Women in your 50s, what would you prioritise in your 40s?

[Suddenly40yo]

Women in your 50s+, would appreciate your wisdom. I’ve recently turned 40 and have been thinking about priorities for the next 10 years. I have lots of ambitions and plans (exercise more, get promotion, spend more time with children and husband, start my own business, etc.), but my time/energy is limited. What did you realise in your 50s-60s as being important to focus your energy on in your 40s? Did you miss that promotion that didn’t happen, extra money not earned from corporate job, time not spent with kids, not exercising enough?

for background - I work full time in finance (middle management), very toxic place with a lot of stress of a client facing role, not quite the field or environment I thrive in, but it does pay ok-ish money. I have 4 kids: toddler to teenager, no family around apart from husband who also works a lot.

my dream has always been to run my own company, but I’ve never had time or money to get going, still have a mortgage to pay. I still have aspirations to do it, but it also requires time and effort.

another option is to try and find a different job, though it comes with a risk of a new place being not much better than current one and new issues on top.

what would you really prioritise in this kind of set up? Would you try to put corporate role on back seat or actually put all effort in chasing a promotion? Would you leave corporate and try starting own business? What else?

Get a mammogram-don’t wait for NHS over 50 scan as you could be 53 by the time they get to you. Go private!

Pay more into pension if you can.

Moisturiser morning & night

SPF50

Strength training. Not just CV at the gym

Declutter

If you are in your forever home focus on DIY & improvements that you want to have the best life. Don’t just put up with what you have if you can afford to make changes.

Losing weight and exercising regularly.

What a great thread!

As someone in their early 40’s and fully in perimenopause, it’s reassuring to hear that women a decade on are affirming that we should focus on fitness and health, pensions and enjoying our family and friends.

Also love being told to chill out about work - need to hear that.

Another vote for fitness. The gap between people who work out and keep their weight down and those who don't becomes huge. Mix up cardio, strength and flexibility.
<<looks at the heavy rain getting ready for parkrun, yuck>>

Not work.

All of the above and also handcream. Moisturise them well and constantly and you won't end up, like me, with hands that look like they belong to a 90 year old.

I'm in my early 50s and I'm astonished by the tiredness and lack of motivation (despite HRT). Every day in work - a job I used to breeze through - is a hideous awful exhausting slog. I'm very close to early retirement anyway because I always wanted to retire mid 50s, but if I'd really focused and prioritised it in my 40s, I could be retired now. I wish 40-year-old me had given 50+ me that option.

I'd also prioritise weight training over running if I could have my 40s back because now I'm too tired to do either and at least I'd have a head start on muscle strength.

I struggle with showing enthusiasm for the “new and innovative approaches” I.e. stuff we used to do on the 90s/00s but shittier and on a shoestring budget

This. It got to the point - shortly before I reached 50 - when every single "new and innovative approach" was something we'd done (or planned but abandoned because it was impossible) 10 years previously. Some things had been tried and abandoned twice and were being revived yet again by a new director with a brilliant new idea. I could have replaced my name badge with 'Ask me why this didn't work last time'.

At 40 you're facing another quarter of a century or so of work. Try to find something you can bear to do for that long - or make a plan to get out early.

Whilst this is all true and useful, I i note OPs point about limited energy and how to prioritise. This is the nub of it really, it just becomes impossible to do ALL the things as much as they are all important. And my energy declined further in my 50's.

Give as much time as you can to your DCs. They will become more independent, sure, but they may also need a lot more ‘course correcting’ and support. Helping them with their big life decisions, supporting during exam season, going to uni open days, teaching them to drive, being present when they need to talk (this always happens at random times usually when you’re busy doing something else ime), doing activities together, etc. Time invested now pays off further down the line.
N.B. I don’t mean as a SAHM - working is good for you too!

Hi op. I haven't rtft so apologies if I'm duplicating.

Pay for a session with a pelvic therapist. See what state your pelvic floor is in.

At 40 I had no idea that I had prolapses from two heavy deliveries. And at 44 when I found out, I had also started with vaginal atrophy and it was too late to reverse the prolapse.

At 46 I had prolapse surgery with three further corrections needed. I'm now looking at two other prolapses.

I intend this to be a scare story for any other younger woman too!

Pelvic therapists didn't exist when I had children. If you are younger now, go and see one. £80 for peace of mind, or early intervention.

Its not normal to leak on trampolines with your kids and it isn't normal to push on your perineum in order to poo.

Also, drink all the nice alcohol now. In ten years you probably won't be able to without a dire hangover or flushing. 😂

If I could back in time

• download the balance app and do a monthly run through the symptoms check list to catch the shit (in a bag) before it hit the fan.
• strength training
• 4.7.8 breathing practice until I could do it on auto pilot
• “should/ought to” audit of life, housework, friends, work

That would have been enough to avoid the worst of it. By the time I realised I was deep in peri-menopause and wasn’t one of the lucky “sail through it” crew, I no longer had the mental health wherewithal to start the rescue engines in a timely fashion.

Fitness and your relationships overall but especially your marriage or if you have a long term partner. I have seen around 50% of my friends break up. The biggest shock was a 34 year marriage. These are close friends, obviously only the couple know truly what’s happened between them but some were inevitable, you could see it from the get go. I am not advocating that people remain together till death in misery but some did just let it slide. They forget why they got together.

Pensions? Of course, I started mine at 21 and as a 60 year old that was really unusual back then. Savings as well even the tiniest amount as compound interest is a thing.

I’m not quite 50 yet but at late 40s and with grown children I wish I had prioritised pension from at least my early 30s. I want to at least have the option to retire or work very part time from mid-50s and I might just be able to after I downsize, but I wish I was further along.

My fitness is very good, my friendships and relationship with my kids too, those are the most important things for me.

@Squirrel437 my mate was called for a mammogram at 48 in a special trial in the area she lived. It picked up a really aggressive form of breast cancer. She wouldn’t have felt a lump at that stage.

I’m early fifties and I did what what lord of people are saying
I spent a lot of money on getting fit healthy and slim
i now weigh less than I was in my teens and have a fantastic figure better than I did in my youth ( some of it bought )😂

and look up the symptoms of peri menopause
One of the worse is vagina atrophy which can cause very painful sex and constant UTIs and is often ignored

It’s not just hot flushes and being angry 😂

and prioritise your relationship
so many get caught up in bringing up kids and life they ignore each other and either have an affair or get divorce or both

As a woman in my early 40s, thank you for starting the thread, OP. Good advice, especially on working on your relationships / pension / fitness.

No peri symptoms yet for me but have friends my age going through it.

it's difficult to fully answer your questions because we're all different but my experience in relation to work...

i was a covid quitter - at 46 i left my high profile (although not high paying) role just as the first covid "response period" came to an end and my mum was about to die in Sep 20. i realised i just wasn't massively ambitious and that my family mattered more - as well as needing to help my parents (my dad was showing signs of dementia), I had a 13yo who had completely disengaged from school during the lockdown. i stayed in the same kind of role but "lesser" for two years.

in nov 22 i started a different role in a charity. have never absolutely loved it but enjoyed it and worked hard until the last few months where i seem to have become completely fed up with life. i have a feeling that (at 52) this is a menopause/perimenopause issue rather than the job itself. i feel as though i have lost all my oomph. ten years ago i had two kids at school and a full on job and i volunteered and i went out with friends and now i spend a huge chunk of time staring into bloody space...

my perimenopause symptoms have been about anxiety and the "unmasking" of my neurodiverse tendencies which has had a huge impact. i also have bad insomnia.

and since there are quite a few comments about sex... the vaginal atrophy i find more fixable - vaginal HRT and YesWB moisturiser/lube. TBF, although my sex drive is a lot lower, perimenopause also gave me a mulitple orgasm superpower i never had before ;-)

Fitness and health, both mental and physical. Prioritising your own needs over those of others. Not compromising constantly so you ever get what you need. Travel as much as you can whilst you can. Appreciate your parents whilst you still have them, if you have a good relationship.

Exercise, cardio & weights but most of all finding something you enjoy. Doing this 5/6 times a week or a combination.

when I hit 40 i joined a gym and went most days of the week, swam, spin, body pump

I was peri menopausal by 43 and had my menopause at 47, had hot flushes but no other particular symptoms. I’m sure the exercise helps control the hormones changing. Keeps mind feeling good, body in a better shape etc I e not seen a doctor for any menopause medication or symptoms

strength train is important in 50s, not that it isn’t at other ages but the focus should be more on weight bearing and lifting in this decade

Health and fitness. Switch to a low glycaemic load diet, work out with Caroline Girvan videos (free on you tube and no hassle of having to get to a gym).

Prioritising our health and fitness is the greatest act of love we can give ourselves and the family and friends we love.

Health and fitness. Everything else will follow. When you realise how strong you are, you will automatically start to make the other changes needed to be your best self into the coming decades.

I am early 50's & was widowed at 42 - my life is so different from anything I planned or imagined.
I really struggle with energy now, I do have a physical job but the inability to get a good night sleep saps the energy & the mental load of being the only parent is huge.
I would say your finances need to be key pensions & ISA's - I will be retiring before I can access my earliest personal pension at 55 (I have a pension from my LH) so funding these years is important to me.
Most pensions will be changed so they can only be accessed after 57 - so do you need to be putting investments elsewhere also?
I kept my mortgage at first to enable investment elsewhere (interest rate was low) - I guess I would say a secure financial position gives you choices & choosing the path that gets you there even though the job might not be your dream was the right choice for me.
Even if you makes some decisions you can change your mind in most instances

Totally agree - now mid60’s and the effort I put into exercise (strength, cardio and flexibility) and saving for pension, these have meant incredible physical and mental freedom. You can’t predict accidents/illness but you can live hopefully.

You've described my 30s bang on. I'm in my 40s now and it is incredibly mellow by comparison!

Late 40s and there are some things I’m glad I’ve already put in place since I had similar thoughts when I turned 40!

Exercise. I moved jobs to one where I could more easily incorporate exercise into my working day. When you have limited time, this means the exercise happens and I was determined not to end up like my own DM who didn’t bother in her 40s and has been reaping the consequences ever since.

Work out your priorities and boundaries. Work can take over if you’re not careful. Elderly parents slide into being more and more demanding - the slide means you’re less aware it’s happening until suddenly you’re running an additional
household and running around after two adult-size toddlers but without nursery hours being available because the NHS and social care assume the daughter will
do everything.

If you had a less than ideal upbringing, organise some therapy now to help with boundary setting.

Prioritise yourself, DC and partner. You won’t get this time back again. I’ve found the big holidays aren’t the key, it’s the everyday activities and time.

Be pro-active about health screening, take up any offers from work for this in addition to the NHS. I found private physio was invaluable for helping me strengthen my body after a few niggling injuries and set up safe exercise practices.

Pay into pension as much as possible.