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AIBU?

Had a date today AIBU?

184 replies

DrPolidori · 07/08/2011 20:57

had a date, lovely day, really liked him. Really fancied him...had some quite steamy snogs...

Anyway. Got home, found I had a message from an old friend on the same site found date in saying, hey good to see you, fancy a drink some time?

To which I said yeah! Would be nice to catch up and have a chuckle about bumping into each other on a dating site.

Have just talked to today's date who has reacted really weirdly, saying, you are going on a date with another man.....Can't believe it etc ...after our lovely afternoon etc. In which we had agreed to just date each other for a bit.

AIBU to think this is a complete overreaction and rings massive alarm bells?

Or does he have a point?

Very interested in your views.

OP posts:

Report

scottishmummy · 07/08/2011 21:45

i do understand your date being bit put out
you want to be jiggy with both.your date perhaps thought it was a exclusive see each other arrangement. but you can date or sleep with however many you wish -just as long as you accept today date can too

DrPolidori · 07/08/2011 21:47

SM, I don't want to get jiggy with old mate! Just thought it would be nice to catch up, hear about his kids, reminisce a bit about old times.

I DONT want to do anything else! ANd I wish date 1 would get that.

OP posts:

FabbyChic · 07/08/2011 21:47

If you find an old mate of the opposite sex on a dating site and arrange to meet them it is a date, no wonder he is miffed when only this afternoon you told him you would only date him, now you have arranged to see someone else.

Sorry I can totally understand where he is coming from.

create · 07/08/2011 21:47

DrP, how would you feel if he said well, I did meet her on a dating site, so she's obviously loking for a date, but really we're just old friends? When you don't know him well enough to have an opinion on whether he's to be trusted?

DrPolidori · 07/08/2011 21:48

So If I bumped into him in a pub it would be ok? its just the venue that makes it odd?

OP posts:

create · 07/08/2011 21:51

Yes I think if you bumped into him in the pub/street it would be different. Timing would still be rubbish and I'd expect today's date to wonder (wouldn't you?) but I really do think the old friend probably thinks this is a date and MrToday will be feeling insecure.

DrPolidori · 07/08/2011 21:52

Oh bugger. How do I retrieve it?

OP posts:

LostMyIdentityAlongTheWay · 07/08/2011 21:53

what hav eyou done about it, OP? I think I have to go with seeing it from the new potential guy's point of view, I really do. OK, he might end up being a bit 'weird' etc, but at this stage, I am not sure, going on what you've said, that it's NU to expect you NOT to have gone and made arrangement to meet up with somebody - regardless of the circumstances.

Hope it works out well for you!!

RabbitPie · 07/08/2011 21:55

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create · 07/08/2011 21:56

If it's really just about catching up, maybe today's date could come too? If you suggest that to old friend you'd find out how he sees it!

Or if you apologise to today's man and say you now understand why he reacted how he did, would he like to come along, would that make him feel better?

DrPolidori · 07/08/2011 22:00

I am bit with rabbit on this. We had a lovely day. I said we were going to be exclusive, I told him about old mate because I thought it was kind of funny and was already in the zone where you tell each other everything.

I sort of feel like my honesty has got thrown back in my face, and that I am some kind of slapper.

OP posts:

DrPolidori · 07/08/2011 22:00

well obviously, I dont feel like a slapper, but he is kind of making me feel like one.

OP posts:

LostMyIdentityAlongTheWay · 07/08/2011 22:01

Rabbit, scroll back and read TrilianAstra's comment. Don't you think that's a valid point? Maybe at this stage the OP doesn't have enough to go on - I agree, it MIGHT be the case that he's going to be possessive etc, but maybe he just had a bit of a surprise after a lovely day of steamy snogs, hearing that the woman involved will now also be seeing somebody else?

It's a tricky one but I wouldn't want to hit reject just yet?...

DrPolidori · 07/08/2011 22:02

that's my dilemma, I don't want t knee jerk say bugger off, but just as he is feeling insecure about what I said, I am now feeling insecure about what HE said.

Ugh!

OP posts:

LostMyIdentityAlongTheWay · 07/08/2011 22:04

LOL@OP. Look - why don't you grab the bull by the horns, ring him and say 'this is bonkers. I think this looks like x,y and z, and it SHOULD be looking like .....' See what he says and take it from there. You've got nothing to lose.

Well. APart from a top notch shag down the line, but..... no really - he's not a mind reader. Neither are you. At this stage, I don't think there's any face to be lost if you just try to be honest with him - and tell him so as well!

I really do wish you good luck. What a pickle!

DrPolidori · 07/08/2011 22:09

That is good advice. Although I though I had done that.

He is also Italian.

Oh dear.

OP posts:

DrPolidori · 07/08/2011 22:12

but the thing that got me a bit freaked was when he said, and you have made a date with him. I said no, he just messaged me. And he refused to believe I had not made a date.

That kind of freaks me out. When someone downright refuses to beiieve you.

OP posts:

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 07/08/2011 22:17

YABU to agree to exclusively date a guy that you've only met for a few hours no matter much you fancied him he might be totally useless in the sack.

YABU if you can't see that telling Mr Snoggable that you'd been contacted by an old mate through the dating site may, to him, have transformed a meeting to catch up since you last saw each other into a hot date with another bloke.

It's also entirely possible that the fact that you engaged in heavy snogging with him after such short acquaintance has given Mr Snoggable the impression that this is the way you always behave when you go on a date.

Understandably, Mr Snoggable may now be of the opinion that you are not entirely trustworthy.

Of couse, the irony may be that Mr Snoggable is a leg-over merchant who's found that early mention of 'exclusivity' brings quick rewards.

Frankly, I can't understand why you found it necessary to tell him about your old mate at this particular point in time.

RabbitPie · 07/08/2011 22:18

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corriefan · 07/08/2011 22:19

I reckon old friend definitely regards it as a date, especially considering he found you on a dating website. I doubt he would have invited you for a drink if you'd been married.

LostMyIdentityAlongTheWay · 07/08/2011 22:19

OK, so OP, you're really in the shit now. If his mamma finds out, you're history!!
Can you text him tomorrow and ask him to meet up for a date later this week and see what he says?

RabbitPie · 07/08/2011 22:20

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honeyandsalt · 07/08/2011 22:20

Not enough info to really judge, it depends how you worded it. If you told him everything you've told us i.e. I bumped into an old friend on the dating site we had a good bubble bath about it and we're going to meet for a catch-up he is BU. Even if I hadn't told him it this way yet, I'd emphasise that you were simply meeting an old friend for a catch-up not a date (and you both saw it that way).

If he doesn't accept your explanation, then I'm afraid it's major warning bells. There is no way a partner should be controlling who you can and cannot see and if you accept his control at this stage in your relationship you are setting yourself up for a hugely negative pattern of behaviour (check out emotional abuse on google or the relationships thread).

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 07/08/2011 22:21

Italian, eh?

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 07/08/2011 22:23

we had a good bubble bath

If the op tells Mr Snoggabellini that she's going to be sleeping with the fishes honey

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