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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Had a date today AIBU?

184 replies

DrPolidori · 07/08/2011 20:57

had a date, lovely day, really liked him. Really fancied him...had some quite steamy snogs...

Anyway. Got home, found I had a message from an old friend on the same site found date in saying, hey good to see you, fancy a drink some time?

To which I said yeah! Would be nice to catch up and have a chuckle about bumping into each other on a dating site.

Have just talked to today's date who has reacted really weirdly, saying, you are going on a date with another man.....Can't believe it etc ...after our lovely afternoon etc. In which we had agreed to just date each other for a bit.

AIBU to think this is a complete overreaction and rings massive alarm bells?

Or does he have a point?

Very interested in your views.

OP posts:
festi · 07/08/2011 20:59

YANBU, dont put all your eggs in one basket Wink

LauraIngallsWilder · 07/08/2011 21:00

Why did you telll your date you were going out for a chat with a male friend?
I wouldnt have bothered to tell him, given that you have only seen him once

audreyroberts · 07/08/2011 21:01

Um - well a difficult one - strange that you you told date number 1. I would think it rather unecessary (and insenitive)to tell someone you have only been out with once about all your movements. Although now youy have told him I dont like the sound of his reaction.

MrsCampbellBlack · 07/08/2011 21:02

Not sure - sounds like he thinks its a date when you'd agreed not do see other people.

Guess the easiest thing is reverse the situation and how would you feel if he said the same to you re. a female friend?

TrillianAstra · 07/08/2011 21:02

If you went on a date with a man

thought he was lovely, had a good time, snogged

and then he made a point of telling you that he was going to see another woman

wouldn't you think he was playing games?

Original poster
DrPolidori · 07/08/2011 21:03

I told him because I had actually gone online to take my profile off, and saw the message. So I didn't want date today to think I was still fishing.

OP posts:
lilmissminx · 07/08/2011 21:03

He's an old friend. If the date is already trying to chuck his weight around, it would raise concerns for me. Did you say going for drink with old friend, or going on a date?
I don't think you needed to tell him, yet anyway, for what it's worth. Alittle bit Hmm about his reaction tho

Original poster
DrPolidori · 07/08/2011 21:03

You see, I just didn't think of old friend in terms of date...

OP posts:
LineRunner · 07/08/2011 21:04

Depends what you told the man you went out with today, and what he is reacting to, I suppose. He may have heard, 'I'm going out with another man from the dating site, whom I already know'.

Original poster
DrPolidori · 07/08/2011 21:07

God I am all confused now. Really just thought it was an innocent explanation for why my profile was still up. But even though I insisted it would not be a date, he just said, well, he's on a dating site. He wants a date with you. And you have agreed.

He says he is disappointed.

OP posts:
create · 07/08/2011 21:08

You might not think of the old friend as a date, but you met him again on a dating site.I suspect both men see it as a date.

MrsCampbellBlack · 07/08/2011 21:09

Hmm, he does sound a little bit odd but I'd give him the benefit - go on the next date and see how that goes.

Original poster
DrPolidori · 07/08/2011 21:10

Ah. so I am being a bit naive then.

OP posts:
HedleyLamarr · 07/08/2011 21:14

"Have just talked to today's date who has reacted really weirdly, saying, you are going on a date with another man.....Can't believe it etc ...after our lovely afternoon etc. In which we had agreed to just date each other for a bit."

Re-read this bit of your post, especially the last line. Personally I think YANBU for having a drink with t'other chap, but I can see how No1 could see it differently.

JustFiveMinutesHAHAHA · 07/08/2011 21:16

I can see it from both sides. To you it's not 'A Date' but this guy has just had a lovely afternoon with you, you have agreed to date exclusively and next thing he hears is that you have made plans with another bloke on the same site (he's not hearing 'old friend for a drink') - and tbh even if he was, finding out straight after a lovely date with you, I'd say he has every right to be a bit upset and it doesn't mean he's controlling - just a bit upset that you are 'seeing someone else' when you agreed not to.

How sure are you that this 'old friend' is not a possible 'date'? If you are totally sure there couldn't be anything in it for you then you need to tell MrToday that - be very clear.

Claw3 · 07/08/2011 21:16

You had gone on the dating site to remove your profile, after a date with man number 1, so i assume you had both agreed not to date other people hence removing your profile?

DogsBestFriend · 07/08/2011 21:19

He sounds odd to me. My best friend is male - if anyone was offish about me going out with him for lunch/meal/whatever when I'd made it clear that he's no more than a friend I'd be both peed off and concerned about the 'real' date's behaviour.

Original poster
DrPolidori · 07/08/2011 21:19

I DID tell him. He just thought I was playing games. Oh. bugger. what do I do now? Couldn't care less if I never saw old friend again, but on the other hand, I would like my word to be accepted.

What should I do? I really like him.

OP posts:
Original poster
DrPolidori · 07/08/2011 21:20

Yes claw, as far I was concerned I really like him, don't want to chat or see anyone else until I see where this goes. The old mate thing seemed outside of that. But clearly I have got that wrong.

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 07/08/2011 21:25

So only a few hours after agreeing to date someone exclusively, you tell him that you are going out with someone who you met on the dating site.

What do you expect him to think?

Original poster
DrPolidori · 07/08/2011 21:27

squeaky, what part of old friend from years ago whom I had lost contact with did you miss?

OP posts:
TrillianAstra · 07/08/2011 21:32

Someone who knows you should be expected to trust you and to understand that you are not playing games or trying to make them jealous.

Someone who doesn't yet know you (as this guy doesn't) - maybe they're not sure yet.

nakedandangry · 07/08/2011 21:38

I seriously don't understand the posts you've received here Op.

People,, if she'd bumped into the old pal in the street would that be ok? And ok if date-man was all huffy?

OP I would arrange one more date just in case he isn't a posessive loon and I wouldn't be explaining away the friend meet up.

TrillianAstra · 07/08/2011 21:41

It's not that he is right to be huffy so much as it is understandable that he could have got the wrong end of the stick.

See it the other way around...

I had a date today with a guy I met online, it was great, we snogged, we agreed not to see anyone else. Then he told me that he'd just gone online to remove his profile and had a message from a woman he used to know and they were going to meet up. AIBU to think that he's not that keen on me and doesn't really want to be exclusive?

Original poster
DrPolidori · 07/08/2011 21:43

but AIBU to expect him to listen to me when I say, oh no, its just an old mate and for him to keep on insisting it was a date?

OP posts: