Women in your 50s, what would you prioritise in your 40s?

[Suddenly40yo]

Women in your 50s+, would appreciate your wisdom. I’ve recently turned 40 and have been thinking about priorities for the next 10 years. I have lots of ambitions and plans (exercise more, get promotion, spend more time with children and husband, start my own business, etc.), but my time/energy is limited. What did you realise in your 50s-60s as being important to focus your energy on in your 40s? Did you miss that promotion that didn’t happen, extra money not earned from corporate job, time not spent with kids, not exercising enough?

for background - I work full time in finance (middle management), very toxic place with a lot of stress of a client facing role, not quite the field or environment I thrive in, but it does pay ok-ish money. I have 4 kids: toddler to teenager, no family around apart from husband who also works a lot.

my dream has always been to run my own company, but I’ve never had time or money to get going, still have a mortgage to pay. I still have aspirations to do it, but it also requires time and effort.

another option is to try and find a different job, though it comes with a risk of a new place being not much better than current one and new issues on top.

what would you really prioritise in this kind of set up? Would you try to put corporate role on back seat or actually put all effort in chasing a promotion? Would you leave corporate and try starting own business? What else?

It absolutely does not!!!

Focus on the fact you will probably hit menopause and it will derail everything. I was expecting it but rather than hot flushes it was serious depression and anxiety, given the time over i would have gone straight to my GP and got HRT, as it was i lost the best part of a decade to anxiety, depression and insomnia.
Ideas of more exercise, better relationships, and starting a business were all abandoned in the fight for survival on 2 hours sleep a night.

Mid 40s i got into protecting what you have mode:

spending time with family

looking after our house/fix things like leaking roof

looking after my body (exercise, healthy diet)

looking after my friendships and social life

keeping relevant in my job (training)

looking after money (savings/pension etc) cut back frivolous spending

quite boring really 😁 but reaping the rewards of that in my 50s now

HEALTH
Most important thing ever.
If it means you have do work less hours, do so. If it means stopping fr a while, again go for it.
Otherwise, eat well, strengthening exercises and build muscle (you start loosing muscle mass from your 40s).
Friends - a network around you is essential. You won’t always be able to rely on your ‘family of origin’ ie parents if things go really good down hill (just die to their age btw)
Write a will.

Definitely skin care and fitness.

Paying off the mortgage.

It changed everything.

Id actually agree with @Gateappreciation
A lot of her description is basically menopause + aging parents + kids at Uni

The wondering about divorce is perhaps not as common but many women divorce in their 50s too.

Of course, some women will badly feel a thing from menopause.
Some parents are living well into their 80~90s, independently.
Kids move out but live close and you still see them every weekend.

But you can’t ignore the passage of time and say it doesn’t happen iyswim

OP you sounds like a woman with a lot of ambition and well done for managing 4 children and a busy full time job!

I think most posters have mentioned the same over and over which I agree with (strength training, health, pension). What I would say is invest in your relationships. Nurture your relationship with your partner and your children. You can start strength training in your 50s and achieve good results (I have), but you will NEVER get time back with your family.

Oh and prioritising time with friends and people outside your family. There have been a couple of deaths from
friends in their 40s and 50s which really made me re-evaluate who I value and spend time with.

The reverse of that is stopping spending time with people you don’t like or are putting up with.

Support network is vital and you need your friends for that.

I'd have eaten better and got myself fitter. I found out a couple of years ago I was pre-diabetic and my cholesterol as creeping up. Change in diet and more exercise, my sugar levels are well down, can't seem to get my cholesterol down which isn't good with family history. I always walked everywhere and did the odd exercise class, but now do hill walking, the odd bit of cycling and more classes - all of which I really enjoy and are good for my health. All of my friends have had health issues worse than above, and four (I have seven main friends) have had operations in last three years.

Not in my 40s, but I now realise life is too short and I'd have given up work sooner. We just live on DH's pension right now (£2,100) and have just made the first withdrawal from savings in 18 months, partly for holiday abroad, the rest for a new car. We're not worried about that, as we still have my pension and old age pension to come - when that happens, we'll certainly have more than enough for us. People are saying invest in your pensions, yes you need to make sure you can pay the bills if you could take early retirement, but if there's two pensions and old age pension that's more than enough.

Having retired, I'm now glad I have some really good friends. There are times when I've felt a bit tired and could have not met, but making that effort has paid off. Also, some things I'm passionate about (DH and I have a joint hobby, I love my exercise and a book follows me everywhere).

Strength training

Pension

I'm in my 50s and in my opinion this is a really pessimistic view of what its like.

Maybe I'm just really lucky but the only thing I can relate to in that list is 2 of our children have left home (which is a good thing because it means they're becoming independent young adults).

My tip to you OP would be make sure you eat a good healthy diet and move your body regularly because your health is one of your most important assets.

I’m surprised at how much fitness has featured. Very interesting thanks ladies.

Spend time with family before they are gone, one way or another.

I agree with this

Mine is quite specific to my situation, but I imagine it could apply in other circumstances. I wish I’d learnt how to do more ‘man jobs’ and got more things done in the house. My husband died young and unexpectedly. I had never been in the loft, put air in the car tyres or taken it for an mot. There is work that we planned to do ‘later’ in the house/garden and now it’s later and it is much harder to do them as I’m older (50 next year), as well having to make all the decisions on my own.
I agree with the others saying fitness/health and time with your family and friends.

Get some vaginal oestrogen cream either ftom your gp or boots, use it inside and out and it should undesicate your nether regions 😁

Earn as much money as possible (pay off the mortgage and save/invest!) but enjoy yourself too!

Also don’t sweat the small stuff - no one will care in a 100 years (or probably now!).

Health - food and exercise - and family

dreams are for implementing when the kids are grown / hold them , dream them but don’t give them your time and energy just yet

the 40s seem to be the hardest decade for many

I ran a lot in my 40s, and started weight training in my 50s. I really appreciate that now (56 soon).

I would have liked to have put more into my pension, but we had times of barely making it to payday in the black. We did overpay the mortgage though, and paid it off at 52/48 (I’m older).

I didn’t seek promotion at work for a long time, as life was pretty full on with 2 small dc (I had them at 37 and 40) and DH largely working away or very early starts (construction).

I built a good network of friends locally, mostly through the dc, and we have seen each other through all sorts, redundancies, relationships breaking down, second babies (or not…), kids, partner’s affairs, health issues, starting nursery, school, high school, driving lessons, boyfriends, exams, work, promotions…

I didn’t realise at the time how valuable these friendships would be going forward.

and Baz Lurhman was right about sunscreen.

Health

Lots of focus here on strength training, which is important, but the thing you lose first is power and power is the thing that protects against 'having a fall'

Jump and skip, do some kettlebell swings, Aldi has cheap medicine balls this time of year, get one of those to chuck about.

Finance

Lots of talk about pensions, yes pay into a pension but also think about how for people in their 40s and younger the pension age is increasing, this is for the state pension but it also moves when you can start receiving your private pension.

Think about putting a little bit each month into a stocks and shares ISA to give you bridging options or to help maybe go part time later on. It isn't as tax efficient as a pension on the way in but it has benefits on the way out.

I’m in my mid 40s - would someone mind explaining what investments and strength training actually mean?

I have an isa and I pay a lot into a pension to make up for the baby years - should I be doing other things as well?

I have joined a gym - is doing the machines with weights strength training or is it just when you weight lift?

I have lost weight with mj and I’m on hrt and I’ve had my midlife adhd diagnosis and I have a good job for the moment and my dc are doing well and I still get on with my dh but I’m already so tired and I sleep so badly. I just keep pushing through and living my life because I see how hard it is to do things when you are older but I worry I will burn out or make myself ill as I don’t get enough rest. I can’t imagine what my life is going to be like if I keep getting more tired and achy - I was hoping hrt would fix it.

Adding to the general opinion - fitness and strength training in particular. Plan to age well and not to be a burden on your children. This is, and I cannot stress this enough, a choice for the vast majority of people.

Work and careers - it doesn’t really matter. Just get as much money as you can and give up as soon as possible. Life is so much richer than most jobs can ever be. Get involved in community instead.

You realise all this when you are in your fifties and your parents, and indeed your friends, start dying.

Excellent of you to ask the question, OP.

This is a great thread to read at 43! I got a block of personal trainer sessions for my 40th birthday and am still going once a week three years later and am so proud of my deadlifts! I am fascinated by being able to feel muscles in my arms and thighs and to have discovered my obliques. I also do Pilates and the hip pain I was starting to feel has vanished. My tip is get a female PT, preferably a bit older herself and ideally at a women's gym. You need to focus on what a middle aged woman needs, and it's so much better to have a certified, knowledgeable, experienced professional who knows what that is rather than a 20yo gym bro teaching you.

I pay a lot into my pension (private) so really glad to see that advice coming up.

I try to prioritise rest, which can be active rest - a conscious choice to take time for me, be it a dog walk in nature or reading a book for an hour instead of doing housework (I would like to have a nicer looking house though, I can't deny). I increasingly need to switch off, calm down and be alone to recharge on a regular basis.

I would say to get your pelvic floor checked by a good women's health physiotherapist especially if you had vaginal deliveries and if you notice any leaking when doing impact movement or laughing or coughing. I got caught out with a prolapse like a pp, and now will have to have surgery which I would much rather have avoided. A lot of women aren't doing pelvic floor exercises properly and it's hard to know that yourself. A good physio could help you correct any weakness early enough to save a lot of problems later.

Strength training. Couldn't be happier now that I started a few years ago.