Oh my god. Think my mugshot must be pinned to the counter in Boots

[GeneralClassification]

I needed to buy first aid bits and bobs to take on holiday. Popped into Boots and it was one of the mega sized ones, so I asked an assistant.

What I meant to say was ‘where do you keep the first aid things?’

What I did say was ‘where are the air traffic controllers?’

😭😭😭

She actually backed away from me 😭

I work at an animal feeds place. One of the horse feeds is called “Happy Hoof”. I mistakenly asked a customer if she wanted a bag of Happy Foof as usual... she howled with laughter and has been asking for a bag of Happy Foof since!

Mine was a while ago but I cringe when I think of it! We have a security radio at work that we have to sign in and out of each day that links to all the other businesses in town so we can all hear if anyone has any problems etc. Picked it up at the end of a long shift to sign out, and instead of saying "hello security" I said "hey Google" in the special weird deep voice I reserve to get my Google home to actually listen to me put the radio down and just stared at it in horror. I literally couldn't say anything else through tears of cry laughter, even when poor security responded asking if all was ok, I has to ask my collegue

This thread is brilliant.
When I was 17 I worked in a supermarket and if I was serving someone alcohol, because I was underage, I had to ask a colleague to ok it. The code was 66, so I would say to them "Can I have a 66 please?" And they would check the person looked 18 and agree or disagree. Well, of course one day it was going to happen, I loudly and confidently turned to the woman working behind me and asked "Can I have a 69 please?" Her face 😂😂 hilarious,but also mortfiying at the time.

Oh and another from working in a supermarket. Different shop and I was about 19 at the time. I had 2 male managers who were pretty good looking and only a few years older than me. I had a bit of a crush on them both actually. They asked me to do something with a large box that was on a pallet next to them and I asked "so you want me to just pull it off then?" They both burst into laughter and said something along the lines of "well, there's a question..." I definitely blushed that time

This thread is really making me miss human interaction!

OMG, the hissing & the slappy fart - I'm crying with laughter. Thank you, thank you!

Oh, page 19 is a joy as well.

The mournful shirt one reminds me that I was only just saved from putting my foot in it once...

In the local supermarket, DH & I met a man we knew & he was looking a bit stressed. I asked him how he was & he said he'd just lost his wife. I composed my face into the right expression & was about to say, "I'm so sorry," when he spotted her in a nearby aisle.

And the 'back passage' one reminds me of an occasion at work, when the receptionist announced over the tannoy that there was a problem 'in the lower front bottom car park'.

Coming back to read

A male friend of mine, dining alone in Germany asked the middle aged waitress for the menu in German, but instead of asking for the Speisekarte he ask her for Vorspiel (foreplay), she wasnt impressed!

SIS speech therapy? dyselxia?

a male friend? ;)

This has just made me howl with laughter. Thank you!

I once went to swipe my Oyster card in its blue plastic wallet on the bus (in London when they first came in) and couldn’t understand why it wasn’t scanning, there was a queue building up behind me, and after a fair few goes and the driver and other people leaning forward to look/help I realised I was swiping a spare sanitary towel in its greeny-blue plastic wrapping😳

I popped into a pharmacy to pick up a prescription, the assistant told me it would be a half an hour wait. I said "We will come back later to pick it up." It was only after I left that I realised what I said as my husband was waiting in the car. 🙃

I don't understand this at all. Am I missing something?

She said "we" but she was on her own as her husband was in the car.

I was working in a newsagents that was next door to a takeaway. At lunch time the boys from the nearby schools would come in to buy sweets having already bought chips next door. The aroma of chips was wonderful. One day having just started a diet I was so tempted to buy chips after work. I was alternating between being 'good' and saying "it's just a few chips". Anyway, shift over I decided I was getting chips. I opened the door of the takeaway and shouted in "NO!" as I decided to be good! The staff looked up startled as I made a hasty exit

I worked for a car hire company for my first job and when a customer called in I said oh yes your Hiace is ready; pronouncing it to rhyme with apache. Took the sods I worked with months to tell me it’s a Toyota Hi-Ace 🙈

This thread always makes me smile. I was once working at a cafe and someone asked for a coke. For some reason I stared at them and said ‘do you mean the drink?’
I’ve literally never done drugs in my life.

appointment with the headmaster of my daughters school, good afternoon mr Rowbottom, departed with thank you Mr Bottom.

I had just moved towns and was going to a wedding so decided to treat myself to a spray tan , I’d never had one before . The beautician told me to remove my clothes and passed me a paper like hat to put on and said she’d be back in 5 minutes . I got fully naked and put my hat on . It’s even had holes for your ears .
Beautician knocked on door and asked if I was ready . I was stood there naked with my hat on and she burst out laughing . It wasn’t a hat I was wearing it was paper knickers . Put me off spray tans for life !

Omg this is hilarious 😂

Got another one for you . But in my defence I had a 4 month old at time so had baby brain. After moving to said new town I tried to change dentists as I needed a filling but the dentist in the village I’d moved to wasn’t taking any new customers so I had to book in at one in next town which was a bit rough . Anyway I got appointment for my filling and went there but there was abit of a queue . Whilst in the queue a lady walked in with a meerkat on a lead and I thought ‘how strange and unhygienic’ and the place didn’t smell great either . Got to front of the queue and told lady I was here for my filling , she said she’d love to help me but the dentist was next door and I was in the vets . It was only then that I noticed other pets in the waiting area .