Oh my god. Think my mugshot must be pinned to the counter in Boots

[GeneralClassification]

I needed to buy first aid bits and bobs to take on holiday. Popped into Boots and it was one of the mega sized ones, so I asked an assistant.

What I meant to say was ‘where do you keep the first aid things?’

What I did say was ‘where are the air traffic controllers?’

😭😭😭

She actually backed away from me 😭

Wonderful! It beats me showing my front door key to a ticket collector once at a station.

"TALL MAN!"

Crying. 😂🤣

Years ago in France I was pleased to see that decent condoms were much cheaper than in the UK,

Yes, we used to do a "fag and condom" run to Calais about once a quarter...

@jaggynettle That made me laugh so loud my office wondered what i was reading. Haven't laughed that much since I read the thread with Boil in the vag curries

Thanks Mumsnet - certainly brightened up a dull Tuesday lunchtime

I once opened the door to the postman and just said "chicken". He backed away too. I was part way through a conversation with my daughter and the next word was going to be chicken but I've no idea why I said it to the postman.

On meeting a solicitor to sign something off my dh looked down as they were shaking hands, and being a little nervous instead of saying good afternoon, said ' Nobbly knees '. ! !

I said 'Orgasm' instead of 'Organism' in a presentation in front of a room full of people when I was a student nurse

ConstantLurker that is HILARIOUS! I’m proper laughing at that!

The other week in work there was a task needing done with a patient and I had finished my shift but went ahead and done it as I’d been with them all day and knew the process etc. The guy on the next shift was at the nurses station as I came out and instead of “cheers” or “thanks” he came out with “chanks for that” it’s not even that funny but I howled the whole way home.

Tall man has made my day.

😂😂😂 Crying at these

Slightly off topic, but on the note of delivery drivers.

Was in the bath once, but waiting in for a very important parcel.

Doorbell rang. Hop out of the bath, put dressing gown on. Turns out to be Virgin Media, unannounced. Give them the short shrift.

Get back in bath, three minutes later, doorbell rings again. Hop out, put dressing gown on. Open door - it's the postie!

He says: 'Oh, hope I didn't catch you at a bad time.'

I say: 'That's okay, I don't mind getting out of the bath...for you.'

(meaning in comparison with the Virgin Media man, but why would he know this?)

dies

TALL MAN!!!! HAHA!!!!!

I rescued a hedgehog once. Went to pets at home to buy it some food MSN’s had a nice long chat with the assistant about it and how spiky it was and how we were hoping to be able to release it soon etc etc
He looked very confused - as we left DD pointed out that instead of the word “hedgehog “ I had used “hamster” the whole time!

The worst bit (and probably the reason for the mix up) was the fact that we were standing next to the hamsters the whole time
“I know you don’t have them here because they are wild animals but I thought you might know something about them anyway” and so on

Years ago we had a cereal rep whose name was Swarbrick.
One day he phoned and I called across the yard to my DH that Mr Smallprick was on the phone......I hid every time he turned up from that day onwards.

Omg tall man 😂 made my day

@GeneralClassification
I am literally crying here at the mental image you've just conjured up, that poor Amazon driver lmao!
These are brilliant lol

I remember going to sainsburys and my friend had mentions fengal bath stuff and how nice it was. Couldn't see it or if they sold it.
Asked this young guy maybe 16/17 yrs old, where it was. He was so pleased with himself. As he said. Yep. I know where that is..
We Followed him, only for him to present me with Femfresh! He gave me the choice of, wash, spray or wipes.
My friend was crying. He joyfully asked if there was anything else I needed
I just said it's OK I think you've covered it.

Nope sainsburys didn't sell fengal bath oil.

"tall man" and "crack one off" have me giggling like a loon!

Why the heck has that tagged GeneralClassification?! It was meant to be WoofWoof

Standing in the queue to buy tickets at the cinema. My turn comes and I ask the woman ‘two tickets to see Italian blow job’ I was highly embarrassed is an understatement

One I have mentioned before on MN: DH was once trying to think of the phrase "soul patch" (little bit of beard under the bottom lip) and instead came out with "jazz moustache".

I once strolled up to the bar and asked for a pint of spider. Thing is, I had an acquaintance at the time who was known as Spider, and two mutual friends were with me and spent the rest of the lunchbreak speculating about how long it would take him to fill a pint glass...

My husband works for pizza hut. One early evening and no kids I decided to try the whole naff pizza boy porn thing. So ordered, he said he would deliver, got into my best undies and a thin silky dressing gown and waited by the door.

The doorbell goes and I figure he's playing along so I boldly open the door with everything on show and say so pizza and desert.......

Cue horrified looking teen who says pizza, throws it on my hand and runs.

Cue text message from hubby saying just to warn you I'm busy in store so I've sent the new kid to deliver, be nice it's his first night and he's super shy.

Hhhhhhmmmmmm nice pizza though

Oh jeez Ex