8M this morning. He told me it would be a late one (about 3am) but at 5am he still weren't home so I phoned to make sure everything was okay and he was wasted and still drinking and refusing to stop because he was having a good time, he hung up and I haven't heard from him since.

I doubt he's gone to work because he's job is driving so my money is that he's still drinking. AIBU to be pissed off? And think he's a grown man so grow the fuck up Angry

OP posts:
Original poster
OffOnABender · 09/09/2013 14:02

Would it be childish of me to move his car off the drive and leave it in the next street? He'd soon shit himself of he come back and his precious car wasn't here

OP posts:
Hopelass · 09/09/2013 14:15

Forgive me but rather than playing games moving his car IMHO you should be sitting him down when he decides to show up and telling him you are not prepared to subject your DD to this behaviour anymore then leave and go and stay somewhere whilst he processes this. That should make him "shit himself" and if not, get rid for gods sake. He sounds like a waste of space. Sorry.
Oh and if he goes to work drunk and you know he is driving you should be contacting the police.

Andro · 09/09/2013 14:25

I'd be more likely to pack all his possessions into said car and hand him the keys when he eventually crawled home...his behaviour is beyond unacceptable.

Original poster
OffOnABender · 09/09/2013 14:45

I haven't moved his car and I wouldn't it's childish I just want him to panic abit like what he's doing to me.

I drove past his work and he's not there.

I've contacted the hospital and he's not there.

As a last resort I've texted a friend of his but not expecting to hear anything back. He is just being a selfish arsehole now. It's almost 3 I'm the bloody afternoon what's he playing at

OP posts:
Snorbs · 09/09/2013 14:53

What he's playing at is the piss-artist game. He gets wankered whenever he wants secure in the knowledge that he can dump all responsibilities on to you. He knows he can get away with this. Sure you'll be annoyed at him but he'll just put that down to you being a nag. He knows that he can carry on doing this and you'll do nothing more than get the arse with him.

The bottom line is that it's more important to him to protect his right to fuck off whenever he likes and drink himself senseless than it is to be a partner to you and a father to your daughter.

Original poster
OffOnABender · 09/09/2013 15:03

I'm so angry Angry

OP posts:
RobotHamster · 09/09/2013 15:07

I can't believe he's not been in touch yet... What a selfish arsehole

Wheresmycaffeinedrip · 09/09/2013 15:09

In all honesty it's probably a good thing he's not back. Last thing you need is some stinking puking cranky arse stinking out your house and yelling at you for not letting him sleep.

Double lock the door and go out.

Original poster
OffOnABender · 09/09/2013 15:10

I know I messages a friend of his and got a reply that the last they saw was when they left him and another friend at XXX house cause they wanted to carry on. I know this person has kids so they would have been up early for school

OP posts:
Juniperdewdropofbrandy · 09/09/2013 15:10

That's a bit worrying if he doesn't usually go awol?

MrsTerryPratchett · 09/09/2013 15:14

My ex-H used to do this kind of thing. I got rid. I came home after I dumped him when we were supposed to be discussing divorce stuff and he was slumped in a chair, asleep, still in his leather jacket, stinking of booze. A wave of relief went over me and I thought, "that's not my problem any more" and left.

DH goes out once on a while but he calls, arranges it in advance, doesn't go AWOL and still parents and works.

Original poster
OffOnABender · 09/09/2013 15:16

Whenever he decides to show his face, he'll come in get a shower and go to bed and then tomorrow when I say I wanna talk he won't and then when it drags on its me who's making this a big deal and nagging and there's no problem with him doing it if I just accept it, he works hard so deserves to and the only one who's causing problems is me Sad

OP posts:
stowsettler · 09/09/2013 15:19

OffOnABender, I can only echo everyone who's telling you to get rid of this cock-knocker. Just pack him a bag and put it in his car.
Don't argue with him when he finally rocks up, don't ask where he's been, don't try to tell him how much of a prick he's been - what would be the point?
Just chuck him out and don't let him back.

Pollydon · 09/09/2013 15:21

Show him the door, with all of his belongings bagged up next to it. You do not need this shit.

Original poster
OffOnABender · 09/09/2013 15:22

It's not that easy though is it. He has alot of good points but then this aswell Sad

OP posts:
Andro · 09/09/2013 15:22

Nobody deserves go out on all night benders on a regular/semi regular basis, go awol, expect their partner/spouse to just accept it without argument and refuse to discuss problems within the relationship. Those are not the behaviours of a responsible adult...they are certainly not the behaviours of a responsible parent.

Charlottehere · 09/09/2013 15:24

He's very irresponsible...he wasn't going to work anyway. 5 hours after getting and he drives?

Pollydon · 09/09/2013 15:25

What has he got, a solid gold cock ?
He is treating you & dc like shit by doing this , and has a drinking problem, & gaslights you !

Jengnr · 09/09/2013 15:25

Even if you consider coming in at 3 pissed out of your mind when you have a driving job to start at 8 acceptable (it's not btw) he is TWELVE hours later than that and counting.

stowsettler · 09/09/2013 15:25

It is that easy. Granted, it takes guts to do it. I've been mucked around by too many people in the past to take any shit off anyone any more. If he's not prepared to change the way he is for his family, then he's a twat who deserves to be binned.

Pollydon · 09/09/2013 15:28

Op, I would consider getting this thread moved to relationships, lots of good advice on there.
The thing about moving his car is passive aggressive crap & will not help

Original poster
OffOnABender · 09/09/2013 15:31

Ha Polly no he doesn't have a gold cock Grin

I know we have serious problems but I want him to realise that and change it. I don't just wanna walk away and it seems extreme to throw a good relationship apart rom this away. We've been together a long time, its scary to think of starting again

OP posts:
stowsettler · 09/09/2013 15:34

TBH it doesn't sound that good a relationship to me. And even if it is, he needs to realise you're not going to accept this behaviour - so you need to show him that and ask him to leave. If he's a keeper after all he'll have the shock of his life and move heaven and earth to be allowed back. If he's not a keeper he'll go straight back out on the lash.

MrsTerryPratchett · 09/09/2013 15:35

I was with mine for decades. It is hard. However, he won't change if he has no reason to. Kids = no reason for him. Your feelings = no reason for him. What will be a reason? Maybe bags packed and in the car will be.

It's not actually the drinking. It's the disregard for everyone else. You, his child, his Dad, his job and the safety of every person on the street when he's driving pissed. What a selfish person. i can't imagine this is the only way he is selfish...

quesadilla · 09/09/2013 15:35

Agree that it sounds likely he has not just been drinking. I think the heavy drinking regularly is just as bad, to be honest, especially if he is putting his income at risk regularly.

I would be bothered by the frequency, primarily, I think doing it once in a blue moon is ok but doing it regularly and without warning you in any way (and being defensive when you call him on it) are disrespectful.

You need to make it clear this has to change.

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