Women in your 50s, what would you prioritise in your 40s?

[Suddenly40yo]

Women in your 50s+, would appreciate your wisdom. I’ve recently turned 40 and have been thinking about priorities for the next 10 years. I have lots of ambitions and plans (exercise more, get promotion, spend more time with children and husband, start my own business, etc.), but my time/energy is limited. What did you realise in your 50s-60s as being important to focus your energy on in your 40s? Did you miss that promotion that didn’t happen, extra money not earned from corporate job, time not spent with kids, not exercising enough?

for background - I work full time in finance (middle management), very toxic place with a lot of stress of a client facing role, not quite the field or environment I thrive in, but it does pay ok-ish money. I have 4 kids: toddler to teenager, no family around apart from husband who also works a lot.

my dream has always been to run my own company, but I’ve never had time or money to get going, still have a mortgage to pay. I still have aspirations to do it, but it also requires time and effort.

another option is to try and find a different job, though it comes with a risk of a new place being not much better than current one and new issues on top.

what would you really prioritise in this kind of set up? Would you try to put corporate role on back seat or actually put all effort in chasing a promotion? Would you leave corporate and try starting own business? What else?

Sunscreen factory 50. Every single day.

I regret terribly not doing this. I have aged horribly since turning 45.

Strength training. I did start seriously at 54 and have magnificent bones, according to my doctor, but if I had a do over, I’d prioritize fitness much earlier.

And doing things you want to do, whether that’s a hobby or traveling. Do whatever your time and budget permits.

Look for the best job security you can. I'm now 63 and was made redundant four times in my 50s. My skills were up to date and in demand, my experience was solid but employers prefer younger, less expensive employees whose faces fit.

I managed to find new equivalent roles on each occasion but it did not make for a very relaxed decade.

For the same reason, pay off your mortgage as soon as possible.

Ramp up your fitness/exercise in your 40s to stave off belly fat. It is much easier to keep it off in the first place than to get rid of it once it has settled on your middle. Attend all screening appointments when offered. Don't put them off.

I turned 50 last month and it’s been a time of reflection! Things I did which I recommend

1. as many have mentioned …strength training. I got a PT 6 years ago and strength train at least 3x per week. I’ve maintained a healthy weight and my body is strong. I’m also vain so I love being muscular and lean (good for self esteem)
2. priority was DC - they came first always for my time and attention. As a result they are well adjusted, kind people with lots of interests. I have very close relationships with both. I also pushed them academically within their capabilities which I don’t regret. They are at unis of choice (disclaimer I did not teach them to be independent enough…I did everything related to clothes, food, money etc so we are playing catch up now)
3. I gave up alcohol and learned to say no to things I didn’t want to do
4. I moved house to an area I’ve always loved
5. prioritised pensions (this was hard and meant sacrifices …I wanted to renovate but haven’t etc) SO GLAD I did that…because
6. I totally burned out aged 48. Ended up off sick for 6 months. Physically and mentally exhausted. I was in a long hours job in an organisation that took full advantage of people with poor boundaries. At the same time, leaders started to be younger and I was accountable for decisions I’d had no input in making. I should have heeded red flags and changed jobs
7. ignored perimenopause…complete denial. Now I am in HRT I feel alot better
8. I dealt with death of parent and have not established good boundaries with the remaining who is like another child

Invest heavily in your marriage. Good dates. Good laughs. Good sex. Good times.

Exercise...weights were harder to get into in my late 40s.

Celebrate the little things-cultivate a heart that finds the joy.

Carve time out to be available for the children. The teens will want you when they want you. Their 18th birthday is closer than you recognise. It's a bittersweet day when you are proud of their adulthood and their independence, and you recognise you've faded into their background.

Take the risks.

Go out by yourself. Be comfortable in your own company at a cafe, a restaurant, the theatre, the cinema.

Invest in a pension as much as you can...but allow yourself the occasional treat.

Even when life is heavy, try to find something to enjoy. Even if it's reading a book in the bath.

And i can't give you the how @Suddenly40yo but yes, find a way to start your own business. If you want to do it, find a way to do it. I realised in my 30s i wanted to die knowing i'd tried and failed rather than regretting not trying at all. That has stood me in good stead and has helped me be proud of myself for trusting that i can.

Fitness and sex.

Your fanny drying up (thanks menopause 🙄🙄🙄) is zero on the ‘fun’ scale.
Nobody told it me it would dry up or that I would be awake at 5am because of fucking menopausal insomnia. Joy.
I’ve been reliably informed it never re hydrates either so LOTS of sex.

Fitness, including weights for strength & functional / pilates / swimming for mobility & injury prevention. Sunscreen. HRT when time comes (even if not symptomatic as so many preventative benefits).

Pensions. Tax efficiency if you are higher rate tax payers. S&S ISAs - drip feed into them.

Spending time with loved ones & enjoying life in the now doing simple things (doesn't need to cost money). Stop spending/ wasting money on unnecessary 'stuff'. In your 50s you might want to step down / retire early etc & have the choice to do so - your later self will thank your today self for being more money savvy.

Reduce intake of UPFs and alcohol. Eat as well as you can, doesn't need to mean expensive or fancy.

Start HRT if you haven't already.

Are you taking HRT now?

Yes! Neck AND Chest - it's why I sleep on my back & moisturise well. I hate a crepey chest!

Strength training, fitness, savings and pension.

Yes, and HRT ASAP

This nails it ^🙄

HRT - plus use vaginal Oestrogen even if you can't or don't want to use transdermal HRT.

I’m glad I prioritised health throughout my 30s and forties. Once I had my children, exercise became “me time” and maintaining my weight second nature. Professionally I burnt out horribly in my mid-40s from a toxic work environment and ended up taking a few years out. I am so glad I had that time at home with the kids. Getting back into work was really difficult but luckily I did. It’s not perfect and only now after several years back am I earning more than before but I am also doing something completely differently albeit in the same industry. Since getting back I have prioritised pension contributions and taken an active interest in managing that money - I wish I’d paid more attention earlier. I regret not spending more time with friends but honestly everyone was busy with their own families so not sure how realistic that would have been. I still dream of “doing my own thing” to make money but am clueless as to what that would be. Once my youngest leaves for uni I’ll have more time to work this out.

“”Let’s see; parents get ill or pass away, or they become your extra 2 DC to look after. You work, but no longer care really whilst your management treat you like you are past it. You go to sleep one night and wake up 2 stone heavier, and have aged 10 years. Your kids leave home. Your friends start to get ill and pass away and this leaves you shell shocked as 50 is nothing. You are crippled with anxiety in small situations like getting your hair cut or in a lift. You look at your DH and wonder if you are going to make it as all your friends are getting divorced. Bits starts falling off your body and you start to get stuff wrong with you.”

Christ! I'm 62 and don't recognise the above!

Eta: eat well, keep mobile, do some strength training, nurture your relationships, have some good holidays, don't fear menopause - it's perfectly natural and help is at hand if you're struggling, take responsibility for your pension and chill out about work.

strength training- only just started this, good 10yrs on from you and regretting not starting it sooner.
Establish boundaries with DPs, last 10yrs have been extremely difficult with DM, and part of that was having poor boundaries beforehand. Therapy was a lifesaver when perimenopause hit and I fell apart due to a combination of peri anxiety and unresolved early trauma, so if anything in your background, I’d suggest being proactive.
Making boundaries clear with all important people in your life - you start to realise (again, thanks peri) how much you are juggling midlife with DC/ DH/ DP/ friends/ work. Doing something for yourself - hobby/ fitness etc is really important.

im 55, and in my mid forties I threw everything I could into my pension. I was fortunate enough to have been in a good company scheme anyway but I absolutely maxxed it. And got to understand exactly what my position was.

Now at 55 I’ve been able to make significant tax free withdrawals and have bought myself a weekend cottage which I love as I’m still easily young enough to do it up and enjoy it.

Your core - strength training, Pilates and yoga.
pension
mental health - meditation, mindfulness
yourself- do something that nourishes you

Thank you 🙏

Your advice is a bit less scary and easier to countenance than some of the other posts here!

Great thread idea, OP!

Oh and I have a couple weekends a year where I book into a hotel somewhere nice and read, do jigsaws and be by myself!!

Minimum 15% of your income to pension.
Exercise and healthy weight
Having fun
On the career front bear in mind it’s harder to make a change as you get older so if you can’t see yourself doing what your doing for the foreseeable now is a good time to scope what you want and start looking for it.

Build:

• muscle mass
• bone density
• pension.

And as malware says, if your parents are still around and healthy start preparing yourself - and them - for when they're not. Check you know their wishes and have PoA to act on them, get their computer passwords and at least an overview of finances.

Health and fitness, strength training, maintain a decent weight (I’m sure I woke up one day 10 pounds heavier all on my belly despite regular exercise and eating well!)
Travel, holidays, weekends away with friends. Having nice things booked in keeps me going through the stress of life, work. Elderly parents and teens.
life in my 40s got very busy with the above but I am so grateful for the good times I have had with my husband, kids and friends. Prioritising friends and that time with them has kept me sane during tough times, they are there with me through it all and me them. Laughter and good times with friends is the best medicine. I have a realisation lately that life can be short - live that life and do what makes you happy. If that is work go for it but I suspect a lot of people will look back in their 50s and think they shouldn’t have been so stressed and worked so hard.

Pay as much into a pension as you can possibly afford. My work mojo has declined and I struggle with showing enthusiasm for the “new and innovative approaches” I.e. stuff we used to do on the 90s/00s but shittier and on a shoestring budget. I am increasingly obsessed with retirement.

Those of you focusing on exercise, find something you enjoy outside the gym unless you are a really keen gym goer. I used to love the gym in my 40s but now can’t be arsed with all the phones and PTs wanting photos with clients for insta posts. Now I’d much rather go for a nice walk in nature with the dog and lift weights and do yoga in my front room or garden. If I was still equating exercise with the gym I’d never do anything.