Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why do men take so long to do a poo?

212 replies

FannyPriceless · 20/08/2011 10:50

Seriously, how does it take half an hour to do a poo?

How is it that I can be so much more efficient with my time? I think to myself - I need to do a poo. I go to the loo. I do it. I wipe my bum. I wash my hands. That's 5 minutes.

I asked him once - specifically asking if it was because he was reading. He said, 'No, that's just how long it takes.'

Really?

OP posts:
SummerLeaps · 20/08/2011 11:34

I have theorised about pushing muscles too. I sometimes tell him (as he is quite competitive) that clearly i have 'much better sphincter control' than he does.

smugmumofboys · 20/08/2011 11:39

I've just asked Dh, who takes ages to poo.

His answer: 'I can read a book or magazine'. Hmm

MoreCrackThanHarlem · 20/08/2011 11:42

I go to the toilet for a poo when I actually need to, once I feel it is erm, ready to appear.

DH goes at set times, whether he's ready or not, then sits there reading his paper until he can squeeze one out. Grim.

MoreCrackThanHarlem · 20/08/2011 11:45

To add, a child in my class once excused themselves for lateness with the classic 'my dad was having a poo' Grin

MightyQuim · 20/08/2011 11:51

I always assumed it's because they have a g-spot up there so enjoy it and make it last Grin The diet theory rings true though men tend to eat more meat and stuff ime.

itisnearlysummer · 20/08/2011 12:12

Well I just know that when my DH is only eating what I've cooked/prepared at home he never has any issues but that when he's been on his own or whatever, it does make a difference.

I also have um highly efficient bowels but a week of camping and not always eating the right stuff plays havoc with all of us.

DH's do eat the same as us at home but when they're out it's all subways, crisps and shit!

itisnearlysummer · 20/08/2011 12:13

I would say not actual shit, but I'm not always convinced of that (burgers, sausages....) urgh!

AKissIsNotAContract · 20/08/2011 13:12

I don't understand why anyone would want to read a book with their cold arse perched over a toilet bowl.

MightyQuim · 20/08/2011 13:24

I have just asked dh and he says he spends a long time because he considers it me time! So it seems that the male version of having a long soak in a fragrant bath is sitting in your own bumcloud reading/messing on their phone!

DonaldMcronald · 20/08/2011 13:31

I enjoy a good poo and will not be rushed

sometimes I sit on the pot untill my legs go numb

titan · 20/08/2011 13:31

I think the G spot thing is correct. I'm sure I once read that it stimulates their prostate so they find it a pleasurable experience!

Original poster
FannyPriceless · 20/08/2011 13:35

MQ - I think you might be on to something there! The male equivalent of a long soak in a fragrant bath!Grin

Actually, somehting has just dawned on me. It particularly annoyed me this morning for a reason - it was extra long today possibly because MrP got a new iPad yesterday.... Hmm

OP posts:
Tinkerisdead · 20/08/2011 13:35

My mum and I had exactly this discussion with dh and my stepdad. We need to poo, go in, come out. They disappear forever when they go. They both said they feel a vague rumbling and go and 'have a try'.

Have a try??! I mean surely you know if you want to poo or not. And if you don't, wait til you do. They both sit there gurning and straining hoping for something. Even now my dh is unpacking shopping and calls out 'I really could do with a poo.' wtf? Either you need to go, in which case leave the shopping, or you don't! He's now washing up some bits so a poo is not imminent. He obviously feels there is a quota to fulfill.

TheMagnificentBathykolpian · 20/08/2011 13:38

My husband just asked me "What's the topic of conversation?"

I said "Why does it take men so long to have a shit"

He said "Because we're full of it"

Grin

At least he's honest.

EndoplasmicReticulum · 20/08/2011 13:43

Mine uses it for reading time. Half an hour in the morning, then another half an hour after lunch, then half an hour at bathtime. When I suggest he may have a medical problem on the third trip he says "ah, but I didn't actually go the previous two times".

EndoplasmicReticulum · 20/08/2011 13:44

He's inherited this skill from his Dad, who apparently saves up poos for work so that he is using their time and not his.

paulapantsdown · 20/08/2011 13:48

I think having a shit is actually my DH's main hobby.

lucyspangle · 20/08/2011 13:57

Is it some primitive reflex inhibiting thing -they are too scared to relax in case they have to spring up and kill a bear or sabre toothed tiger.

Whatever it is it's bloody annoying .... I often think mr spangle has gone out the car in the drive is a giveaway that he has not and is actually having a mega loo session.

UmBongo · 20/08/2011 13:57

Does anybody elses dh come out after a poo with a very satisfied expression wanting congratulations and possibly a gold star?

Original poster
FannyPriceless · 20/08/2011 13:59

"saves up poos for work so that he is using their time and not his" Shock

Whereas I find the prospect of having to do it at work quite hideous. I imagine that everyone knows.

OP posts:
backwardpossom · 20/08/2011 13:59

When I was potty training DS, he hated pooing on the potty and would hold it in so that he could do it in his nappy at night and it was making him constipated. I asked the HV about it and she told me that males find it more difficult to poo and I jokingly said "oh is that why DH takes 15 mins and I take 15 seconds?" and she said yes. So who knows?

Original poster
FannyPriceless · 20/08/2011 14:05

Is it just that men are less ashamed of the poo function so have no need to hide the fact that they doing a poo (or trying to)? We rush through it in an attempt to conceal the fact that we actually do shit sometimes?

umbongo My DD insisted on looking in the loo once and said 'Well done Mummy!'. Blush In our house it's two stars for a poo!

OP posts:
SayCoolNowSayWolef · 20/08/2011 14:06

My DH has poos at specific times. Always pre-shower in the mornings, after lunch and at half past 5. Without fail. Which is bloody annoying as I never get help with DD when he gets home from work as he's straight off to have a poo.

And often I get a rundown of the experience once it's complete.

kingbeat23 · 20/08/2011 14:07

I take my time and don't like to be disturbed or it puts me off. I can go for days sometimes as I can be of my rhythm. By the end of it I feel so backed up and full it's horrible. I play Sudoku to take my mind off it. I can be in there for 5 mins or 30 mins....if i don't do anything and have started a game of Sudoku, I have to finish it. I guess that's why they call it anal retentive! :)

I am a woman btw!

backwardpossom · 20/08/2011 14:07

3 poops a day?!