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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why do men take so long to do a poo?

212 replies

FannyPriceless · 20/08/2011 10:50

Seriously, how does it take half an hour to do a poo?

How is it that I can be so much more efficient with my time? I think to myself - I need to do a poo. I go to the loo. I do it. I wipe my bum. I wash my hands. That's 5 minutes.

I asked him once - specifically asking if it was because he was reading. He said, 'No, that's just how long it takes.'

Really?

OP posts:
SayCoolNowSayWolef · 20/08/2011 14:09

Yes - 3 poos. DH's bowels are a force to be reckoned with. Woe betide anyone who comes between him and a poo. And yes, often sits playing on his iPhone / reading. Once I got a text off him asking me to bring him some loo paper!

backwardpossom · 20/08/2011 14:12

Once I got a text off him asking me to bring him some loo paper! Grin

SchrodingersMew · 20/08/2011 14:13

My fecking ex used to sit in there for upto an hour! It drove me crazy. Yet again the excuse of "that's how long it takes". Angry

Current DP only takes about 5 minutes. but stinks the place out

Can't win! Hmm

lifechanger · 20/08/2011 14:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SchrodingersMew · 20/08/2011 14:18

Ipoo :o

seasidesister · 20/08/2011 14:19

My dh expects a drumroll and fanfare as he collects his paper on his way Hmm
Its a major event, not just a poo!

openerofjars · 20/08/2011 14:25

I am actually crying reading this. Not sure if it's because it's funny or because it's true.

2yo DS (not potty trained) asked where his Daddy was the other day. When I told him he was having a poo, he asked, "Again?".

CurlyBoy · 20/08/2011 14:26

Because it's good thinking time. I call it excremeditation!

kingbeat23 · 20/08/2011 14:39

I have just re-read my post and it looks like I can be on the toilet for days. Blush

I would like to state that I meant to put I can go for days without doing a poo as it puts me off my rhythm.

Grin
cantpooinpeace · 20/08/2011 14:46

MH DH spends half an hour on the loo playing his phone games!
Now when he says he's going to the loo I say
"are you going to the loo or going to sit and play on your phone for half an hour?" it infuriates me Angry.

Also he has a 'Saturday football clear out' where he spends most of the morning, pre footy, up and down the stairs having more poo's in minimum 20 min chunks.

So fucking unnecessary!

nickelbabe · 20/08/2011 14:47

technically, humans should have 3 poos a day.

It's because the eating motion causes the food that digesting in the stomach to move into the bowels, which causes them to be full, and therefore causing you to need to poo.

That means that we should all need to poo about 20 mins to half an hour after we have eaten a meal.

cantpooinpeace · 20/08/2011 14:55

I always say "one meal in, one meal out" :)

Also I always used to try and have a poo at work on a Sunday, it's time and two thirds so rude not to!

WhoWhoWhoWho · 20/08/2011 14:59

Oh this used to drive me mad with ex. He seemed to do it on purpose too right before we were due to go out for example. Hmm

I think they do it because they feel they don't have to rush, whereas we think of it as another chore in a long list and therefore don't faff about taking half an hour.

Sofabitch · 20/08/2011 15:02

I love pooing at work. It is really satisfying knowing you are being paid to poo. Blush

Cattleprod · 20/08/2011 15:03

Sunday mornings are the worst here. DP gets all nervous before playing cricket (God knows why, it's only village friendlies) and will probably do about 6 poos before he leaves at 1 o'clock. He'll eat nothing all day until the evening, and won't need to do another poo until tuesday.

He's a 'poo at work' guy too - figures it saves on toilet paper, gets him out of a few minutes working, and he gets paid for it!!

I did wonder if men take longer because of the lengthier clean up process. They must get more clags stuck on their hairy arsecracks, not like us less hirsute women where the stool slips out cleanly.

lifechanger · 20/08/2011 15:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Wabbit · 20/08/2011 15:06

DP reckons I take longer than him... it's true, but only because I take the kindle in with me and use the time to read without reproach Grin

Meglet · 20/08/2011 15:10

I do three a day Blush. If not more. IBS.

MumblingRagDoll · 20/08/2011 15:10

I do reckon it's because they go in BEFORE the poo is cooked and ready to come out. If I sat there before it was ready I'd be there hours! I wait till it's ready...off I pop...bingo!

RunningDay · 20/08/2011 15:12

Another one with a DH who finds reading matter essential and takes 30 mins. So I just asked him, and indeed, he does not push! I would never have guessed Hmm

SummerLeaps · 20/08/2011 15:27

I have just gone to find my DH and asked him;
'Sweetie, when you do a poo do you 'sit and ease' or 'strain and push'?'

He said 'Are you mumsnetting again?'

Grin

anyway, apparently it is a bit of both.

Oh, and it takes the time it takes.

girlywhirly · 20/08/2011 15:49

My DH is quick! Never more than 4 mins, but he doesn't take crossword/newspaper/book with him. However, he does often go twice in a morning! He has got in the car to go to work, got to the end of the road and had to come back again. Also have noticed that if we have to get to the airport or something like that he gets a bit anxious and it makes him want to go more often.

We have no problem fighting over the loo as we have two in our house.

Andrewofgg · 20/08/2011 17:25

That's our secret!

EricNorthmansMistressOfPotions · 20/08/2011 19:24

There was another of these threads recently and it transpired that a surprising number of men just sit there and wait for a poo to fall out. I cannot understand how boys develop different pooing habits to girls but it seems they do. Surely it's physiologically normal to feel you need a poo, crouch, push and leave? No other mammals sit there for hours waiting for a poo to fall out! That's why the sphincter has muscles!

Weirdos, the lot of them.

tallulah · 21/08/2011 10:07

We moved from a house with 3 toilets to a house with just one :( I am really noticing just how long DH spends shut up in the loo because he always nips up there when there is something to be done or I'm just going out and needing a wee. It drives me mad. He is never less than 30 mins.