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Original poster

Why do men take so long to do a poo?

212 replies

FannyPriceless · 20/08/2011 10:50

Seriously, how does it take half an hour to do a poo?

How is it that I can be so much more efficient with my time? I think to myself - I need to do a poo. I go to the loo. I do it. I wipe my bum. I wash my hands. That's 5 minutes.

I asked him once - specifically asking if it was because he was reading. He said, 'No, that's just how long it takes.'

Really?

OP posts:
GilbertBlytheWouldGetIt · 10/09/2014 17:11

Oddly enough, DS has been on his potty for the last 10 minutes.

I just asked him why he was taking so long, as he wasn't pooing.
The answer came, with an irritated look: "I'm just sitting on it."

FrenchJunebug · 10/09/2014 17:13

I am a woman and take ages to do a poo because I read in the loo. Quite common in France to read in the loo. Perhaps you DH is French?!

leedy · 10/09/2014 17:40

This thread is becoming more and more edifying. Perhaps I am really French!

Ratracerunner · 10/09/2014 17:48

They're not just poohing, they're playing golf and candy crush. And trying to avoid their children. Or perhaps that's just my husband!

Bumpsadaisie · 10/09/2014 17:55

I have a theory ...

Women sit both to wee and poo whereas men have to make a much more definite decision about which one they are going for.

I often need a wee and go to the loo only to find that a poo comes along too. It wasn't planned, it wasn't anticipated, but there it is.

My theory is that women poo little and often, when they are already sitting down for a week and also because they don't need to commit themselves to do a poo when they assume the sitting position it is all a bit less cognitive and it just happens easily.

Bumpsadaisie · 10/09/2014 17:55

week should read wee ....

AugustAngst · 10/09/2014 18:20

It's the only bit of peace they get, away from nagging DW?

Bunbaker · 10/09/2014 18:23

Why men only?

I have IBS and can take as long as a man (according to your theory). It isn't my fault and I would love not to have to get up ridiculously early to allow enough time in the bathroom before I go to work.

What a ridiculous post.

dingit · 10/09/2014 18:41

Oh and Dh will only poo on the bathroom loo, not the en suite, he says it's not as comfortable!

neiljames77 · 10/09/2014 18:56

I thought french toilets were "hole in the ground, stand and deliver? "
What could you be reading in there? The graffiti?
Grin

MsAnthropic · 10/09/2014 19:44

As a man I can categorically say that its for some me time. Sanctuary as others have said.
For you it may be, but I don't believe that's the case for all people who do this.

Like I said, ex used to do this while living on his own, and also used to have hour long baths when we lived together in absolute peace and quiet too, so disappearing for half an hour twice a day was not required at all - especially when they have an entire home to themselves with no-one else there. In his case, and the other people I know, it's usually because they've trained themselves NOT to go when the urge arises (he can't go anywhere else, so won't ever go at work or while out or when staying at other people's houses etc, he will wait till it's 5 days), so they do just have to go sit there and wait until it happens.

hormonalandneedingcheese · 10/09/2014 19:58

Reading? Wanking? Contemplating?

An indication of how some men may feel about the bathroom.

gellicleCat · 10/09/2014 19:59

my OH spends 30 minutes on the bog. 1 Minute dropping the depth charge
then 29 minutes on the phone to the coast guard.
I sometimes wait for interpol to arrive to arrest him for creating a shipping hazard

CrohnicallyPissedOff · 10/09/2014 21:41

dingit I tried weighing myself before and after, but I think my scales are a little inaccurate. I put a pound on.

Anyway, I was obviously born the wrong gender. Earlier, I was on the toilet for 20 minutes, and that was rushing because the toddler needed getting up from her nap. Crohn's has a lot to answer for. The thing is, because DH likes to play on his phone while he's on the toilet, he presumes I am doing the same. He conveniently forgets times like on holiday when I had to abandon breakfast and run back to our room, with no time to grab anything to do on the way. He finished breakfast, cleaned the baby, went to the shop, strolled across the complex to our room and still waited outside for 10 minutes before I had finished.

(Of course, I do usually play on my phone/MN/read/do a puzzle while I'm on the toilet. But that's because it takes me so long, I'd get bored otherwise! But I'm no quicker if I don't have entertainment)

alltoomuchrightnow · 10/09/2014 21:51

with DP and most of my exs…anal retention and liking reading in there . Grim, grim, grim. You should see the stack of mags in the loo here due to DP. Inhabited by several hairy spiders that run out when you are on the loo.
With my dad…due to diverticulitis
It was hell growing up (obviously not fun for him either though) as he always takes at least half an hour. At least. And has to go in with various magazines. I was so repelled it always makes me super fast.
Had to move back briefly with them last year and it's not got better. If dad needs to go, then you better get out that bathroom! he's in his 70s now. If i was in the bath i had to get out (fair enough , their house and not great for them having a grown up child return)

Pilgit · 10/09/2014 21:54

SaMe in this house. God only knows what he does in there. Although it does seem it's directly proportional to how much it is going to piss me off and/or cause inconvenience.

TheNumberfaker · 10/09/2014 23:00

I must be a man then, or French. I take forever and need to read/ do a puzzle/ browse the internet to get relaxed enough to poo. I couldn't just push!

kinkytoes · 11/09/2014 04:28

I have recently learnt how to poo with a toddler sitting on my lap. It was a case of having to really.

MsAnthropic · 11/09/2014 09:00

I couldn't just push!
But that's not what we/other people do! This is the bit that confuses me.

WitchWay · 11/09/2014 09:20

You don't really need to push if the poo is ready to come out. I go when the poo is imminent, all done in a couple of minutes without any straining at all.

I just don't get the idea of sitting on the loo for ages waiting for a poo to chug its way round the large intestine Confused because you want to be "regular" - if you're that bloody regular just go at the usual poo-imminent time Grin

DH spends ages & ages pooing, well over an hour sometimes, he takes his laptop in there ugh. He also completely takes off his trousers & pants and often shirt as well when pooing at home Hmm

glidingpig · 11/09/2014 09:39

When I was a kid I used to hold it for days on end (I suspect because my mum used to get cross if I needed the loo at an inconvenient time) and eventually it slowed my bum down. So it used to take me half an hour of sitting to coax the poo out and when I did it was usually huge enough to block the loo

I didn't really know how abnormal that was until I needed one at school aged about 7, went off, and was summoned back to the classroom twenty minutes later for the bollocking of my life for "messing around in the toilets". I was genuinely hurt and confused. I wasn't messing around, I was trying to have a shite...

I half suspect some of these guys are saving up the poo all day so they can enjoy it at home, which makes it take much longer when they do go.

(I have retrained my bum back into speedy pooing condition, btw!)

randycheeseburger · 11/09/2014 10:21

my husband goes 2 or 3 times a day, hes in there for half an hour at a time but hes just farting, drives me mad when we have things to do or places to be

Bunbaker · 11/09/2014 19:22

It sounds like he has a bowel problem randy.

ou aren't being very understanding.

Bunbaker · 11/09/2014 19:23

Where did the Y go?

PenelopeGarciasCrazyHair · 11/09/2014 19:39

My dp came out of the loo in a record time of around a minute yesterday. He said "that's how long it takes when my phone is out of charge".

Case closed!