Oh my god. Think my mugshot must be pinned to the counter in Boots

[GeneralClassification]

I needed to buy first aid bits and bobs to take on holiday. Popped into Boots and it was one of the mega sized ones, so I asked an assistant.

What I meant to say was ‘where do you keep the first aid things?’

What I did say was ‘where are the air traffic controllers?’

😭😭😭

She actually backed away from me 😭

[busybee987]

in actual tears of laughter here 😂😂

[Nanasueathome]

I used to work in the 999 emergency service, taking 999 calls and then connecting to the appropriate service
One of my colleagues asked a caller if they required the police, fire brigade or the All Blacks (NZ rugby team)

[beckywiththecraphair]

I worked with a guy called Michael Horne, one time I had to make a call on his behalf and when the person answered I said "Hello, I have Michael here with a horn for you"

[Slippershoes]

It was my last day in a shop job once and I was serving a customer. He held his hand out for the change and I thought he was holding it out for a handshake, so obviously I obliged

[Tighnabruaich]

Hoppinggreen with the hamster/hedghog - my shoulders are shaking here like Ted Heath!

I think I've shared this one before. My mum's best friend was called Bridie. One day in town my mum saw a woman in the distance that she though was Bridie, but when she drew nearer saw that it was just someone the same kind of shape and build.

She said to me, 'so as it turned out it was just The Bride of Buildie'.

[ThatCurlyGirl]

@Heaviestdirtyestsoul I've had the shittiest day so far - managed to have a seizure during a counselling session, but you made me properly laugh out loud with your post and I'm feeling so much brighter for it - thank you!

[Poochnewbie]

I was mortified when my dad proudly announced he’d been taking his viagra...he meant vitamins...

[ThatCurlyGirl]

Oh my god @Constantlurker thank you to you too that is an AMAZING blunder! You deserve a treat - crack one off to congratulate yourself for being so funny!

[ThatCurlyGirl]

Fuck it, these are ALL brilliant!

MN I vote for classics this thread is such a good one to cheer people up, haven't laughed at a thread so much ever I don't think!

[DtPeabodysLoosePants]

I asked a Tesco employee if they had any porn for copping instead of corn for popping. It was Christmas and we were making a cranberry and popcorn garland
He was not amused.

[Geekster1963]

[spiderlight]

Very nice man I met while out walking the dog one evening this spring - 'What are these flowers called?'
Me, in my head - 'Lady's Smock. Also known as Cuckoo Flower.'
Me, out loud - 'Lady's Cock.'

Another time, walking our very old dog, we met a vair posh lady with a similarly ancient dog. She asked how old ours was and I said he was 15. She replied 'Well, mine's 16!' , to which I cheerfully responded 'Oooh - competitive old-age dogging!'

[MadamBatty]

I asked in the railway station for a quick pick with a plus.


A few years ago my return ticket for the heathrow express wouldn’t go through the machine. Cue employee trying to get it to work, then his boss. I got a little irate & said I risked missing my flight. They let me through. On the train I realized it was my airport parking ticket

[ineedcoffeecoffeecoffee]

I just covered my 2 year olds head in spat out reading this. 😂 the poor thing is fast asleep covered in my tea slobber 🤣

[HeadintheiClouds]

You spat out your drink on your two year old’s head? Nothing’s that funny

[Instagran]

I've just had a horribly embarrassing encounter this morning. I love Hairy Growler jewellery. I was at the vets this morning and spotted the receptionist's necklace. I actually leaned forward to have a closer look and uttered the words "Oh, have you got a Hairy Growler?" whilst at the same time realising it wasn't Of course if she had got Hairy Growler necklace she wouldn't have batted an eyelid but she looked horrified. I then tried to explain but I think I just made things worse! I think I'm going to have to find another vets. Wondering whether I should email the vets a link to the website just so they know I'm not a complete pervert! I'm so mortified!

[RockinHippy]

Porn for copping just had me choke on my coffee 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

[Heaviestdirtyestsoul]

Absolute gold dust, loving these! Why do they stay with us and cause awkward blushing still after so long?

[TurnAroundWhenPossible]

Many years ago I worked in a hospital and had the serious hots for a young House Officer who worked on my unit. One day I was bustling about getting things ready for an out-patient clinic when he came in with a couple of colleagues, they were having a laugh about something. "Oh sorry" he said "didn't men to disturb you". I meant to say "don't mind me, just getting stuff ready" what I actually said was "Don't marry me, I'm not ready." Another time I fell flat on my face in front of him, while trying to act cool and missed a step. He probably thought I was very strange.

[OddHoleySocks]

have you got a hairy growler

That just about ended me. The cat is looking at me quite perplexed.

[LadyRannaldini]

The numer of times I was called Mum by some 6 foot Year 11 boy who then blushed profusely.

[WhatTheWatersShowedMe]

I was working in a horrible telesales job for a while. During this time, I was at the pub with DH one night and it was my turn to go to the bar.

What my brain wanted to say to the barmaid: "Two pints of Amstel, please!"

What my mouth actually said: "Hi, I'm Water from American Life! Is it okay to talk to you for a few minutes about our Well Woman policy?"

I was so embarrassed I'd have crawled up my own bumhole to escape.

[iknowimcoming]

This may be a real thing but yesterday me and dd were in super drug and we passed a lady telling a member of staff she was there 'about the swimming lessons' .......

[anitagreen]

On the phone to a company before I was trying to spell out the postcode of where my parcel needed to go couldn't think of anything for B so what came out was erm B for blowjob sorry I meant Brian. Embarrassing

[WhamBamThankyouHam]

Haha Love that OP!

Few weeks ago at work I meant to ask a Customer if they wanted to pay contactless, but instead I asked if they wanted some contact lenses