Women in your 50s, what would you prioritise in your 40s?

[Suddenly40yo]

Women in your 50s+, would appreciate your wisdom. I’ve recently turned 40 and have been thinking about priorities for the next 10 years. I have lots of ambitions and plans (exercise more, get promotion, spend more time with children and husband, start my own business, etc.), but my time/energy is limited. What did you realise in your 50s-60s as being important to focus your energy on in your 40s? Did you miss that promotion that didn’t happen, extra money not earned from corporate job, time not spent with kids, not exercising enough?

for background - I work full time in finance (middle management), very toxic place with a lot of stress of a client facing role, not quite the field or environment I thrive in, but it does pay ok-ish money. I have 4 kids: toddler to teenager, no family around apart from husband who also works a lot.

my dream has always been to run my own company, but I’ve never had time or money to get going, still have a mortgage to pay. I still have aspirations to do it, but it also requires time and effort.

another option is to try and find a different job, though it comes with a risk of a new place being not much better than current one and new issues on top.

what would you really prioritise in this kind of set up? Would you try to put corporate role on back seat or actually put all effort in chasing a promotion? Would you leave corporate and try starting own business? What else?

Really appreciate this thread. I’m late 30s and been thinking i need to prioritise my fitness again after my health has been destroyed by having kids. Want to be my best heading into my 40s.

Divorce

Arm yourself with knowledge
Peri menopause
Menopause
thyroid
Auto immune conditions
Fitness and balance
Look after your skin and hair
Make sure you learn to always check your breasts and get to know your own body and don't be frightened to advocate for yourself
Also make.sure u take take time to rest or relax it's all about balance and also protecting your mental health ! Just turned 50 myself !

Prioritise your relationship with your husband and your children.
I'm in my 50's now and marriage isn't great but I can't/won't see a way out.
Cherish every minute with your children. Their young lives fly by and before you know it they are all grown up.
X

I’m only 50 but I’d say health. Lots of things are different for women in different circumstances, but unless a disability means you can’t, get fit and do weight training. Sleep as well as you can. Learn how to manage anxiety if you haven’t already. And when faced with a new or difficult life skill or task, give it a go yourself before outsourcing it, if possible, thus learning new things and increasing your confidence and resilience.

Agree very much with the health and pension which I’ve worked hard on.
I’d also say to spend time with your parents, if that is something that brings you happiness. I’m an orphan, as of a month ago, at the age of 53. You think there will be more time, and then it’s gone.

I would push in your health and career right now (the promotion). As some others have said- perimenopause may throw you into a loop. A lot of women find they have to step down from highly driven irk to get through it- so pack in your status gains (will make you a better sell for your own business) and financial gains (savings and pension), so you can adapt to stepping out of the rat race in a few years time, in a stronger position.

by look in g after your health now, you might be able to lessen the impact of peri, and even if you sail through peri, as some do, health gains going into the second half of your life will always be good.

Definitely fitness and keeping on top of weight if it’s an issue for you. Really regret not maintaining a healthy weight as it’s so much harder to lose over fifty.

Can I just raise an issue with the positive thinking stuff. It seems all very innocent on the surface.
But underpinning it is a ‘bad health, disability ? Surely you think negatively vibe.

It was doing the rounds decades ago with speakers seeking to come and talk to people with disabilities about if only they thought more positively then their world would be better. And the implication was, so would everyone else’s. As a person with a disability I was deeply insulted.

Yes a positive outlook can be helpful. But, I mention above as not everyone will be aware though that some of this speak from some places has an underlying message that is very anti anyone with a disability.

I forgot to say it in my earlier post.

Lashings of hand cream with spf.

My 50s self is thanking my 30s self for this decision. I don't have old lady hands right now. I love this!

I agree. Even if you’ve been there a long time, when you leave or retire, your position is usually filled very quickly by someone else and everyone moves on instantly.

Definitely fitness - strength and flexibility. I got fit in my 40s and am feeling really strong in my 50s - probably the fittest I’ve been .
SPF every day even in winter .

Thank you

husband isn’t the problem so much as we just have a bad relationship and no energy to repair - it’s not that either of us are bad people per say.

Also have no friends and have never been good at making them.

Life has been chugging along, sometimes ok, sometimes not. Just this thread has made me realise 50 is not far off and I have no idea how to make things more ok.

Thank you
That has helped. Overwhelming is exactly right.

Both DC have SEN, one with greater daily impact, and I’m
late diagnosed and struggling with the symptoms.

I can take control of my weight, I’ve done it before.

This has resonated, thank you

Fitness and friendships are what I wish I had devoted more time to, as I felt I didn't have that much time to do so, but I could have put myself in higher priority when it came to family responsibility.

. General well being in terms of diet in peri menopause is also important

M y career was on hold in my 30s while children were young, felt like treading water even though I was full time. A focus on your pension arrangements is important as 40 to 60 ( when your earnings potential is often at its highest) goes by in a flash compared to 20 to 40..

Career wise, it takes a lot to manage two careers in one marriage. Is you husband supportive of either of your options? . How do they impact on financial security ?

Running you own business only really works if you've a viable business plan and have identified actua paying l customers as well as potential new ones. Where are you going to get working capital and premises or a vehicle if you need them ? Networking is important as you need good contacts

definitely work for someone you admire for a few years in the relevant field before you take the leap to self employment.

Generally you need to set aside 12 to 18 months take home salary equivalent to help cushion the financial hit of low cash flow but high expenditure during the early stages of self employment.

Have a plan B and C as well.

Get as senior/well paid as you can without wrecking your work/life balance. Pay off or reduce debt as much as poss. Boost pension as much as poss.
All of this helps you to be more flexible with work in your 50s (whether that is reducing hours, changing jobs, going freelance or indeed seeking further promotion).
Strength training. I'm much stronger now at 51 than I was at 41.
Reduce alcohol a lot (e.g. only drink on nights out, not at home).
Look out for peri (might creep in earlier than you think) and dont be afraid to try HRT in your 40s.
More rigorous skincare routine.
Enjoy your relatively line free and collagen rich face...it's quite a swift downhill from mid 40s!! Even if you take a lot of care of skin and health.

Great thread @Suddenly40yo .

Fitness. Learn from my mistakes. Prioritise this. I have a lot of catching up to do.

Pension: I started focusing on this mid to late 40s and wish I had done it sooner. Max your contribution if you can. The compounding effect is amazing. See where it is invested: beware the default funds.

Finances: see above. Stuff your ISA to the limit. Do the same for your DC if you can (I can’t due to the cost of their education but you can’t do and pay for everything at once).

Avoid lifestyle inflation. I was obsessed with getting a forever house. Now that our PM wants to tax the f out of just about every house in the south east, I am relieved that I didn’t go for the detached dream etc (in London) or saddle myself with a mortgage.

Spend money on what gives you joy. For me it’s holidays - not necessary luxury or long haul. It also has the benefit of showing DC the world or at least Europe.

If you end up buying rentals or other investments, speak to a financial planner or estate planner to mitigate against IHT before you buy the assets.

Look up the Donegans on YouTube - free and excellent tips on managing money that have transformed my future - really.

Whatever you do, please prioritise your health. The next ten years will throw perimenopause/menopause at you and coupled with stressful job, children and possible ageing parents this quickly becomes a very real health lottery. I was always healthy and thought I could do it all - until an autoimmune disease hit full force out of the blue at 51 and I metaphorically fell off a cliff healthwise. So basically, reduce stress where you can and learn to say no.

Health. That includes fitness but more than that - I had vast amounts of stress in my 40 and early 50s and am now too ill to work. I was super super fit (competitive athlete) but did nothing to tackle the stress and it eventually caught up with me. So, OP
ditch that job and find a less stressful way to earn a living.

As soon as your eldest hits 18 get them added to your power of attorneys. Especially if you are single, no one else is going to pick up your life admin if something dreadful happens to you.

The .Gov power of attorneys are about £90 each (you need a finance one and a health one) and take approx 3 months in total to complete, get signed by family / friends, send off and receive confirmation that it's all sorted.

@Raspbellies would you choose a child rather than DH in general?

May I ask what your symtoms were @TB23 and what you were diagnosed with? I have thought for years something isn’t quite right but tests never verify it - even private ones.

travel if you have a DH I'd do them and add a child. I have my sister and my teen on mine.

Please tell me which hand cream has SPF

Loosing weight /regular excerise.