Why do men take so long to do a poo?

[FannyPriceless]

Seriously, how does it take half an hour to do a poo?

How is it that I can be so much more efficient with my time? I think to myself - I need to do a poo. I go to the loo. I do it. I wipe my bum. I wash my hands. That's 5 minutes.

I asked him once - specifically asking if it was because he was reading. He said, 'No, that's just how long it takes.'

Really?

Also, why do they leave skids in the loo and never bleach afterwards?

Or is it just my DP?

It turns them on.

My DH seems to time his poos and often disappears when something needs doing, such as bathing the children. He's then gone for about 20 minutes.

I don't understand it - if he needs to go so badly he can't wait until after the girls have been bathed then it should only take him a few minutes. If he needs to spend 20 minutes waiting for it to fall out of his bum then surely he can wait until after their bathtime?

I call it procrastination pooing.

Ok, maybe this is a Dead Thread. But for the love of god I can't believe it went on for so long.
How has it never dawned on any of you why men take so long in the bathroom ?
It's all about peace. Downtime. A little respite from... well you lot.
Wives, Children and the damned family pet.
Hell even that 3 inch piece of wood that separates the Bathroom from the rest of the home is no barrier from constant harassment.
I can't defecate without being called upon in some fashion.
All to often I find myself with my head in my hands wondering if, once again, I have to let cry I AM ON THE TOILET ! or if I just ignore them the beckoning will stop.
Ladies please....
Just let us have our "Me Time"

I understand that this is usually a male thing but tbh I always take ages in the bathroom! In my defence I do suffer with ibs though, not terribly buy enough to make a difference. I always feel better after it though and I'd rather be that way then go for days without needing to go like when I was pregnant with ds2! I felt crap then! Plus being in the bathroom is the only time I get to myself so I bloody well take my time and enjoy it!

They don't push. They kind of just wait for it to go. Weird!

@ RobbStarksBitch well it's not just a bloke thing then :)
@itsbetterthanabox I was brought up to believe pushing was bad. piles awaited those that pushed !

Men poop for long periods of time for the same reason women shower for long periods of time. It's just women come out smelling prettier after they've had their alone time.

Honestly, I don't see the point in reading while pooping. It smells. Why sit in a stinky room? There's plenty of other ways to procrastinate aren't there?

navcrowds thanks for the wonderfully patronising post that appears to show that you never made the slightest attempt to RTFT...

Did it ever cross your mind that no one objects to males having personal time, just as long as a) their partners get to have equal "time off" and b) it doesn't occur at times when both parents are needed eg DC bathtimes? Hmm? Snowflake?

Oh please navcrowds! Try being a new Mum with a cluster feeding baby and wishing you could sit on the loo for five minutes.

Even now, I only have to shut the toilet door and DS is knocking asking where did he put something, or he thinks someone is at the door but he didn't check, and our foster cat is meowing at the door because she likes to stare at me and doesn't appreciate being shut out.

pushing is fine straining when constipated is what can cause piles. You have muscles use them! Women all do.
Why is it only men get to 'escape' from family life to the bathroom? But women just have to suck it up and look after the kids?

I thought it was only my DH that took half an hour.

He decides to go rather than needs to go which I find odd.

Weirdly I was discussing this very issue with my OH before seeing this. He gets up everyday extra early so he has time for a leisurely poo.
How does it take half hour? What is going on in there?
The main issue for me is frequency- every day sometimes he poos twice a day- is this the norm- I poo once/twice a week am I the odd one

They piss about for at least 20 minutes on a gadget or reading. My Dad used to sit on the toilet for an hour. ONE HOUR. Drove me to insanity. Because he wasn't just shitting, he was reading his damn newspaper. He'd ask everyone before he was going if they needed the toilet, we all knew that was signal for "go now because you won't get the opportunity to for another hour." Ridiculous.

DH does it now sat watching YouTube videos. It does remind me of the movie this is 40 though where he confesses he sits on the toilet to escape the craziness. I bet that's why.

It must be something boys grow out of. My ds 18 month pushes, you can see it on his face when he's going, bless him.

This thread clearly demonstrates why it's women who give birth. Imagine how long labour would take if men did it!

I love this thread! I ask my dh this regularly - he has no comeback.

It really is mostly just getting a bit of peace and gathering our thoughts. It's a sacred time of day.

Where else can you sit with your iPad/book and a cup of tea and know you won't be interrupted?

We're not ashamed of this time and I don't think any man has ever claimed his poos were "pink and fluffy".

The g-spot thing is obviously a bonus.

Bunsouttheoven

is he actually just taking the opportunity to escape from the chaos of two kids and sit down for half an hour yes. That is exactly it. Same with the 35 minute shower while you've got yourself and two kids dressed and ready to go out and unloaded, reloaded the dishwasher and folded a pile of laundry and put tonight's dinner in the slow cooker

The only time I have taken a while to poo is when so hungover that getting to the toilet nearly killed me. Never mind straining and bursting a blood vessel in my poor drink poisoned brain and contemplating the return journey.

I'm of the opinion they enjoy the process of pooing. They are all anal

Try living with one that has to have 3 separate goes before he can leave the house & if he can't squeeze out that last one then we won't hear the end of it until he does.

This used to drive me INSANE before we had a second loo put in.

We both go at the same time in the morning, and if DH got there first I'd be left pacing the hallway muttering aggrieved curses on male toilet habits.

I don't 'rush' loo visits, I just hear the call of nature and then I go. Simple. If you don't do it straight away, you don't need one.

One word....masturbation.

DP takes up to an hour sometimes.....until one day we were at SIL's house and his phone was dead and he was in and out the loo in less than 5 mins! Now I wait for 5 mins then switch the wifi on and off to disconnect him and he comes straight out once he's done

red pony awesome