Hear me out before you attack.

Currently living in rental property after splitting with ex partner. We own the home he is living in jointly.
The landlord of my rental wants to sell and I would like to buy it but the additional 5% stamp duty rate for what would count as a second home is a killer.
Are there any conveyancing solicitors who could advise on how to avoid (not evade) this extra 5%?

Exactly that. Married 25 years. Had a huge arguement tonight as he moaned about lights being left on and it escalated. I said in anger that he can not expect a birthday celebration tomorrow. He said fine.
I’m now not sure what to do?

I'd like to get rid of our bath and install a shower cubicle which would free up some much needed storage space in our small family bathroom.

No one in our household has had a bath in years and I feel a shower cubicle would work better for us (me and two adult DC).

The master bedroom already has a small en-suite shower room which DH uses.

But I'm concerned no bath could put people off buying when we sell up in a few years time (5+ years).

Would you be happy buying a house with no bath?

Apparently you lot like gunk. The "juicier" the better. I am not a fan, but I've been told that you will bite my hand off for images of my husband's back cyst, with the pus in all its glory. He's now on his second week of strong antibiotics to help remove it and he sees the nurse practitioner twice a week to have more pus removed and his dressing changed. But I have to change his dressing in between times. This is real love.

So I'm doing this for your sake, and for @AMansAManForAllThat.

And you also get a picture or two of his neck cyst that has been drained once, but has refilled and the GP says they don't drain them a second time.

You have been warned.

There are a lot of images over the last month from a red bump that wasn't sore to, well you'll see...

I'm posting this now, then I'll switch to my phone so I can load the images for you.

Welcome to the 12th thread, we still have 50 days till the daily unboxing officially starts, although I very much doubt any of our calendars will remain untouched until then 😂
Still time for lots more friendly chat, tips and discount codes - to cut down on links as a poster requested, here's link to some very comprehensive run-downs of the calendars https://beauty-detective.com/category/beauty-advent-calendars/
When enjoying those breakdowns please remember that some are OOS already - Harrod's Fragrance, Harrod's Beauty and Selfridges Beauty to name a few.

Maybe it's a bit cliche but hey ho.

New job, met a bloke, fell in love.

We kissed on a works do (out of the blue really, we both just went for it) and since then we got closer, agreed we both enjoyed it, met up more often and got to know each other very intimately. This was about half a year after I got the job, so we weren't total strangers, just work acquaintances until the kiss.

He confided in some very dark events in his childhood which he has struggled with since, and is in therapy and medicated for. He knows I champion mental health and support him fully.

Started sending nudes to each other, then sleeping together. He'd pat my arse from time to time, we'd snuggle and kiss. We said we loved each other.

Then, the day before he goes on holiday for a week, he says he needs to take a step back and he doesn't see things working. I react as well as you'd imagine, then he's gone for a week. He comes back and says he regrets what he said and "part of him" wants to try again, but because of his past he doesn't want a proper relationship (yet). And the same day he came back and I was dreading what was going to happen, he showed me a pic of him in sexy wear on the phone. It sent a very confusing message.

Anyway three months later I sat him down and said "If it's a definite no, tell me right now" He hesitated and said it was not a definite no, and he "can't deny his feelings for me" but that his past trauma is blocking him from making a proper decision.

I am completely in love with him. To a hopeless degree. I would do anything for him. He seems oblivious to how much I feel for him. My heart flutters every time he enters the office in the morning. It hurts.

Am I being selfish?

I am one thousand percent certain there isn't another love interest behind the curtain.

I have 2 close family members with birthdays coming up and I have no idea what to buy for either of them. I try to choose thoughtful gifts that are within my budget but they dont really need anything and I feel like I've exhausted all my ideas over the years. And then before long I'll need to buy Xmas presents as well!

It's the same with receiving gifts - I'm appreciative of anything I'm given but my house is very small and I haven't got room for any more 'stuff'. The only things I really want cost way more than anyone would be able to spend on me and I'd feel uncomfortable if they did. And if I see something small I'd like I tend to buy it as you can guarantee it wont be in stock if I wait and ask for it for Xmas/birthday.

Some things I've tried before anyone suggests them:

• Secret Santa for close family. Helps a bit but various people wont take part so I still need to buy separately for them
• Buying experiences for my partner and he does the same for me. This is great but he still likes to buy other things and then I feel I should reciprocate
• Asking for money or vouchers and giving the same. This is ideal in some ways but youre basically just swapping money and it feels wrong giving eg my elderly mum £20 in a card!

AIBU to think most adults* dont need any more stuff and gift giving and receiving is a massive pain in the arse?

*Obviously referring to your average person who is working and reasonably OK financially.

I've been picking up Xmas food here and there when at the shops and was looking at Aldi's crisp offerings which were a bit uninspiring - turkey and thyme, pigs in blankets. Anyone seen any good ones out there they can recommend? Thanks!

NC and sorry long post
So I met a guy a while ago. We met through mutual friends and there was an instant attraction. Only issue was his partner had died just 6 months previously and he was still grieving for her. We became friends and would meet up for dinner/drinks etc whenever I was home (I work mainly in London). Nothing happened between us until a few months ago (almost a year since his GFs death) when he admitted he had feelings for me. We started dating taking things quite slowly. I tried to be there for him and let him do things at his pace. We had only really kissed up until a few nights ago. We had dinner and went back to his and were being intimate however when he came he called me by her name. Our names aren’t similar and he didn’t even realise what he had done. I got upset and left. When I told him that next day he was utterly devastated and apologised but I’m struggling to get over it. I know it’s only been a year she has been dead but he’s still thinking of her when it matters isn’t he? Or am I being totally unreasonable? I do think we have a future but im having a tough time imagining having sex with him again. WWYD?

AIBU to be pleased that the UK consumer watchdog is investigation the ridiculous drop off fees at airports and the increases over the past few years. It’s just a con. Hope they get banned.

This is intended as a friendly, kind, safe, warm and fuzzy place for people to share discounts, bargains and Christmas gift ideas both online and IRL. Please note the tone and intention of the thread and join with spirit as generous as DC helping themselves to the Christmas chocolate celebrations 😊 .

Here’s some useful information about how to save the thread or a specific post so you don’t need to have a message to check in for every thread so you have the thread saved:

To watch the thread - click on the little bell that has ‘watch’ under my first message. This adds the whole thread to your ‘watched threads’

You can also bookmark a specific post by clicking on the ‘bookmark’ under the specific post. This saves your exact place in a thread but doesn’t alert you to new replies.

If you have any referral links or codes, please share them on the referral thread https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/christmas/5577375-bargain-referrals-thread

A reminder that we don't use affiliated links on here please

If there’s anything you think would be useful or good to include in this post then please do tag or DM @reastie (the traditional thread starter!) and let them know.

I don’t know how to describe it 🤣 the only words I can think of are sack of spuds, drained, worn down, tired, blobby you get the idea… I need vitamins, skin stuff.. my diet is crap so I’m starting with my water intake and stopping crap foods any other suggestions

Hi guys,

like most people, I’m having to cut back due to everything except breathing becoming ridiculously expensive, and that will now include har and nails. I can’t justify spending £50 on nails and £80 on hair colour. So I’m asking for box dye tips, I’m going grey so need to touch up roots but can I throw the rest of the dye over the remainder hair, it’s previously coloured and I’ll be using a similar colour.
Also, how on earth do I get biab off without dynamite?

Hi, I’m wondering if people can give their perspectives on this relationship and whether I’m fighting a losing battle.

I’ve been with my partner 5 years. He has DD10 and DS11. They are with us every weekend and on Wednesday evenings.

Currently my partner is running a tennis club on Mondays, Wednesdays, Thursdays and Fridays. These classes are 6pm until 10pm (travel inclusive).

This leaves us with Wednesday as “our time”. I’ve expressed in the past that this doesn’t feel enough for me. But he’s told me that he’s unable to drop the commitment at the tennis club.

At the weekends, his Dds are here. DD10 has SEN and acts younger than her age. I love them both every much, I’ve been in their lives for 4 years. But weekends are full on - either driving to clubs, family days out. They go to bed around 10 meaning we don’t have evenings together either. I accepted this and fully embrace them being here. It does feel nice to feel like part of their family and I can’t fault them, they’re lovely kids.

My issue is that I feel like me and my partner are passing ships.

He’s just told me he intends to join the reserve army? He said training will take place Tuesdays 6:30-9:30.

I’m very hurt. It’s the one day a week I feel we have time to be a couple. I think we’ve lost sight of this and function more as a family unit. I know parents do not have time “off” parenting, but I am a parent’s partner. I did chose to date a man with children and I would never begrudge them being here. They’re only here 3 days a week. But every time they’re not here, DP is out doing his tennis, and now, the reserves. If he joins, it will also mean a weekend away from DDs. He’s said that they’re still welcome to come over, and of course they are, but where’s the consideration for what I want?

I’ve told him I think it will negatively affect our relationship if he maintains his tennis club and army training.. he says I’m controlling. Do you think I am controlling?

You’re not going to want to listen to me, but you must.

Please take your bag of salt and vinegar crisps and put them in the freezer for a few hours.

Enjoy a bowl of them straight from the freezer.

Please report back with your findings.

Son has just started school and being offered flu jabs for first time at school.

Can I just say this is not an antivax discussion. My children are fully vaccinated in all other areas including chickenpox.

I am questioning whether to consent to the flu jabs or not. Having remembered about research I read many moons ago about childhood exposure being very important to adulthood illness rates. Ie. They could tell which age groups would be most or less ill based on the strains that circulated in their younger years.

So have been doing some research and found this paper… https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1755436518300732

What I am struggling to unpick is that this is based on a population level… I cannot say whether my children will get very ill from flu; nor can I say whether the vaccines will be a good match in all these years - and if not does that increase their risk; both now and in the future.

It’s slightly boggling my mind and feels like a gamble either way. Has anyone looked at this and what did you decide?

Can somebody go through this income split with me please? It’s between dp and me. I really don’t feel like it’s fair but whenever I try and bring it up we go around in circles and end up arguing. If anyone is particularly mathematically minded could they suggest a fairer split? Numbers are approximate as I’m worried about it being outing.

So income, mine is higher. Monthly around £3000. His monthly income works out to be around £1350. It can be more as his hours change on a weekly basis but it’s never really lower than that. He is also paid weekly which often factors into our arguments. Apparently it’s harder to budget in bills when it’s weekly and not paid in one lump sum.

There are four children, two of which have disabilities. One is severely impaired and will never live independently. Specialist school, can’t communicate, still in nappies at 8, you get the idea. All children are under 10. Only one child is dp’s. The other three are my children from my previous marriage.

We rent, the house is in my name but dp is listed as an occupant here. He pays no money towards the rent so that cost is totally on me. Currently he pays £340 towards the bills. This is half of the electricity/gas, water, council tax, car finance, insurance and vehicle tax.

This is where I struggle. That £340 isn’t touching the sides. I’m left paying all the rent, the other half of the above listed bills, all food shops (really not cheap for 6! Disabilities mean there’s a lot of branded food due to sensory issues and very restricted diets). Food shops are regularly over £230 a week. Then there’s internet, Netflix/amazon prime/disney+, tv licensing, kids swimming, holidays, kids clothing/transport to therapies, fuel for the car, pet food and vet bills. Just general life costs. I’ve also got some credit cards that I’m paying down but I know that’s on me to clear.

Dp will pick up some bits from the shop if we’ve ran out or I’ve forgotten something but he’s started complaining about that and expecting to be reimbursed. He will put in enough fuel for whatever he’s using the car for but if I need to go anywhere or want him to take me anywhere it’s expected I’ll pay it. I don’t drive. I’m just sick of stressing about money. He seems to think I’m paid more than enough to cover all costs. Trying to talk to him about it results in him throwing a toddler tantrum where he proclaims ‘fine, I won’t have anything and be miserable’. I’ve told him that this bill split isn’t fair. The problem is I don’t know what is fair. I know half of all bills isn’t fair either but this really doesn’t feel in any way equal.

Who’s reasonable here? If you genuinely agree with dp I’ll accept that. I’m just trying to work out a way that’s fair.

My son is going to be one in a couple of days and I decided to throw a birthday party for him. The invitations were sent a month ago but since then I’ve been extremely ill and unable to do any party planning.
It’s a small party, mostly adults, but a handful of children aged between 1 and 6. I have NOTHING organised for the children to do, and no toys aimed at older children.

Please help with suggestions of a couple of easy activities I can throw together/toys I can buy to keep the kids occupied while the adults eat crisps and catch up. Needs to be simple and easy to get hold of as I am still too ill to make much effort. Party is on Sunday so not much time left! Thank you

He’s very very shy and is happy in his own company. But he’s going days without even going outside!! He is working on a group project and seems to think sitting in his room and doing his own thing will be fine. I’m so worried and getting cross that he’s not making the absolute most of the opportunities in front of him.

How on earth can I get him out? I can’t exactly ring his lecturers or tutors!! It’s uni FFS, not to primary school.

Hi everyone,
I have been in a long distance relationship for almost a year.
He is a decent hard working guy and has not had much time to visit me - I have visited him 5 times since January. In May, a friend found him on a dating app. I gave him the benefit of the doubt and said maybe we should have a conversation about being exclusive. He apologized and hid but did not delete his profile. We agreed to be exclusive- even though I thought we already were.
A few weeks ago after starting to feel things were a little ‘off’ - I found a new dating profile he had made that appears to have been active for a couple of months.
i said I couldn’t accept the deceit a second time and said we should end our relationship.
He then wrote that he loved me (he has never told me this before) that he wanted to spend more time with me and support me financially and that he only went online for validation.
after much deliberation - I decided to break up with him.
He then sent me another email saying he had never cheated and that I had probably met someone else, which is why I have broken up with him.
i know he is hurting and a part of me wants to believe that he wants to build a life with me and I am scared I will not meet anyone else (I am 50)
I wanted to break up with him but now that I have,I am worried that I have been too hasty.
Thanks for listening x

IToday i’ve realised how much my ds actually posts on social media. I knew he had TikTok and Instagram but not to this extent. I thought he mostly watched videos and followed bands etc but he’s got about 1.5k followers on TikTok and 53k likes altogether. He’s mostly showing his outfits, lip syncing to music and talking about bands he likes. Some of them are quite niche and he gets really into them. There’s pictures of himself too and the odd video talking about how he’s feeling. I just didn’t realise how much he was putting out there.

He’s 14, autistic and has quite significant mental health issues. He’s had a difficult couple of years and barely goes to school now. Last year they were fairly lax about his dyed hair and piercings because he was in the hub for most of the day anyway, it’s a room for the autistic children away from the other pupils. He’s got quite a few piercings already and is constantly begging me for more. The school have now changed their stance and said if they allow it for him they’d have to allow it for everyone, so he’s stopped attending altogether. It’s all got very difficult tbh.

He dresses emo/scene and it’s very much his thing. I’m not against how he looks and he’s openly bisexual on TikTok which isn’t an issue in our house. He doesn’t really have any friends in real life which I do worry about, although he’d probably tell you he doesn’t need any. Social media seems to be where he gets most of his interaction with people.

Some of the comments are a bit concerning. Some people take the piss out of him or call him weird and he’ll argue back for ages instead of just ignoring them. Then there are accounts that look like teenage girls flirting with him, calling him cute and tagging their friends under his pictures. One seems to comment on quite a lot of his stuff. I don’t know these girls or whether they’re actually who they say they are.

He does have an online friend who’s a girl and she’s 16. I’ve actually met her as they went to a small gig together and she seemed perfectly nice, also very scene and they have similar music tastes. So I know not every online friendship is dodgy and I’m not against him having friends online. They get on well and she seems to understand him. It’s the other accounts I don’t know what to make of.

I don’t want to ban everything just because I’m worried, as social media is one of the few places he seems confident and he does get a lot out of the music side of it. With him not really going to school or having friends outside the internet I worry taking it away would leave him even more isolated. But equally he’s not great at judging people’s intentions sometimes and can be very trusting if someone seems to like him. He gets defensive if I question anything and says I’m treating him like a little kid.

I just don’t know if I’m being too relaxed about the attention he’s getting, especially with his mental health being how it is. I knew he had social media, I just didn’t realise how public it all was or how many people were interacting with him.

My ILs live 4-5h away, up north.

Dh usually wfh everyday except Tuesday, and i wfh on Tuesdays only. Yesterday morning he spontaneously announced he was wfh and going into the office on Wednesday instead, so I decamped all my stuff onto the dining table to let him use the home office corner, and did the drop offs as I usually do on Tuesday. But we got to have lunch together in the local caff which was nice, a rare child free moment together.

This morning I phoned my MIL because I wanted to tell her about something to do with DS, and also check that DH had told her about our Christmas plans. She says "oh he mentioned briefly, but I'll be seeing him later anyway". "What, seeing Ben? Today?" Yes, she says she's just getting on the tube on her way to lunch with him, didn't he mention it? Er, no he didn't... She says she's only in London for lunch. Because she barely gets any time alone with him.

What has thrown me is a) why wouldn't he mention that is mum is doing a lovely but eccentric 9h round trip just to have lunch with him, why keep that a secret and b) we are visiting the ILs for half term soon, so surely lots of opportunities for chats?

I texted dh "why didn't you tell me you were seeing your mum for lunch today" and he replied he didn't want to mention it in front of the kids because they'd be sad not to see Granny themselves. But we had loads of child free time yesterday, and he didn't think to mention it, he just made small talk about diesel and the weather and the Holborn by election. No "oh by the way im seeing my mum tomorrow". If he had, id have replied "ah that's so nice of her, don't forget to mention Christmas".

I feel like they both think that I keep him a prisoner or something? He goes out to see his mates of an evening sometimes, and he has lunch with various people, I never stop him from any of that or even ask questions about who he sees, there was no need to keep it a secret.

I now don't want to go up north for half term, I wish he'd just go alone with the kids if I'm so in the way. But the kids would miss me, DS is only 2.

I'm a bit upset, please talk me out of this, mumsnet

Hi. Myself and DH have been married almost 20 yrs. My relationship with my MIL has never been spectacular but recently I've been feeling I've had enough of it.
There isn't any major thing that has happened, more a death by a thousand cuts scenario.
Few examples, MIL would come to our house and turn off lights/appliances to save electric even though it isn't her house.
She will comment on the 'state' of my house, how I keep my dogs.
She calls our house DH house, 'because he pays for it' even though I work also and all our money goes into a joint account.
She arranged a holiday for her, DH and my kids (adult kids) but no invitation for me, not that I actually want to go. Various other things. Lately after another round of comments I decided to keep my distance for a bit. MIL then asked if she had upset me, so I told her why I'm upset. This was met with a cold response and numbered points as to why I'm wrong and she's right.
Am I being out of order or to sensitive?
Would you go LC or NC?

Thanks.

I took the plastic wrap off a head of broccoli this evening and as I started to cut it up, I noticed a white fly in front of my face. I saw another one and I put the broccoli under the kitchen tap to rinse it off. Suddenly more and more tiny white flies started coming out! I couldn't see any on the broccoli but they just kept appearing!

The broccoli is outside now in a tin but I'm still thinking about it. I'm not usually a wimp about food and I've picked out a boiled slug before, discreetly hid it and carried on eating. But this is making me uncomfortable for some reason. There were so many and they just kept coming out.

So what should I do? Can I still cook and eat the broccoli (and tell my kids it's safe to eat)?

YANBU: Stop being sensitive, of course it'll be fine to eat.

YABU: Put it straight into the outside bin.

I've loved charity shopping for over 30 years, but like many I've long mixed it with online second hand shopping.
The stories in this Guardian article are not new to those of us who've read threads on here, work in the shops or know people who do.
I never sell online myself and am a very mindful donatter, but my own eBay addiction and Vinted dabbling is contributing to this in a way.
Shops won't want to discourage donations, but it seems more push back on the mountains of crap is needed.

www.theguardian.com/fashion/2026/oct/13/people-sell-their-best-stuff-on-vinted-how-charity-shops-became-a-dumping-ground-for-unsellable-clothes