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Original poster

Why do men take so long to do a poo?

212 replies

FannyPriceless · 20/08/2011 10:50

Seriously, how does it take half an hour to do a poo?

How is it that I can be so much more efficient with my time? I think to myself - I need to do a poo. I go to the loo. I do it. I wipe my bum. I wash my hands. That's 5 minutes.

I asked him once - specifically asking if it was because he was reading. He said, 'No, that's just how long it takes.'

Really?

OP posts:
TheCunnyFunt · 10/09/2014 13:33

Woah I remeber the first time this thread happened, I even posted on it in my old NN!!

It takes DP longer to poo than it took me to push a baby out!

gnushoes · 10/09/2014 13:49

a man's calgon moment???
Doesn't calgon descale washing machines? Might explain this whole thread, I suppose.

writtenguarantee · 10/09/2014 14:00

Doesn't calgon descale washing machines? Might explain this whole thread, I suppose.

maybe it's an american thing. when I was a child, there was this bath product with a commercial of a woman with a frantic scene of children, husband, work in the background, who desperately asks "calgon, take me away". The next scene has her relaxing in a nice bath.

There seems to be an abridged version on youtube (search: calgon take me away). I think it's still sold (but I don't know, I am not a bather). Obviously, I misjudged how obscure that reference is.

primarynoodle · 10/09/2014 14:18

I dont remember writing this op but you must have read my mind!

Bambambini · 10/09/2014 14:28

I think it's just because they can. Often when they need to go and kids are around - the wife or partner is there to look after the kids. Women are more often on their own with the kids so didn't have the luxury of along poo.

They also use it as an excuse for some me time, peace and quiet - even when there are no kids involved. It is their sanctuary.

externalwallinsulation · 10/09/2014 14:48

Because they are reading the news (esp the sport) on their phone while on the loo. (In my experience).

LEMmingaround · 10/09/2014 14:57

Has anyone asked why if men take so fucking long to do a poo. Why is it women take so long in the ladies??

IsChippyMintonExDirectory · 10/09/2014 15:03

Funnily enough I asked my DH the other day, he said that he 'doesn't force it, I just sit there and let the poo do all the work' Grin which is why it takes so long.

IsChippyMintonExDirectory · 10/09/2014 15:05

Why is it women take so long in the ladies??

YY I've often been in town centre toilets and shouted "are you OK?" after women are silent for a whole 10 minutes while ther's a queue. One woman told me she just wanted a sit down because the council removed all the benches and there was no where else to go Grin

AdamLambsbreath · 10/09/2014 15:08

Why do some women take so long in the ladies'?

If the people ahead of me are being fafftastic I make a point of doing a Grand Prix style 8-second pit stop, emerging to fix the queue with steely eye that says 'That's how it's done.'

Longdistance · 10/09/2014 15:12

My dh takes his iPad, or newspaper in the loo with him.

It's like a military operation. Not only that, he leaves a delightful fragrance of sewer when he's finished Hmm

He has to be told to open the window, and spray air freshener. He's only forty fucking two!!

dingit · 10/09/2014 15:12

Since I got a set of digital scales, dh likes to weigh his poo. That is weighing himself before and after, not putting steaming turds on the scale. He is particularly pleased if it's over 2lb. I did try to compete Blush, but just couldn't manage it, so it just proves he's full of shit.

IsChippyMintonExDirectory · 10/09/2014 15:24

dingit that is genius. At first I thought he poo'd on the scales

writtenguarantee · 10/09/2014 15:26

YY I've often been in town centre toilets and shouted "are you OK?" after women are silent for a whole 10 minutes while ther's a queue. One woman told me she just wanted a sit down because the council removed all the benches and there was no where else to go

HA HA! no man would ever do that. I think men are fast in the gent's because of the awful state they are in. I try to get my business done in one full breath.

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes · 10/09/2014 15:27

Veggie DH is fine, he gets the urge, goes and is out in a sensible timescale, same as me. DS1 non veggie/veggie DS2 are both sit for ages types, they always always come home and head straight to the loo, for approx half an hour, DH and I are both 'how does it take that long to use the loo' Confused

alsmutko · 10/09/2014 15:41

Hilarious thread.
DP is in there for 20-25 mins at a time.
I've always assumed he sits there until it happens. Whereas I wait until I need to go, then I go.
I can't understand why anyone would want to spend 25 mins sitting on a cold hard loo seat.

writtenguarantee · 10/09/2014 16:07

I can't understand why anyone would want to spend 25 mins sitting on a cold hard loo seat.

that's the genius of it. Nobody wants to sit on a cold seat in a smelly room. Hence me time.

cherrybombxo · 10/09/2014 16:15

AdamLambsbreath I do this too! It's a mad rush to pee and get myself sorted just to make a point. I can't stand people faffing in public toilets, I was waiting for almost ten minutes for a cubicle in Barcelona airport a couple of weeks ago. Although that wait was cheered up immensely by a child opening the cubicle door and her poor mother lunging to grab it with her pants around her ankles Grin

MsAnthropic · 10/09/2014 16:20

Funnily enough I asked my DH the other day, he said that he 'doesn't force it, I just sit there and let the poo do all the work' which is why it takes so long
Yes, people give that reason but I still don't get it. It's just so bizarre! Presumably none of them stand over the toilet for half an hour to "let their bladder do all the work", it's exactly the same thing. They all manage to go to the toilet to wee when they feel the urge (and it just happens, no forcing required) so why don't they do that for pooing like the rest of us.

What a ridiculous topic to care about Smile. Ex and I have been separated for years, but it's still irritating in retrospect! And I still think the "me time" or sanctuary argument is nonsense in many cases, he did it when he lived on his own too.

AdamLambsbreath · 10/09/2014 16:22

Good woman cherry. Keep up the good work!

minipie · 10/09/2014 16:39

Over 2lb of poo Shock Shock

I think it's probably down to

  1. lack of pushing muscles

  2. avoiding childcare

Certainly DH seems to take even longer since we had DD Hmm

Notmymonkeys · 10/09/2014 16:44

I have weighed myself before and after a poo. Dropped about a pound. It only took a couple of minutes to get it out though.

Dp vanishes multiple times a day for at least twenty minutes. He said he likes to wait in case a bit more comes out. I suggested he should perhaps see a doctor and he then admitted he mainly goes there to read.

I have tried to do the same, but once the poo's out it gets a bit uncomfortable just sitting there.

SnoogyWoo · 10/09/2014 16:48

As a man I can categorically say that its for some me time. Sanctuary as others have said.

aquashiv · 10/09/2014 16:50

Angry Birds?

MyGastIsFlabbered · 10/09/2014 17:01

DH does this, I have no idea what he's doing in there, it drives me nuts Confused