Women in your 50s, what would you prioritise in your 40s?

[Suddenly40yo]

Women in your 50s+, would appreciate your wisdom. I’ve recently turned 40 and have been thinking about priorities for the next 10 years. I have lots of ambitions and plans (exercise more, get promotion, spend more time with children and husband, start my own business, etc.), but my time/energy is limited. What did you realise in your 50s-60s as being important to focus your energy on in your 40s? Did you miss that promotion that didn’t happen, extra money not earned from corporate job, time not spent with kids, not exercising enough?

for background - I work full time in finance (middle management), very toxic place with a lot of stress of a client facing role, not quite the field or environment I thrive in, but it does pay ok-ish money. I have 4 kids: toddler to teenager, no family around apart from husband who also works a lot.

my dream has always been to run my own company, but I’ve never had time or money to get going, still have a mortgage to pay. I still have aspirations to do it, but it also requires time and effort.

another option is to try and find a different job, though it comes with a risk of a new place being not much better than current one and new issues on top.

what would you really prioritise in this kind of set up? Would you try to put corporate role on back seat or actually put all effort in chasing a promotion? Would you leave corporate and try starting own business? What else?

I didn’t prioritise fitness and am playing catch up now at 10 years older than you. I tried to prioritise DC and still maintain a professional career, but when that collapsed, I realised I’d been coasting and am now hugely dissatisfied in my work, DC barely around and the financial hit has been difficult to bear. It’s a busy decade, but you can really set yourself up well for the next if you take a breath. 50 hits hard if you’re not in shape in every way IME

I don’t have kids so my circumstances are different, but I am just into my 50s now.

I wish I had really made an effort with fitness and health in my 40s and earlier. I took for granted that I was a reasonable weight and so didn’t put effort into fitness, diet was ok but not great. Since menopause hit I’ve been exhausted, muscles are weak and achy, weight has piled on, and it’s so hard to make any progress at all.

I made a career change in my 40s, so I never missed a big promotion but am now glad I had the courage and confidence to try something new. If you want to start a business just do it. You don’t need to wait until everything is in place, just start and pick up as you go along.

I spent (still do) a lot of my money in my 40s on travel and experiences and have no regrets about it at all. I do regret spending money on pointless things that I didn’t really need - the coffee on a train journey, the new outfit when I had plenty at home, etc. It all adds up.

Another vote for fitness.
I actually turned 50 this week - went through menopause in my 30's and (some might say) foolishly didn't take HRT for long. But l did do weights and cardio so last month when l went for my dexa scan, l was told in no uncertain terms that l would have osteopenia then it will be osteoporosis.

Reader, due to my commitme t to myself, the nurse told me my vones are in fantastic condition! My GP also told me how lucky l was - l said it isn't luck, it's all the hard work l have put in over the last decade!!

Fitness and pension.

Strength training and pension

Fitness. I have good reasons
for faltering in that regard, but so does everyone who neglected their body.

I have managed to raise a wonderful teen, built a career, and grown a pension. It’s my health I wish was stronger.

I would have spent the time getting the children to be as independent as possible.
I took the ‘do it myself’ approach when with a little coaching and patience they would have taken on more responsibility.
I would have done a ‘date night’ once a week, go for a walk, cinema etc
Fitness but something you enjoy, yoga, dance, any kind of movement.

Great thread OP! I'm mid forties. Some really useful info on here.

I am definitely into fitness the last few years. That seems to be the concensus here as well.

I’m stealing this from another thread, and it sums up what it’s like being in your fifties. What’s hit all my friends is the declining health of parents, and the demands that this puts on you.

“”Let’s see; parents get ill or pass away, or they become your extra 2 DC to look after. You work, but no longer care really whilst your management treat you like you are past it. You go to sleep one night and wake up 2 stone heavier, and have aged 10 years. Your kids leave home. Your friends start to get ill and pass away and this leaves you shell shocked as 50 is nothing. You are crippled with anxiety in small situations like getting your hair cut or in a lift. You look at your DH and wonder if you are going to make it as all your friends are getting divorced. Bits starts falling off your body and you start to get stuff wrong with you.”

Regrets about neglecting diet and fitness as it's so much harder now.
And that your facial skincare regime should also include your neck!

I'm late 40s and pondering what my 50s will be like. I've given up alcohol, wish I'd done it sooner. I didn't drink much, but I can't believe how much better I feel 3 months in.

Started really exercising, good amount of cardio and weights, instead of just walking a couple of times a week.

Took a leap of faith with a job offer which has been the best thing for my family, work/life balance. I've found being peri that I could not handle being in the office regularly, because other people just annoyed me.

Save money/build your wealth however you can.
Don't let your weight creep up.
Get strong.
If you're unhappy in your marriage and it's not going to improve, end it.

I can barely remember my 40s, and I'm 52.

Just getting through it all in one piece deserves a medal, frankly

Fitness for sure, particularly strength training. It’s astonishing how quickly you go from being physically strong to achy joints, muscle weakness and injuring yourself easily. I have never struggled with my weight and have always exercised regularly, but I should have prioritised building up strength and would have avoided a lot of problems.

Those of us already in our early 50s wasted a good chunk of our 40s in lockdown, it's no wonder it's all a bit of a blur!

I threw a divorce and new relationship into the mix just to keep me on my toes

Building my career and paying into a private pension.

I think it's important getting into the place you want to be with your career and your finances. Moving jobs becomes difficult to find in your 50s and you are vulnerable to redundancy as you are now officially a has-been.

Make sure you have money saved for your children' s university living expenses. Understand how much they are going to need and what loan they can take out.

By the time your parents are 75-80, you need to to persuade them to downsize and relocate if they are going to. It gets more difficult the older and more entrenched they get. Get all your power of attorney's for health and welfare agreed while it is still seems a long way off. Make sure they have a will and you understand what they want to do about their care in the future. Lifecould be unbearable in your 50s without this in place.

And also you may need to acclimitise yourself to the fact you are invisible and irrelevant. That's a harder blow for some people than others.

Advance in your career. Not starting your own business - too risky. I earned as much as I could when I had the time and energy and then retired at 58. I recommend it.

We had kids in our mid to late thirties amd have prioritised them.

Not far off fifty now and happy that has been our priority. I can take any other regret moving forward but the regret I didn't do my best by my children.

They are happy; we are a close family, and they are increasingly independent.

And now im ready to focus on my own fitness and happiness. So I'd say make the most of your children while they're young.

Agree with PPs Pension & wealth building , side hustle , Botox , old friends & living for the moment , fitness & time with the kids

Great thread! I’m almost 48. Would add not being gaslit by GPs about being ‘too young’ in your 40s to be symptomatic with perimenopause in ways that can be so easily and astonishingly improved with HRT that it will leave you rage-filled when you realise.

Look after your back. If you sit for any length of time in your work, make sure your chair is excellent and ergonomic, remember to get up and walk/stretch during the day. Walk instead of taking a cab/car if you can. Take the stairs not the lift. Do a bit of Pilates in your exercise regime. If your back starts to hurt, don’t ignore it, deal with it straight away.

1. prioritise your financial independence and build up your pension . You don’t want to be vulnerable in your 50s due to redundancy / relationship breakdown . It is much more difficult to move jobs / careers in your 50s .
2. Spend as much quality time with your kids as possible . As they get older - they don’t want to spend as much time with their parents .
3. Try not to neglect your own friends , as easy to get caught up with all the competing demands in your life .
4. As your parents /in laws / older relatives also age , be proactive with them and encourage them to get Powers of Attorney , wills etc and to move to a more suitable property whilst they are still fully mobile rather than doing everything quickly / under pressure when they have to eg after a fall , declining mobility .
5. get your own Will .
6. read up on the symptoms of peri menopause / menopause and educate yourself about these . Not just hot flushes - there can be other debilitations symptoms . Seek advice from your DR when the symptoms hit and unless there are medical reasons not to -consider taking hrt .
7. Try and keep your weight on track and build up your muscle strength .
8. It is important that you start / continue to make time for you and to protect your own mental health . As women, it is easy to put everyone else first and to forget about yourself .

Move to a place of work which aligns with your moral code. After a couple of years reduce to a four or three day week so that you've time to start to explore the self employment dream.

Spend lots of time with people who inspire - family, friends, in hobbies, in workplace. .

Create memories with kids, together make a list of experiences you'd like to have during the year ahead and tick them off one by one

If time short employ people to do bits you both stuggle to complete .. cleaning, gardening, cooking, window cleaning. Alternatively stream line your house, declutter severely, resolve storage issues, set up systems your whole family follow so that the house requires minimal upkeep. We actually moved from an old labor heavy home to a modern easy upkeep home.

Start to prioritize your physical well being. Get into good weekly routines with health and fitness. This should include heavy resistance training. Also ensuring your weight is comfortably within a healthy BMI in perpetration for menopause when weight loss can be harder. Some aerobic work even if it’s just walking 10k steps daily. Once weekly flexibility.such as Pilates or yoga. Role model engagment in fitness to your kids.

Yes and write your Will