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AIBU?

Had a date today AIBU?

184 replies

DrPolidori · 07/08/2011 20:57

had a date, lovely day, really liked him. Really fancied him...had some quite steamy snogs...

Anyway. Got home, found I had a message from an old friend on the same site found date in saying, hey good to see you, fancy a drink some time?

To which I said yeah! Would be nice to catch up and have a chuckle about bumping into each other on a dating site.

Have just talked to today's date who has reacted really weirdly, saying, you are going on a date with another man.....Can't believe it etc ...after our lovely afternoon etc. In which we had agreed to just date each other for a bit.

AIBU to think this is a complete overreaction and rings massive alarm bells?

Or does he have a point?

Very interested in your views.

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Thruaglassdarkly · 08/08/2011 01:27

YABU to have even mentioned this to your date today. You don't have to explain everything away the second you meet someone. YOU know it's not a date with the old friend but how do you expect this new man to trust you after only one date??? Trust grows with time - you can't expect it straight away. If I were him, I'd be running a mile, thinking you didn't know what you wanted and were hedging your bets. Sorry, but I think you might have blown it - not because he's insecure or possessive, but because you've raised the suspicion in him that you're going back on an understanding you had. Hope you manage to sort it out though.

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 08/08/2011 01:29

You could have kept your hand in in the car, so to speak.

Could be that Mr Bolognese will be back to sauce up your pasta. If not, think of the fun we could have with a Spaniard - running with bulls and all that.

DrPolidori · 08/08/2011 01:32

yes, but thru, he refused to accept I hadn't actually made a firm date with my friend...that is worrying, don't you think? Just an aboslute "no, you must have" even though I hadn't/ Is that not a bit heavy?

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DrPolidori · 08/08/2011 01:33

btw, I had a warning bell ringing when he called one of his last dates a "bitch" I kind of let it go because of the language thing.

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DrPolidori · 08/08/2011 01:35

My pasta needs no sauce! or at least, no sauce that requires mollycoddling and suchlike to make it happy.

I think we would have had great sex. But I also think we are too different. I'm very laissez faire about past relationships and current friendships.

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izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 08/08/2011 01:39

At age of 57 one would hope that Mr Zabaglione would have some experience of the world and know that sometimes all is not as it appears to us to be, darkly.

However, I formed the impression that it was he who introduced the subject of exclusivity and, to me, that seems a tad juvenile or it is possibly a clever ploy by an experienced old roue to gain speedy access to my lady's chamber.

Perhaps he was simply outraged by the thought of another plundering the contents of her drawers first?

Thruaglassdarkly · 08/08/2011 01:42

Now calling a past date a bitch would've had ME running... Hummm...

And yes, put the way you did in response to my response, yes a bit odd. The sophisticated thing for him to have done had he suspected game playing, would be to bow out gracefully...

Also the whole exclusivity early on sounds a bit alarm bellish...

But the bitch thing - 26 years here and he couldn't think of a nicer word??? Perhaps you had a lucky escape.

heleninahandcart · 08/08/2011 01:44

have PMd you :)

Thruaglassdarkly · 08/08/2011 01:50

yes, but thru, he refused to accept I hadn't actually made a firm date with my friend...that is worrying, don't you think? Just an aboslute "no, you must have" even though I hadn't/ Is that not a bit heavy?

Yes, put like that, it does - in case my last post wasn't clear enough. Maybe it's a cultural and generational expectation, I'm thinking. Don't know many Italian men in their 50s - or, in fact, any. Still not liking the bitch remark he made though...

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 08/08/2011 01:50

"I had a warning bell ringing when he called one of his last dates a "bitch"

Bluddy hell, I can hardly hear myself think for the clanging of the sodding bells.

Code red alarm: abandon shit - throw him overboard, jettison the fucker.

"I kind of let it go because of the language thing" There is no Italian word for 'bitch', and I'd love to be a fly on the wall when he tells his next date about his last date.

Whatever this guy may be, he ain't no gentleman - walk away, honey, and don't look back.

DrPolidori · 08/08/2011 01:51

All this plundering of my drawers!

I wasn't exactly strewing broken glass in front of my chamber! I'm a bit of a simple soul, if I like them, I let them know, I don't believe in playing hard to get, if its something we both want, then that is cool. If it goes goes no further, no harm done. If it does, fabulous.

But I am too old, too tired, too busy to keep more than one more on the go at a time.

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DrPolidori · 08/08/2011 01:52

izzy, can we date?!!!

yeah. dump the twat. see old mate. get on with life.

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DrPolidori · 08/08/2011 01:54

Are we all in agreement then?

He's out. No second chances (any one remember Andy Coulson?)

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DrPolidori · 08/08/2011 01:59

This salad bar is closed!

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izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 08/08/2011 02:06

I vote Aye - he's the one that gets to sleep with the calamaro.

I reckon we should hit the town some night, doc.

GingerbreadDad · 08/08/2011 02:08

Can't believe it etc ...after our lovely afternoon etc. In which we had agreed to just date each other for a bit.

Okay so you agreed to just date each other now your upset that your date is upset that you broke said agreement?

DrPolidori · 08/08/2011 02:10

gingerbread, for the love of god, read the thread!

I just happened to mention an old friend was on the site, which both me an old mate thought was amusing but hey, shall we meet up and catch up?

I DID NOT MAKE ANOTHER DATE WITH ANOTHER RANDOM STRANGER!

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iscream · 08/08/2011 02:26

I don't like the sounds of the "lovely date guy".
Nobody tells me what I can and cannot do, or accuses me of being dishonest or playing games. I mean, they may, but that will be the last they see of me.

I do not think you should be exclusive after one date either, and this is the reason why. One date and this guy is accusing you of things without listening to what you are telling him.
Keep fishing!

iscream · 08/08/2011 02:29

You told him you logged on to hide your profile and replied to an old friend's PM. You do not even have to mention that to him.
He sounds like he believes what he wants to believe and that is it!
Lovely date guy isbvu!

DrPolidori · 08/08/2011 02:34

I have been confuzzled by sexual desire.

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izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 08/08/2011 02:36

I've got a pair of waders left over from another thread that may fit you, doc

DrPolidori · 08/08/2011 02:41

ah, thank you so much!

Though faintly feeling like chucking all sprats back into stream and retiring to hut for a restorative cup of tea.

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JustFiveMinutesHAHAHA · 08/08/2011 12:35

This thread is cracking me up :)

I say meet with him again and clean your kitchen first - otherwise you'll always wonder if he would have been a good shag or not! Best to try it and resolve the issue don't you think

Whatmeworry · 08/08/2011 12:40

whatsme, you missed out clearly on my last dating fiasco a few months ago where an admirer kept pouring double strength cocktails down me and then wondered why I got really pissed. I begged for food, tried to leave...it all ended horribly

Over the carpet? You do know how to pick 'em don't you :)

I'd get back to him in the cold light of day today to see if was a misunderstanding and meet again to see whether he is a good shag relationship material :o

DrPolidori · 08/08/2011 16:14

No, no, no vomit involved. But I sort of snivelled. Bah!

Got an email today saying of course you can see whoever you want, but oldpal might think its a date.

So quite reasoned and measured.

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