BBC cotton ceiling thread, number 2

(398 Posts)
PurgatoryOfPotholes Wed 27-Oct-21 13:33:23

Due to some people's fervent objections, here is the article with the mention of the questionnaire excised.

As you can see, the article stands without it.

part 1

Is a lesbian transphobic if she does not want to have sex with trans women? Some lesbians say they are increasingly being pressured and coerced into accepting trans women as partners - then shunned and even threatened for speaking out. Several have spoken to the BBC, along with trans women who are concerned about the issue too.

Warning: Story contains strong language

"I've had someone saying they would rather kill me than Hitler," says 24-year-old Jennie*.

"They said they would strangle me with a belt if they were in a room with me and Hitler. That was so bizarrely violent, just because I won't have sex with trans women."

Jennie is a lesbian woman. She says she is only sexually attracted to women who are biologically female and have vaginas. She therefore only has sex and relationships with women who are biologically female.

Jennie doesn't think this should be controversial, but not everyone agrees. She has been described as transphobic, a genital fetishist, a pervert and a "terf" - a trans exclusionary radical feminist.

"There's a common argument that they try and use that goes 'What if you met a woman in a bar and she's really beautiful and you got on really well and you went home and you discovered that she has a penis? Would you just not be interested?'" says Jennie, who lives in London and works in fashion.

"Yes, because even if someone seems attractive at first you can go off them. I just don't possess the capacity to be sexually attracted to people who are biologically male, regardless of how they identify."

I became aware of this particular issue after I wrote an article aboutsex, lies and legal consent.

Several people got in touch with me to say there was a "huge problem" for lesbians, who were being pressured to "accept the idea that a penis can be a female sex organ".

I knew this would be a hugely divisive subject, but I wanted to find out how widespread the issue was.

Ultimately, it has been difficult to determine the true scale of the problem because there has been little research on this topic - only one survey to my knowledge. However, those affected have told me the pressure comes from a minority of trans women, as well as activists who are not necessarily trans themselves.

They described being harassed and silenced if they tried to discuss the issue openly. I received online abuse myself when I tried to find interviewees using social media.

One of the lesbian women I spoke to, 24-year-old Amy*, told me she experienced verbal abuse from her own girlfriend, a bisexual woman who wanted them to have a threesome with a trans woman.

When Amy explained her reasons for not wanting to, her girlfriend became angry.

"The first thing she called me was transphobic," Amy said. "She immediately jumped to make me feel guilty about not wanting to sleep with someone."

She said the trans woman in question had not undergone genital surgery, so still had a penis.

"I know there is zero possibility for me to be attracted to this person," said Amy, who lives in the south west of England and works in a small print and design studio.

"I can hear their male vocal cords. I can see their male jawline. I know, under their clothes, there is male genitalia. These are physical realities, that, as a woman who likes women, you can't just ignore."

Amy said she would feel this way even if a trans woman had undergone genital surgery - which some opt for, while many don't.

Soon afterwards Amy and her girlfriend split up.

"I remember she was extremely shocked and angry, and claimed my views were extremist propaganda and inciting violence towards the trans community, as well as comparing me to far-right groups," she said.

Another lesbian woman, 26-year-old Chloe*, said she felt so pressured she ended up having penetrative sex with a trans woman at university after repeatedly explaining she was not interested.

They lived near each other in halls of residence. Chloe had been drinking alcohol and does not think she could have given proper consent.

"I felt very bad for hating every moment, because the idea is we are attracted to gender rather than sex, and I did not feel that, and I felt bad for feeling like that," she said.

Ashamed and embarrassed, she decided not to tell anyone.

"The language at the time was very much 'trans women are women, they are always women, lesbians should date them'. And I was like, that's the reason I rejected this person. Does that make me bad? Am I not going to be allowed to be in the LGBT community anymore? Am I going to face repercussions for that instead?' So I didn't actually tell anyone."

Hearing about experiences like these led one lesbian activist to begin researching the topic. Angela C. Wild is co-founder of Get The L Out, whose members believe the rights of lesbians are being ignored by much of the current LGBT movement.

She and her fellow activists have demonstrated at Pride marches in the UK, where they have faced opposition. Pride in London accused the group of "bigotry, ignorance and hate".

"Lesbians are still extremely scared to speak because they think they won't be believed, because the trans ideology is so silencing everywhere," she said.

"I thought I would be called a transphobe or that it would be wrong of me to turn down a trans woman who wanted to exchange nude pictures," one woman wrote. "Young women feel pressured to sleep with trans women 'to prove I am not a terf'."

One woman reported being targeted in an online group. "I was told that homosexuality doesn't exist and I owed it to my trans sisters to unlearn my 'genital confusion' so I can enjoy letting them penetrate me," she wrote.

One compared going on dates with trans women to so-called conversion therapy - the controversial practice of trying to change someone's sexual orientation.

"I knew I wasn't attracted to them but internalised the idea that it was because of my 'transmisogyny' and that if I dated them for long enough I could start to be attracted to them. It was DIY conversion therapy," she wrote.

Another reported a trans woman physically forcing her to have sex after they went on a date.

"[They] threatened to out me as a terf and risk my job if I refused to sleep with [them]," she wrote. "I was too young to argue and had been brainwashed by queer theory so [they were] a 'woman' even if every fibre of my being was screaming throughout so I agreed to go home with [them]. [They] used physical force when I changed my mind upon seeing [their] penis and raped me."

While welcomed by some in the LGBT community, Angela's report was described as transphobic by others.

"[People said] we are worse than rapists because we [supposedly] try to frame every trans woman as a rapist," said Angela.

"This is not the point. The point is that if it happens we need to speak about it. If it happens to one woman it's wrong. As it turns out it happens to more than one woman."

Trans YouTuber Rose of Dawn has discussed the issue on her channelin a video called "Is Not Dating Trans People 'Transphobic'?"

"This is something I've seen happen in real life to friends of mine. This was happening before I actually started my channel and it was one of the things that spurred it on," said Rose.

"What's happening is women who are attracted to biological females and female genitalia are finding themselves put in very awkward positions, where if for example on a dating website a trans woman approaches them and they say 'sorry I'm not into trans women', then they are labelled as transphobic."

Rose made the video in response to a series of tweets bytrans athlete Veronica Ivy, then known as Rachel McKinnon,whowrote about hypothetical scenarioswhere trans people are rejected, and argued that "genital preferences" are transphobic.

I asked Veronica Ivy if she would speak to me but she did not want to.

Rose believes views like this are "incredibly toxic". She believes the idea that dating preferences are transphobic is being pushed by radical trans activists and their "self-proclaimed allies", who have extreme views which don't reflect the views of trans women she knows in real life.

"Certainly from my own friends group, the trans women I'm friends with, almost all of them agree lesbians are free to exclude trans women from their dating pool," she said.

However, she believes even trans people are afraid to talk openly about this for fear of abuse.

"People like me receive quite a lot of abuse from trans activists and their allies," she said.

"The trans activist side is incredibly rabid against people who they see as stepping out of line."

Debbie Hayton, a science teacher who transitioned in 2012 andwrites about trans issues, worries some people transition without realising how hard it will be to form relationships.

Although there is currently little data on the sexual orientation of trans women, she believes most are female-attracted because they are biologically male and most males are attracted to women.

"So when they [trans women] are trying to find partners, when lesbian women say 'we want women', and heterosexual women say they want a heterosexual man, that leaves trans women isolated from relationships, and possibly feeling very let down by society, angry, upset and feeling that the world is out to get them," she said.

Debbie thinks it's fine if a lesbian woman does not want to date a trans woman, but is concerned some are being pressured to do so.

"The way that shaming is used is just horrific; it's emotional manipulation and warfare going on," she said.

"These women who want to form relationships with other biological women are feeling bad about that. How did we get here?"

Stonewall is the largest LGBT organisation in the UK and Europe. I asked the charity about these issues but it was unable to provide anyone for interview. However, in a statement, chief executive Nancy Kelley likened not wanting to date trans people to not wanting to date people of colour, fat people, or disabled people.

She said: "Sexuality is personal and something which is unique to each of us. There is no 'right' way to be a lesbian, and only we can know who we're attracted to.

"Nobody should ever be pressured into dating, or pressured into dating people they aren't attracted to. But if you find that when dating, you are writing off entire groups of people, like people of colour, fat people, disabled people or trans people, then it's worth considering how societal prejudices may have shaped your attractions.

"We know that prejudice is still common in the LGBT+ community, and it's important that we can talk about that openly and honestly."

OP’s posts: |
PurgatoryOfPotholes Wed 27-Oct-21 13:34:04

BBC article, Part 2

Stonewall was founded in 1989 by people opposed to what was known as Section 28 -legislation which stopped councils and schools from "promoting" homosexuality. The organisation originally focused on issues affecting lesbian, gay and bisexual people, thenin 2015 announced it would campaign for "trans equality".

A new group - LGB Alliance - has been formed partly in response toStonewall's change of focus, by people who believe the interests of LGB people are being left behind.

"It's fair to say that I didn't expect to have to fight for these rights again, the rights of people whose sexual orientation is towards people of the same sex," said co-founder Bev Jackson, who also co-founded the UK Gay Liberation Front in 1970.

"We sort of thought that battle had been won and it's quite frightening and quite horrifying that we have to fight that battle again."

LGB Alliance says it is particularly concerned about younger and therefore more vulnerable lesbians being pressured into relationships with trans women.

"It's very disturbing that you find people saying 'It doesn't happen, nobody pressures anybody to go to bed with anybody else', but we know this is not the case," said Ms Jackson.

"We know a minority, but still a sizeable minority of trans women, do pressure lesbians to go out with them and have sex with them and it's a very disturbing phenomenon."

I asked Ms Jackson how she knew a "sizeable minority" of trans women were doing this.

She said: "We don't have figures but we are frequently contacted by lesbians who relate their experience in LGBT groups and on dating sites."

Why does she think there has been so little research?

"I certainly think research on this topic would be discouraged, presumably because it would be characterised as a deliberately discriminatory project," she said.

"But also, the girls and young women themselves, since it's likely the shyest and least experienced young women who are the victims of such encounters, would be loath to discuss them."

LGB Alliance has been described as a hate group, anti-trans and transphobic. However, Ms Jackson insists the group is none of these things, and includes trans people among its supporters.

"This word transphobia has been placed like a dragon in the path to stop discussion about really important issues," she said.

"It's hurtful to our trans supporters, it's hurtful to all our supporters, to be called a hate group when we're the least hateful people you can find."

The term "cotton ceiling" is sometimes used when discussing these issues, but it is controversial.

It stems from"glass ceiling", which refers to an invisible barrier preventing women from climbing to the top of the career ladder. Cotton is a reference to women's underwear, with the phrase intended to represent the difficulty some trans women feel they face when seeking relationships or sex. "Breaking the cotton ceiling" means being able to have sex with a woman.

The term is first thought to have been used in 2012 by a trans porn actress going by the name of Drew DeVeaux. She no longer works in the industry and I have not been able to contact her. However, I spoke to a former porn performer and director who believes she inspired DeVeaux to use it.

Lily Cade, who worked in the industry for 10 years, went by the label "Porn Valley's Gold Star Lesbian" because she only ever had sex with other women.

Lily was asked to do a scene with DeVeaux in Toronto and initially agreed after looking at photos of her. But she backed out in advance after discovering online that she was a trans woman.

"My sex drive was oriented towards women," said Lily. "I couldn't see past the fact that what I was interacting with was male genitalia altered by surgery and not the reproductive organ of a female ape, and I just couldn't get past that."

Feeling guilty, Lily sent DeVeaux an email in which she apologised for being "the worst girl in the whole history of the world".

"I felt really bad about the way that I felt about this, but I did feel that way. I made the choice to say something about it and to back out," she said.

Lily said she was criticised on Twitter at the time, but only among "very fringe queer porno people". However, the concept of the cotton ceiling came to wider attention when it was used in the title of a workshop by Planned Parenthood Toronto.

The title of the workshop was: "Overcoming the Cotton Ceiling: Breaking Down Sexual Barriers for Queer Trans Women", and the description explained how participants would "work together to identify barriers, strategize ways to overcome them, and build community".

It was led by a trans writer and artist who later went to work for Stonewall (the organisation has asked the BBC not to name her because of safeguarding concerns).

"I thought it was kind of gross," said Lily. "The language is gross because you are evoking the metaphor of the glass ceiling, which is about women being oppressed. So saying that if someone doesn't want to have sex with you that person is oppressing you."

The trans woman who led the workshop declined to speak to the BBC, but Planned Parenthood Toronto stood by its decision to hold the workshop.

In a statement sent to the BBC, executive director Sarah Hobbs said the workshop "was never intended to advocate or promote overcoming any individual woman's objections to sexual activity". Instead, she said the workshop explored "the ways in which ideologies of transphobia and transmisogyny impact sexual desire".

In addition to Veronica Ivy, I contacted several other high profile trans women who have either written or spoken about sex and relationships. None of them wanted to speak to me but my editors and I felt it was important to reflect some of their views in this piece.

In a video which has now been deleted, YouTuber Riley J Dennis argued that dating "preferences" are discriminatory.

She asked: "Would you date a trans person, honestly? Think about it for a second. OK, got your answer? Well if you said no, I'm sorry but that's pretty discriminatory."

She explained: "I think the main concern that people have in regards to dating a trans person is that they won't have the genitals that they expect. Because we associate penises with men and vaginas with women, some people think they could never date a trans man with a vagina or a trans woman with a penis.

"But I think that people are more than their genitals. I think you can feel attraction to someone without knowing what's between their legs. And if you were to say that you're only attracted to people with vaginas or people with penises it really feels like you are reducing people just to their genitals."

Another YouTuber, Danielle Piergallini, made a video titled"The Cotton Ceiling: Transphobia, Sex, and Dating (but not transsexuals)".

She said: "I want to talk about the idea that there are a number of people out there who say they're not attracted to trans people, and I think that that is transphobic because any time you're making a broad generalised statement about a group of people that's typically not coming from a good place."

However, she added: "If there is a trans woman who is pre-op and somebody doesn't want to date them because they don't have the genitals that match their preference, that's obviously understandable."

Novelist and poet Roz Kaveney wrote an article called"Some Thoughts on the Cotton Ceiling"and another called"More Cotton Ceiling".

"What is always going on is an assumption that the person is the current status of their bits, and the history of their bits," she wrote in the first article.

"Which is about as reductive a model of sexual attraction as I can imagine."

While this debate was once seen as a fringe issue, most of the interviewees who spoke to me said it has become prominent in recent years because of social media.

Ani O'Brien, spokeswoman for a New Zealand group called Speak Up For Women, created aTikTok video aimed at younger lesbians.

Ani, who is 30, told the BBC she is concerned for the generation of lesbians who are now in their teens.

"What we are seeing is a regression where once again young lesbians are being told 'How do you know you don't like dick if you haven't tried it?'" she said.

"We get told we should be looking beyond genitals and should accept that someone says they are a woman, and that's not what homosexuality is.

"You don't see as many trans men interested in gay men so they don't get it [the pressure] as much, but you do see a lot of trans women who are interested in women, so we are disproportionately affected by it."

Ani believes these kind of messages are confusing for young lesbians.

"I remember being a teenager in the closet and trying desperately to be straight, and that was hard enough," she said.

"I can't imagine what it would have been like, if I'd finally come to terms with the fact I was gay, to then be faced with the idea that some male bodies are not male so they must be lesbian, and having to contend with that as well."

Ani says she gets contacted on Twitter by young lesbians who do not know how to exit a relationship with a trans woman.

"They tried to do the right thing and they gave them a chance, and realised that they are a lesbian and they didn't want to be with someone with a male body, and the concept of transphobia and bigotry is used as an emotional weapon, that you can't leave because otherwise you're a transphobe," she said.

Like others who have voiced their concerns, Ani has received abuse online.

"I've been incited to kill myself, I've had rape threats," she said. However, she says she is determined to keep speaking out.

"A really important thing for us to do is to be able to talk these things through. Shutting down these conversations and calling them bigotry is really unhelpful, and it shouldn't be beyond our ability to have hard conversations about some of these things."

*The BBC has changed the names of some of those featured in this article to protect their identities.

OP’s posts: |
PurgatoryOfPotholes Wed 27-Oct-21 13:35:40

I think there are a lot of issues to discuss there.

OP’s posts: |
Sophoclesthefox Wed 27-Oct-21 13:36:45

Link to the first thread.

Thanks for starting a new thread, purgatory! This is a very interesting story.

BloodinGutters Wed 27-Oct-21 13:40:04

I know a lot of people who I doubt know anything about the democratic republic of Congo.

Is it super unfair that I tell them it’s termed the rape capital of the world? Or that journalists report on how the government uses rape as a weapon of war so it’s legal for soldiers to rape women or abduct girls to be sex slaves.

Is it super unfair that the first thing people might hear or read about this country is terrifying and not about beautiful scenery or something. Are journalists irresponsible for not getting testimonies of women in drc who haven’t been raped or that they don’t include NAMIDRCALT? Bad bad journos missing the nuance.

Just because the bbc article might be the first thing anyone reads about ‘translesbians’ matters not a fuck.

ErrolTheDragon Wed 27-Oct-21 13:41:10

And for completeness, I guess we'd better have a link to the original article as it's difficult to find with the oddly indexed crappy search on the bbc website.

'We're being pressured into sex by some trans women'

BloodinGutters Wed 27-Oct-21 13:43:54

* DRC was random example btw. I know very little outside of a few articles I’ve read/watched a bit on the news. So self confessed non expert.


Zebradanio Wed 27-Oct-21 13:44:05

That is an interesting article. Thanks for posting.

RedToothBrush Wed 27-Oct-21 13:45:11

Premise of the article:
Lesbians say they are being pressured by individuals and institutions to sleep with males.

LGB Alliance response:
"It's very disturbing that you find people saying 'It doesn't happen, nobody pressures anybody to go to bed with anybody else', but we know this is not the case"

Stonewall response to the article:
"Nobody should ever be pressured into dating, or pressured into dating people they aren't attracted to. But if you find that when dating, you are writing off entire groups of people, like people of colour, fat people, disabled people or trans people, then it's worth considering how societal prejudices may have shaped your attractions.

So the LGBA acknowledge the disturbing problem and guilt tripping of lesbians to go to bed with males. Stonewall say no one should be pressured whilst simultaneously applying pressure to examine whether you really are adverse to the idea of heteosexual sex.

Thus demostrating the entire premise of the article to be valid...

Stonewall are all the proof you need that the premise of the article is true.

It is happening at an insititutional level which is scarier than the individual cases detailed. Because it facilitates the silencing of individuals by holding a power that anyone who speaks up should be re educated or even punished.

heathspeedwell Wed 27-Oct-21 13:45:16

"We're being pressured into sex by some transwomen."

Caroline Lowbridge could equally have written an article about the fact that some transwomen pressure their wives or girlfriends into sex acts that the women do not want or enjoy.

The experience of many trans widows is further evidence that males who identify as trans can retain an extremely male-pattern entitled attitude to sex.

When my ex decided he was trans, he acted like his new status gave him permission to coerce me into doing things I had no desire to do. (MODS: he later detransitioned so male pronouns are appropriate).

He embarrassed a couple of our lesbian friends asking for threesomes (that they obviously didn't want). He later became interested in sissification.

If you're absolutely terrified that the person you love might commit suicide, it creates a massive imbalance of power in the relationship which leaves the door wide open for manipulation and abuse.

I think this is another aspect of the debate that could do with a lot more sunlight. I hope that the BBC give Caroline the support she needs to carry on with her brave journalism.

Helleofabore Wed 27-Oct-21 13:48:27

"Nobody should ever be pressured into dating, or pressured into dating people they aren't attracted to. But if you find that when dating, you are writing off entire groups of people, like people of colour, fat people, disabled people or trans people, then it's worth considering how societal prejudices may have shaped your attractions.


Every time I read it.

PurgatoryOfPotholes Wed 27-Oct-21 13:51:19

Another article!


My experience of what I'm seeing on the gay scene is that there are lots of very young lesbians, some very vulnerable at just 14, 15 or 16-years-old, who are obviously not attracted to biological men - hence they're lesbians - who are being coerced into dating trans women.

Lucy continued: 'I'm a 43-year-old woman and can tell someone to f* off, whereas young lesbians, who are just coming out of the closest and want to be a part of the community - the gay community which has become the queer community - which is dominated by straight's those people I really worry for.

It's those people who are being coerced, just like the article says, into having sex with people they don't want to have sex with because they want to fit in.'

Discussing more of her personal experiences, Lucy noted how she was banned from Hinge after she said she was only interested in people who were 'biologically female.'

She set up her profile to 'women seeking women', and found every third or fourth match was a trans-woman.

Lucy altered her profile to read: 'All I ask is that you be on time, don’t moan about me getting overly involved in Love Island and that you’re a biological female.'

After declaring her preference, she was then permanently banned from the app for ‘transphobia’.

'It was clear that a number of people had complained about my profile saying I was transphobic,' she said. 'You need to remember this is 2020. I'd been out of the closest since I was 16. When I was 16 I could happily say I'm a lesbian and same-sex attracted and that I'd only sleep with women.

'Now, I can't say that and if I do, I'm accused of being a bigot and a transphobe which just seems crazy to me that as a 43-year-old woman, I'm less safe now to say I'm same-sex attracted than I was when I was 16.'


OP’s posts: |
NotTerfNorCis Wed 27-Oct-21 13:53:54

Sexual orientation is ultimately about bodies. This is why gay people suffer in societies that won't accept them. They can end up being forced into sexual relationships which just can't work. It's the same for a lesbian (woman attracted to females). Unless she's bisexual, she won't want a sexual relationship with a male person.

PurgatoryOfPotholes Wed 27-Oct-21 13:55:29


I'm so sorry for what you've been put through. flowers

Thank you for sharing that and educating those who aren't aware of this dimension to it all.

OP’s posts: |
Zebradanio Wed 27-Oct-21 13:57:23

People are entitled to write off whoever they want when it comes to sexual partners and dating. For whatever reasons they want.

CharlieParley Wed 27-Oct-21 14:04:15

There was not one comment from our regular pro-self-id contributors and new ones willing to defend lesbians and call out the LGBT community for sweeping this issue under the carpet.

1000 comment thread and not one pro-self-id poster said unequivocally it is perfectly acceptable for lesbians to a) be exclusively same-sex attracted and to b) assert their sexual boundaries against all males, including those who identify as trans and c) they deserve the protection of the LGBT community and LGBT organisations if and when they do so.

Instead we had ad-hominem against the journalist and the survivors who told their stories, we had whataboutery on a pathetic scale. Oh if the coercion of female homosexuals by male transgender people happens, it cannot be often, so why are you even discussing this and in any case, here's an even rarer instance of a predatory homosexual female, why aren't you discussing that instead? We had denial, dismissal and my absolute favourite - lesbians talking about being raped by male members of the trans community are bringing male members of the trans community into disrepute which will be used to argue that male members of the trans community should be subject to the same safeguarding rules as all other males.

No shit Sherlock.

FindTheTruth Wed 27-Oct-21 14:09:40

Responses show the hostile climate for lesbians in the UK.

- Stonewall, Britains foremost LGBT organisation is calling sexual orientation a prejudice

- Guardian Owen Jones (gay man) dismissed lesbian testimonies as conspiratorial hate by anti-trans activists

- Novara Media Ash Sarkar (straight woman) likening lesbians who reject trans-identifed men to racists

- Independent Adam Smith calling victims testimonies propaganda

- David Paisley Actor (gay man) -telling his 35k followers to sign an open letter of complaint and to complain to the BBC, and to progress to Ofcom

- Jo Maugham (straight man) - says the testimonies are ugly stories and bigoted hate speech

If you want to support lesbians and compliment the BBC for finally telling this story after over half a decade, see links in this thread

Realityisreal Wed 27-Oct-21 14:11:27

My daughter is a lesbian and suffers greatly with anxiety, she has friends who are trans and is very supportive of them, she also contacted Stonewall when at school (she's at university now) to help educate staff on Trans issues.
I'm very concerned, given her very nervous and kind nature that she could easily be coerced if someone suggested she was a transphobe if she didn't sleep with/ have a relationship with them, especially now that Stonewall appears to say that her sexual preference is down to 'social prejudice'
I have asked her what she would do if she was getting intimate with a partner and they had a penis which she hadn't expected and didn't want, she said she'd rehearsed a response and would say something akin to 'No thank you.'
It's sad that I felt the need for the conversation, and sad that she already rehearsed a response to the scenario.

RoseisMadder Wed 27-Oct-21 14:21:44

Finally finished reading the previous thread!
To those who commented against the article for your multitude of misogynistic reasons; have you considered that the reason public reaction has been so negative is due to ‘no debate’ MAYBE if we’d have been able to openly discuss the issues women have with self ID, accepting males as female, that would have raised awareness and therefore the public would already know what was happening.
The reason this is so big is because of NO DEBATE!

Anyway, I’m bloody overjoyed, relieved at the sunlight

LaetitiaASD Wed 27-Oct-21 14:23:34

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

bordersroaming Wed 27-Oct-21 14:32:18


Well not speaking for bisexuals

If as a bisexual you are also someone who disputes the significance of gender identity then I guess you would be highly unlikely to be able to respect a transperson enough to want a relationship

Which is more like asking if an atheist would date a born again Christian

Possible clearly but you wouldn't accuse one or other of hateful hideous "isms" , you'd expect their choices to be respected

Clymene Wed 27-Oct-21 14:32:21

I think you can rule out anyone from your dating pool for any reason whatsoever. I don't think it is possible to mandate for or against sexual attraction, nor is it remotely desirable.

Some of our sexual attraction is undoubtedly driven by what society tells us is attractive but actually it's a lot more complex than that. If it was all about social pressure, homosexuality wouldn't exist.

That said, for an organisation that absolutely rejects the notion that social contagion is behind ROGD, it's really inconsistent that now they're saying it's behind sexual attraction.

Still, trans activism being illogical and inconsistent is nothing new!

Realityisreal Wed 27-Oct-21 14:33:37

People have the right to refuse to date anyone and everyone.

Vanishun Wed 27-Oct-21 14:34:08

Anyone who looks at that article and goes on to attack the lesbians in it instead of listening and addressing the problems they are discussing is a total abusive fuckwit.

Beamur Wed 27-Oct-21 14:36:12

Sexual attraction is discriminatory. I rule out large swathes of people from my potential dating pool. No women, only a specific age range, similar level of education, compatible hobbies, no one with strict religious adherence, no one with addiction issues, physical attraction/values, etc all have to line up. Telling anyone, male or female that you can't do this is nonsense.

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