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Original poster

Why do men take so long to do a poo?

212 replies

FannyPriceless · 20/08/2011 10:50

Seriously, how does it take half an hour to do a poo?

How is it that I can be so much more efficient with my time? I think to myself - I need to do a poo. I go to the loo. I do it. I wipe my bum. I wash my hands. That's 5 minutes.

I asked him once - specifically asking if it was because he was reading. He said, 'No, that's just how long it takes.'

Really?

OP posts:
sportinguista · 20/08/2011 10:52

think it takes longer with age as well, at this rate DH will be in there for a week when he is 70, I just hope we have a downstairs loo by that time!

itisnearlysummer · 20/08/2011 10:59

Poor diets: less fibre, less fruit and veg, more processed crap.

That's it really!

Whatmeworry · 20/08/2011 11:00

Dunno - maybe their cocks get in the way? When I ask DH he says same reason women take so long to get ready to go out.

I have noticed it's got worse now he has an iPad though :)

(more seriously as its something just about every woman notices i think its probably physiological)

Anniegetyourgun · 20/08/2011 11:00

Because they read more slowly.

halcyondays · 20/08/2011 11:03

Dh seems to spend forever in the loo sometimes although he did admit once that he does linger for a while to read his book. If it really does take him half an hour he needs to have a bowl of prunes for his breakfast!

I wish I had the chance to spend half an hour on the loo during the day, a fight seems to break out downstairs every time I go to the loo.

Bunsouttheoven · 20/08/2011 11:03

Cos they are full of shitWink

LadyBeagleEyes · 20/08/2011 11:06

My ex used to do that, it drove me mad.
I don't think he could actually do a poo without something to read, he always had to have a magazine or newspaper even on holiday.

Original poster
FannyPriceless · 20/08/2011 11:06

Really?

We eat the same thing. We are nearly the same age.

Are men's bowels somehow different to ours? Prone to ageing and not able to digest and pass food as well as we can?

Is he actually just taking the opportunity to escape from the chaos of two kids and sit down for half an hour? Has he somehow trained his bowel to take longer than it needs to?Confused

OP posts:
Melly20MummyToPoppy · 20/08/2011 11:07

I wonder if they just sit there until they actually need to go.

DP has actually made us late by having a poo once. I was all ready to go and he goes off to the bathroom. When he realises we're late, he tried to blame me.

Not so long ago, he went up for a shower at 9pm. I hear the shower start. 35 minutes later the shower is still going so i go up to check he hasn't fallen and broke his neck. And there he is, sat on the bog, bone dry not having been in the shower yet.

And he wonders why i get so pissed off when the gas bill arrives.

Deesus · 20/08/2011 11:11

I feel your pain melly My DH is EXACTLY the same...

AKissIsNotAContract · 20/08/2011 11:13

My man takes a few minutes to do a poo, same as I do. Maybe your chap goes for a poo without actually having the urge then sits down and waits for one to come out? That's the only way I could imagine it takes that long.

tak1ngchances · 20/08/2011 11:13

...And then they wonder why they have piles Hmm

LordOfTheFlies · 20/08/2011 11:14

Cor, in my house it's the other way round.Good job we have 2 loos.
DH is in and out, no fuss,
DS is in and out like the SAS because he wants to get back to his X-Box.
DD tends to dream on the loo then spends half an hour with my automatic soap dispenser thingy.

I have Bog Books.(They are only read in the loo BTW before you say Ugh. Currant favourite is the Woman and Home 2009 Christmas mag)
I flippin well move in.
Though I am proud of my A1 vegetarian (and therefore highly efficient) bowels)Grin

Melly20MummyToPoppy · 20/08/2011 11:16

I'd love to be a man for a day, just to see what actually goes on in their heads, and why they have to take so damn long in the toilet!

TalesOfTheUnexpected · 20/08/2011 11:18

This was a pet hate of mine with my ex-h. Every morning he spent at least half an hour on the toilet. Every evening after work, straight up to the toilet - another half hour melly also with the shower running. Used to drive me insane.

He explained he wasn't actually "going for a poo", he was "going for a try".

In my opinion, you either need to shit, or you don't need to shit.

It brought a whole new meaning to the saying "either shit or get off the pot".

TheMagnificentBathykolpian · 20/08/2011 11:18

Does it come down to whether you push or not?

If you push, it comes out quickly, if you sit there it comes out in the end, but it takes bloody ages.

Maybe.

Perhaps we should have a poll Grin

"I'm a pusher and it's done in a couple of minutes." is probably more information than you need about your fellow mners and their partners though Grin

loueytb3 · 20/08/2011 11:19

Oh god DH is the same. He takes ages, and he doesn't even read so he hasn't got that excuse. He has this thing where he has to go before he leaves the house, even if he doesn't need to go. So it can take a while. When I ask him what the feck he is doing in there, he says he is contemplating his modules Hmm. Can't even blame escaping from the DCs as he was like it before we had them. Me - when I need a poo, I go in 5 mins and thats it. I don't have half an hour to piss about on the toilet!!!

JarethTheGoblinKing · 20/08/2011 11:22

I have a theory... is it something to do with pushing muscles?

LostInTheWoods · 20/08/2011 11:26

I agree Jareth - we have muscles strong enough to deliver a baby, men don't.

EvenLessNarkyPuffin · 20/08/2011 11:26

I wondered if it was to do with the prostate?

TrillianAstra · 20/08/2011 11:30

You say "why do men..?" then you say "We eat the same thing. We are nearly the same age."

I take it that you're not actually asking about men, you are asking about one particular man?

Plenty of men take only a reasonable amount of time to poo. Plenty of women take up reading material and take their time. If you find that you are too busy to take time to read while pooing and yet DH is not then maybe you should look into your domestic arrangements and make sure that DH is doing his share of the work that prevents you from pooing at your leisure.

SummerLeaps · 20/08/2011 11:31

Lord I have wondered about this too. DH has a 45 minute poo first thing in the morning then more often than not another 30 minute one or so mid-morning. It drives me fucking nuts, especially if the usual happens like this morning.... he poos and i am up, washed, dressed, baby given milk, baby bathed, baby given breakfast, load of washing on, load of other washing on line, me breakfast, dishwasher unloaded, dishwasher re-loaded, kitchen cleaned, breakfast room cleaned, high chair cleaned, started chopping potatoes for tonights' dinner, and some significant time on MN.

DH had ONE chore to do this morning... walk the dogs. He has just left now. Come 12 noon I swear I am pouring a big G&T.

FoxyRevenger · 20/08/2011 11:31

It's nothing physical, it's purely to escape for a while. And they don't feel the need to rush even though a child starts screaming/having a tantrum/removing shoes for 15th time the way we do. Bastards. Grin

Original poster
FannyPriceless · 20/08/2011 11:32

These theories are hilarious. Pushing muscles? Grin

Maybe we need one of those specialist doctors to come on here and explain if there really is a physiological difference. What are they called? (I can only think of my BIL's friend who describes himself as a willy doctor.Hmm)

Oh, I know, a urologist. Any MNer urologists out there?

OP posts:
honeymom · 20/08/2011 11:32

It's even worse when you go out for a family meal and he waits until you are just about ready to leave. Before declaring he is just going to nip to the loo leaving me to entertain 4 bored children !!

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