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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Had a date today AIBU?

184 replies

DrPolidori · 07/08/2011 20:57

had a date, lovely day, really liked him. Really fancied him...had some quite steamy snogs...

Anyway. Got home, found I had a message from an old friend on the same site found date in saying, hey good to see you, fancy a drink some time?

To which I said yeah! Would be nice to catch up and have a chuckle about bumping into each other on a dating site.

Have just talked to today's date who has reacted really weirdly, saying, you are going on a date with another man.....Can't believe it etc ...after our lovely afternoon etc. In which we had agreed to just date each other for a bit.

AIBU to think this is a complete overreaction and rings massive alarm bells?

Or does he have a point?

Very interested in your views.

OP posts:
izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 07/08/2011 22:23

we had a good bubble bath

If the op tells Mr Snoggabellini that she's going to be sleeping with the fishes honey Grin

Original poster
DrPolidori · 07/08/2011 22:24

Blimey. Do people not tell each other things nowadays? the steamy snogging all took place in public, so not that steamy iyswim.

I just don't get why anyone would make such a bloody meal of a casual, oh, by the way, this funny thing happened when I got home, I'm telling you in case you think I am still online looking to talk to people/

Beleive me, I do not agree to exclusivity at the drop of a hat.

Simply just so fancied the pants off him I couldn't even begin to imagine another person.

All I was saying was, for the meantime, until we have another date, of course I won't be arranging dates with other men. THIS WAS NOT A BLOODY DATE! Are men really that stupid?

OP posts:
izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 07/08/2011 22:25

In a word, YES.

nojustificationneeded · 07/08/2011 22:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

honeyandsalt · 07/08/2011 22:25

Haha izzy - aye you're right!

Inviting him along to your meet-up sounds like a recipe for awkward to me.

Original poster
DrPolidori · 07/08/2011 22:26

ladies, you have made me laugh. It just seems all a bit, over the top.

OP posts:
izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 07/08/2011 22:26

And some have extremely fragile egos.

RabbitPie · 07/08/2011 22:29

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
DrPolidori · 07/08/2011 22:31

oh yes, the bringing date 1 along for meet up, how bloody weird would that be?

Hallo, X, aint see you in yonks, btw this XXXX, a bloke i have dated ONCE who thinks you must in it for a shag. OK if he tags along? Just to prove you aint?

Oh, the humiliation!

OP posts:
TrillianAstra · 07/08/2011 22:31

Are men really that stupid?

No more and no less than women.

LostMyIdentityAlongTheWay · 07/08/2011 22:31

Of course, you could just meet up with him, get your leg over and complain that you thought Italians were meant to be amazing lovers, so what the hell was THAT???

No. That would be childish, unkind and WAY too much like a good laugh too inappropriate for words

Honestly. I can't even believe you THOUGHT that!

honeyandsalt · 07/08/2011 22:33

omg it would be just DIRE. I remember the night I met my DH a guy I had once had a thing with was in the group.... oh it was beyond awkward.

I agree, it's totally OTT!

imho if you act the submissive "oh well you don't want me to meet up with my old friend ok then" female now, that's the pattern you set for your future relationship.

I guess cultural difference plays a large role in this epic misunderstanding but I'm not really sure what to suggest about that....

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 07/08/2011 22:34

You've got to keep a sense of humour in the dating game Dr, especially when it's early doors days.

I couldn't even begin to imagine another person Try hard.

You're not trying - HARDER. Think your fave beefcake or whoever floats your boat as long as it's not Mr Snoggabellini. See, he's not the only one.

I don't like the sound of that needed Watch out Dr, could be that Italian is still looking for a North West passage or he could be trying further south by now.

Original poster
DrPolidori · 07/08/2011 22:38

let's rephrase that, today I couldn't imagine another person (I'm not that much of a slapper) and was keen to keep, ah, investigating the possiblilities.

I think further southerly exploration is a dim and distant dream now...

Oh, sod him. I'm a bloody great catch. I cannot be doing with this nonsense.

You either believe the best in folk till they prove otherwise or you don't. And there is something wildly 50s about the idea that I cannot be trusted in the company of a man who way/may not have dishonourable intentions.

OP posts:
Original poster
DrPolidori · 07/08/2011 22:41

And yes trillis, I know. I could have said people. But I have been provoked beyond measure today.

OP posts:
honeyandsalt · 07/08/2011 22:41

Exactly!

create · 07/08/2011 23:08

Sorry you don't like my suggestion DrP, was only trying to help. I just thought that if it's really just a chance catch up with an old friend, it wouldn't matter if someone else happened to be there too. Was a test Wink but if you're not comfortable with it all then definitely don't do it

Whatmeworry · 07/08/2011 23:14

squeaky, what part of old friend from years ago whom I had lost contact with did you miss?

It's not squeaky you have to have that out with OP.... time to get grovelling :)

Original poster
DrPolidori · 07/08/2011 23:16

No . I am not going to grovel to a man who calls me a liiar.

He is entitled to feel all he does, for whatever reason, but not to downright refuse to believe me.

No way.

OP posts:
birdofthenorth · 07/08/2011 23:27

How would you feel if Date 1 had told you he was about to see someone else after you'd had a nice day together?

Original poster
DrPolidori · 07/08/2011 23:28

look, planning a date with someone new on a site, and bumping into an old mate are Very Different Things.

OP posts:
Original poster
DrPolidori · 07/08/2011 23:30

And fwiw, I have lots of friends who are both men and women, I can't imagine any circumstances in which I should let my partner dictate who I meet up with or not.

Just as I could never imagine dictating to my partner who they see as friends.

OP posts:
Whatmeworry · 07/08/2011 23:32

Blimey OP - from " oh noes what have I done" to "sod him, the insensitive abusive controlling bastard" in only 3 pages - that's impressive even by MN standards :o

Way I see it is you messed up and now you're sitting on your high horse because he can't see into your head things your way and you're too proud to apologise.

Original poster
DrPolidori · 07/08/2011 23:33

'Tis the power of MN. A good slapping from sensible girls has cut through my fuggy fog of desire and wish to be loved.....

OP posts:
solidgoldbrass · 07/08/2011 23:33

Tell the new bloke to sod off as he is obviously a whinyarse and probably controlling. ANd next time FFS don't talk about exclusivity on the first date. Don't do exclusivity for a good few months anyway. You're not that desperate that every man who buys you a drink has to be Your Boyfriend, are you?