Women in your 50s, what would you prioritise in your 40s?

[Suddenly40yo]

Women in your 50s+, would appreciate your wisdom. I’ve recently turned 40 and have been thinking about priorities for the next 10 years. I have lots of ambitions and plans (exercise more, get promotion, spend more time with children and husband, start my own business, etc.), but my time/energy is limited. What did you realise in your 50s-60s as being important to focus your energy on in your 40s? Did you miss that promotion that didn’t happen, extra money not earned from corporate job, time not spent with kids, not exercising enough?

for background - I work full time in finance (middle management), very toxic place with a lot of stress of a client facing role, not quite the field or environment I thrive in, but it does pay ok-ish money. I have 4 kids: toddler to teenager, no family around apart from husband who also works a lot.

my dream has always been to run my own company, but I’ve never had time or money to get going, still have a mortgage to pay. I still have aspirations to do it, but it also requires time and effort.

another option is to try and find a different job, though it comes with a risk of a new place being not much better than current one and new issues on top.

what would you really prioritise in this kind of set up? Would you try to put corporate role on back seat or actually put all effort in chasing a promotion? Would you leave corporate and try starting own business? What else?

Spend time with those you love.
Children need you less and less as they get older.
In my 50s I have started to lose friends to heart attacks and illness.
Spend time with your parents. I now dont have mine due to sudden cancer but others dont have theirs because of dementia
Record their voices just take the hugs.
Prioretise fitness. Menopause is crazy and if you want to climb that mountain in retirement you need to build the capability now!

Don’t get hung up on faffy skincare, the best skin care is eating healthy, staying hydrated, and moderate sun exposure. Don’t sunbathe but don’t be obsessive about staying out the sun either, we need our vitamin D. Most skin care is placebo, and not going to stop you aging, so focus on being healthy, you can’t counter the effects of smoking, alcohol and poor diet with an expensive 5-step skincare routine. I hit menopause and suddenly needed a moisturiser, and now just use a Hyaluronic acid serum and it’s really helped.

Avoid pharma. Do not take the hormones! Don't do it... it will be tougher but find a way. If we were supposed to slap on patches, we'd produce our own glue.
You won't like people anymore so prepare for that.
Get financially prepared now for when you don't give a sh@t about success. Gold ideally as they'll crash the financial system. Don't think you're going to get a pension.
Learn about gardening. It will help you later.
Get muscle mass now. Be able to do press-ups, pull-ups and squats and keep that going. I can only do one of these at 52 and was in best shape of my life at 40.
Alcohol is fine - a few drinks a night are essential. Not heaps, just a treat if that's your thing.
Be kind - it will get more difficult to be kind to yourself and the others we have to share this place with, but do your best. It's not their fault.
Never drive when you have peri rage.

Really loving this thread, thank you! I actually made my first PT appt last week for later this week. I can only afford once a fortnight for now but hopefully it’s a good start. I really need to look at pensions and other investment options too, because at 42 I’m already thinking I can’t bear the thought of doing my job at the same intensity in 10 years time.

Only in my early 40s and just realising how much time I've spent/do spend asking people in my life about themselves, their lives, their needs etc without any curiosity about my own life and feelings being reciprocated. Massively depressing.

I would prioritise an active life with your children.

It will help you keep fit naturally, and give you great memories for your much older age when looking back on life gets more important.

I intend to take all the hormones! Nature has seen fit to turn my hair prematurely grey and give me shit eyesight. I'm not putting up with that, so I'm not putting up with diminishing hormones. Put them back!

Health, chucking as much as possible into a good pension, and learning how to be more assertive.

100% no. The reduction of oestrogen can play havoc with your health, the loss of bone density alone is potentially catastrophic. There’s no medals for toughing out menopause, and no supplements can compensate for the drop in hormones like HRT can. HRT is no longer a “sledgehammer to crack a nut” high dose, patches and gels range from 25mg - 100mg doses and can be increased or decreased to suit your individual needs. These lower doses also mean it’s no longer linked to increased breast cancer, and the use of progesterone means it’s not linked to endometrial cancers, as some will try to scaremonger about either. HRT is your friend, don’t feel you have to suffer just because it’s ‘natural’.

@Perimoo i very much feel the opposite of you haha

i find hrt is great and helps a lot, but alcohol is toxic to me now

i do not really understand the idea that you should be wary of big pharma and oestrogen patches, but embrace “Big Liquor” as alcohol whilst socially acceptable, even in small doses disrupts your sleep and affects your health much more

Pension and sex

Career and time with DC too of course, taken as read.

This is an excellent thread - thank you OP!

This is a brilliant thread - thank you!

I wish I'd made myself do more classes and clubs in my 40s as now I do Pilates and wish I'd done it earlier! Everyone should do it to build up strength and resilience and I really feel it if I miss a week!

Any advice on best pension funds to invest in for the self-employed gratefully accepted! I have left it late but hopefully not too late!

This!

Rather dramatic!
I didn’t get much sex in my 40s and 50s as marriage broke down but met new partners in 60s and no sign of fanny drying up /with the right partners is the reverse😂

Get your finances/career sorted so that you can have the mortgage paid off and stop working full time. You have a much better work/life balance then.

Think about what you actually want, not what society says you should do/have. I am thinking about keeping up with the Jones' type stuff, not shirking your responsibilities or not caring about your health. So think about what aspects of your life you can compromise on and what areas you absolutely won't compromise on.

For me, it's living in a 2 bed house mortgage free, so I can work just 3-4 days a week, and travel for 2 months of the year. Of course, other will value having a larger more valuable house more, and not be into traveling, so it's what things are important to you

So vaginal oestrogen should be taken in addition to HRT? I'm on femoston, would this apply to me?

Lucky you.
Fanny drying up is a well known menopausal side effect. Justbecause you didn’t have it doesn’t mean it’s not real .
On the plus side I haven’t had a single hot flush. I wouldn’t be rubbing other womens faces in that though if they were suffering from them.

For me it’s been very fucking dramatic.
But thanks for your gloating unnecessary comment.
There's still time for your fanny to dry up and atrophy though -not that I’m hoping that will happen to you , obvs. 🙄

Bump

Don’t get cancer! That really stuffs things up on the whole fitness, pension, relationship, mortgage front…

Great thread. I'm mid 50's. My tips: Get in shape before the menopause hits. I was in reasonable shape but it still hit me like a tonne of bricks. Dont be nervous about hrt - without it i would have had to give up work. Overpay your mortgage, even £10 a month helps. Try to save for your kids, going to uni etc is expensive. Have fun - time moves fast. I decided not to go for promotion to prioritise my home/work balance. I also work 4 days a week so i have a day to reset each week. I know this won't be the same for everyone. Find a hobby to distract you from all the worries of life. I read somewhere to think about what you enjoyed as a child to find your ideal hobby.

I'd love to see a thread like this for 60/70+ year olds to give advice to us 50 year olds. If anyone sets one up I'll follow with interest!

Fitness and strength work.

Invest time in your relationships and friendships - you’ll thank yourself when the nest is empty.

As soon as you get any symptoms of the period, start the ball rolling for HRT if you can.

And finally, don’t listen to the negative Nellie’s that make out that life at 50+ is all doom and gloom. I’ve never felt better and never been so comfortable in who I am!

@PaddyshanksEverbody experiences menopause differently. There are lots of us who have mild symptoms. I’m mid 50s and only had some occasional hot flushes, but nothing else really. The same for some (not all) of my friends. There’s really no need to take medication if you don’t need it.

1. HRT wish id started in my 40s for better bones and mood and now saying helps with dementia. 2. Regular exercise 3. Hobbies/time for myself.

I only had mild symptoms too. But I wasn’t going to wait for them to turn into worse ones! HRT is good for your bones as well 👍