Oh my god. Think my mugshot must be pinned to the counter in Boots

Omg. I am definitely watching this thread! That's wonderful.

I could share some of my own but they'd be outing...

bet you've made her day though.

I was all smiley and chirpy as well 🤦🏽‍♀️

love it!

😂

😂😂

I wouldn't worry, I've done far worse.

I had a hospital appointment & popped into the hospital cafe for a sandwich as I arrived early. I wanted a tuna sandwich but "id like a sex sandwich please" was what came out of my mouth. I was mortified, especially as it was a guy serving, somehow I managed to keep a straight face & repeat with Tuna as if that was what I'd said the first time. I avoided that cafe for a while after that 😂

I picked up condoms and lube in superdrug, got to the counter and my thoughts were full of bleaching my hair later for a new colour going on, put my condoms and lube down on the counter and asked the young assistant if they had any heavy duty latex gloves as I really dont fancy getting it all over my hands as it would sting my papercut- she eyeballs the condoms and lube and looked at me in horror, stammers out that she will fetch someone to show me. I didnt click, until I was being led up another isle and hoots of laughter are drifting over from the tills. I was trying to explain to her I was on about bleaching my hair later but she was trying (and failing) to keep a straight face. I dont use that superdrug now

I once phoned the hairdresser and asked if she could book me in for a cut and blow job 🤣🤣

Sometimes the inside of your head gets ahead of you. I remember when I had a Saturday job in a shop as a teenager, a woman carefully and laboriously signed her credit card authorisation (no chip and pin then!) in lovely handwriting with the words “Looking for dad.” She’d been thinking about a TV programme she’d just watched and that was its name She was incredibly embarrassed!

My mum's great at this. She once asked a travel agent if the accommodation was "co-educational" when she meant "self-catered".

RockinHippy I can't stop laughing, you've made my day! 😂

Some of these are hilarious 😂

I just laughed out loud at this - brilliant!!!

My Mum reverses things all the time.

"Would you like a cake-cup?"

"Excuse me, where are the toilet's ladies please?"

That is hilarious😂😂 I cheerfully said “Thanks Pamela, see you next week” to one of my clients last week. She gave me a funny look but I thought nothing of it. Took me til the next day to realize her name is Caroline🤦🏻‍♀️😂

@Heaviestdirtyestsoul

Heaviestdirtyestsoul - Brilliant :-)

Years ago working on the tills my workmate turned to the customer she was serving and instead of asking if he wanted any cashback she just said "come back"
I'm giggling just thinking about it

I asked an assistant in Tesco where I could find tooth picks when in fact I meant cocktail sticks. Then I looked at her like she had 2 heads when she directed me towards the dental care section.

My boyfriend looked a bit perturbed when my (religious) mum announced to a group of my extended family that he was bisexual. She meant ambidextrous.

have been feeling ridiculously, horribly anxious all morning and this is the first thing that has distracted me and made me laugh out loud. thanks everyone!!

Buying a lottery ticket I asked for a lucky dick, the girl at the Kiosk just looked at me and we both burst out laughing.

I have a few where I reverse the first syllables of words.

Years ago in France I was pleased to see that decent condoms were much cheaper than in the UK, so each time I popped into the large Monoprix supermarket I'd stop by the pharmacy and get another few boxes of 10

Since we were self catering I was in there a lot and must have bought 100 or more over the week ... and then by chance my (admittedly rather hunky) ex was with me on the final day

The look he got from the till lady was , shall we say, admiring ...