Was Paul Newman, discuss

I've decided to treat myself, but I don't know where to start.

Firstly I don't know what else to call the kind of bag I'm after, hence "status" bag. I like Chanel, LV, which I know some fashionistas like to sneer at, so please, if that's you, respect that we all have different preferences.

I'm looking for a lovely every day bag, that I don't look stupid with on the school run etc. We live rurally, and didn't before, so all my Chanel and LV with chain straps etc would look majorly over done and I'd feel ridiculous wandering round town on casual shop with one. I do sometimes take my neverful but I'd like something much smaller. Slouchy and comfy as opposed to stiff leather.

What's a casual but still "status" bag that I could go for? I don't like massive gold logos etc like the GG Gucci bags, or the ones with big YSLs down the front. I would like it to be recognisable as branded, but from close up, not from across the street if you see what I mean.

Thank you.

My DH and I have always left mobiles etc in bag on/under lounger when we go in the pool or sea but I'm travelling for a week with my mum and she thinks this sounds dodgy and that we won't both be able to go in the water together. It's made me wonder if we've been to trusting in the past but I can't see what else you would do? One of those clear pouches round your neck for your phone? I've never seen anyone using one so can I ask what you all do?

In reference to The Most Beautiful Man thread,

Just for balance, I thought we ought to show the women as well...

Gong Li
Zhang Ziyi
Louise Brooks
Cyd Charisse

I know I sound horrible. I know I’ll get lots of hate saying leave him the poor man but I know a lot of women feel the same.
I love him but he just gets on my nerves anyone feel the same? Give me stories / things your husbands do that grate on you like a fork on a brick wall. 😂 I know I sound vile. I’m honestly not, just ughhhhh shudder.

DH has bought something for the house without mentioning it to me and I am honestly a bit annoyed.

It was about £40 so its not like he's gone mad or anything but its something we absolutely did not need and I would have rather the money went towards other things tbh.

I only found out because the parcel turned up and when I asked what it was he said he'd ordered it a couple of days ago. I said I wish he'd mentioned it first and he said why, its hardly a big purchase and he doesn't ask me before buying things for himself.

I do see that point but I don't really think its the same when its something for the house? Especially when we've got other things coming up that we need to pay for.

I am not saying he needs to ask permission every time he spends money btw. If he wants to buy himself something with his own money then obviously thats different. But if its coming out of our joint account for something that is basically unnecessary then surely its reasonable to discuss it first?

He thinks I'm being controlling and making an issue out of nothing.

AIBU?

I realise this is probably a very naive question but I have just come back from a hol in France. We visited a mix of touristy and some very non touristy towns - in all of them the high street was thriving.

Lots of independent shops, alongside chains and cafes busy streets. There were also big out of town hypermarches too but they didn’t seem obviously to impact the town centres. Hardly any of the vape shop, nail bars and boarded up charity shops in our town centres.

My question is what are the French doing to achieve this that we are not? Are there tax incentives of some kind, if so, how does
the French gov afford it and why couldn’t we adopt at least some of this model for the UK?

Call me old fashioned, but isn't this sort of thing likely to provoke a run on toilet rolls? Couldnt find any other threads on it, but I think there is a "preppers" topic on here somewhere. In any case, what do you think? I'm sort of concerned, should I be? Or has this gone under the radar?

https://www.theguardian.com/politics/2026/aug/25/uk-to-warn-citizens-to-stock-up-on-food-amid-threat-from-climate-crisis-and-hostile-states

I’m pretty sure I will have zero family soon. It’s not what I wanted and I don’t think the void of having no family will ever go away. Despite being successful and having children of my own, I still grieve for a family, wonder what it would be like and am envious of those who have them (which is most people). Anyone else? Honestly I always said the best part of this life is no grieving when they actually die. How morbid.

Dad - died now and I shed a single tear the entire time he’s been gone. I was actually secretly happy he died before I started maternity leave as I wouldn’t have been granted bereavement leave if baby came first. I deserved that time to myself after all he put me through. Everyone at work lavished me with sympathy flowers and vouchers; I accepted it all and said nothing, because no one gave me sympathy when he was alive. Thats the sad thing in life. I didn’t need support when he died…

Mum - raging alcoholic; was no mum to us, I looked after her. Dad drove her to drink she says and I fully believe her; he was a horrible man and bully. Again she didn’t protect us from him and nor he protect us from her. She’s alive but in ill health and barely makes any effort. She means well and is perfectly friendly but bloody useless. Met my eldest twice and youngest once… the pain post partum of suffering the way I did and not having a mum to help was heartache and grieving all over again.

sibling 1 -the latest one I’m grieving for. He was awful to me in childhood, selfish, bully and no parent to step in but in adulthood I was really was there for him when he was single and depressed. Seems being selfish never left.. when DF died this DB put something in sibling WhatsApp about getting the safe opened, wrote the quote and we all agreed we need to find out what was in there. Was such a mystery we all wanted to know. One day we found out DB had gone to the house and cracked it open with DSIL and emptied the contents; taking it back to their house only to tell us 10 days later. When two of us had something to say about it they cut us out. I’m so angry at them, they gave so many pathetic excuses about it being booked last minute and no time to tell us, that I wouldn’t have gone given I live so far and have kids - no but a video or FaceTime would have been asked for.

we never had cousins growing up as my DPs siblings on both sides wanted nothing to do with them. No surprises there, we’d have been shot of them too if we could.

This one hurts as I wanted a different life for my kids with cousins and auntie and uncles and I have decided to let go and accept it’s not happening.

Have two other siblings but not going to make this even longer and there’s a story there with each.

AIBU about this latest incident? The cheek of them playing the victims, cutting us off and saying we are all accusing them of being thieves, which no one did btw DB just kept saying that and ended up us reassuring him.

I feel really hurt by a comment made by my partners sibling at a recent family gathering. I’ve recently had a baby, less than 6 months ago and partners sibling has just had theirs, they are both our first babies. We met to meet the baby. They said the baby’s full name and one of the names i hadn’t ever heard so I asked “what does that name mean” and the sibling replied “better than your baby” but saying my baby’s name so for example “better than Charlie”. Not the name, as in the name meaning means their child is better than our child, or that’s how I’ve taken it. I was a little stunned and there was an awkward silence. I was expecting my partner to say something to the sibling but they didn’t. I made a half laugh and the conversation moved on. I just feel quite upset now and like there will be an instant rivalry between the two babies who are cousins growing up. Maybe it’s hormones, so I need to know if I am being unreasonable or what I can do to stop this from becoming a thing or if I’ve taken the comment wrongly and they did mean the name is better than our babies name.

I live in a 4 in a block. I'm top floor and my garden (private) is the one shown on the left of the photo, surrounded by the fence. Neighbour is beneath and the window shown is her bedroom window. Both fences are mine, previous owner paid for them and for them to be erected.

I get on well enough with downstairs neighbour however the issue is that every time I go out to the garden, she comes out and chats, for a good half hour. She's elderly and I get that she just wants to chat, I have no problem with a short chat now and then, but last time I was out there, I had a whole day free when DC was at their dads and so wanted to get cracking on the garden, she came out 5 separate times, 3 times to chat for ages and will sometimes stand watching me from her bedroom window, which is a little awkward.

I'm not sure if it would be unreaonable of me to heighten the fence a little to give me privacy? I don't want to completely block her light, just her view into my garden! I was thinking of popping a trellis on top, so that light still gets through. Maybe pop some climbing flowers on it. The taller fence that can be seen is 6ft tall, i was thinking of matching the trellis height to this. Local planning permission dictates 6ft 6 inches is the limit that you can have fences, so I don't think I would be breaking any local laws. I'm sure she will complain as she's quite fixed on how she thinks things should be, so I'm not sure if it's unreasonable of me to do this?

https://www.dunelm.com/product/emily-metal-bed-frame-1000295082?defaultSkuId=31055771&size=Small+Double+4ft&colour=Cream

Am I being unreasonable to think that the gap between the bars could present a risk to a tween/young teenager, if their head were to become stuck between them? (I haven't measured the width of the gap). Or am I unreasonably stuck in some sort of baby / toddler safe sleeping mode? Tell me if IABU. Teen likes this style.

Just that really. I used to look forward to having a drink and a bite to eat in cafes, it was nice and relaxing. But no longer, some examples and you always get at least one or two now.

The expense, its getting crazy.
People on mobile phones making noise
Elderly on mobile phones with the speaker on so you can hear the other person.
Dogs
Toddlers
Keyboard warriors
Staff attitudes
Small portions / cheap ingredients
Wobbly and dirty tables
Poor toilet hygiene
Advertising screens (yes there was one in M & S today which really bright)

Anyone else the same?

I've just turned 39 and feel I really need to start taking control of my life and would like to put myself in a good position financially.

Just to say, I'm not married and no family so will never inherit anything. I am also a freelancer and my income is not particularly high although I'm working on that, I'm not sure how the next few years will pan out. I may end up having to pivot.

I'd like advice on what is best to do in my situation. I have a LISA with £32k in it and I own my flat that I live in and have £145,000 on the mortgage. At my current salary, it will take me 30 years to pay off probably.

Should I prioritise saving into a pension or pay off my mortgage?

I know no one can answer this but what is a good pension to have to be able to live comfortably? I grew up pretty poor but I'm more worried about the fact that I really will have to rely on myself when I'm older and whether I will be ok.

Do you think it’s worth it? I actually went to private school and it’s all I’ve known so I am biased I suppose as I loved school. But I’ve never been a parent paying for it and I’m interested in hearing from people who have done that or are doing it, particularly with the VAT increase.

Just to add I don’t care about academics, that’s not at all why I am considering it. Whilst I want ds to do well and work hard, I know that can happen at state or private. What I’m keen to know is whether the experience of school is better? Are the kids happier? Do they have a nicer day to day life? Do the smaller classes really have a positive effect?

For context spare income is around 2.5k a month (we also have 50k so far saved) so we are not mega wealthy by any stretch but given it is such an expense, do you feel it’s worth it?

How do you cope emotionally with a sexless marriage when you don’t want to leave (for now)?
I’m mid-40s, married to my husband since we were very young, and we have two secondary-school-age children. We haven’t had sex for around two years.
This isn’t something I’ve only just realised, and I’m not really looking for “LTB”. For various reasons, particularly the children, their schooling and exams, I don’t want to break up the family at this point. We actually function pretty well as a family. There is affection between us — cuddles, hugs, companionship — but there is no sexual intimacy.
Historically I’ve been the more dominant one in our relationship, including sexually, and I think I carried a lot of that side of our relationship. But I don’t want to do that anymore. I don’t want to initiate and drive everything. I want to feel that my husband actually desires me and comes towards me.
Something brought it home to me recently. We spent time with another couple and the wife is a very strong, dominant, successful woman and the main breadwinner. But her husband is clearly sexually attracted to her. She casually talked about things that turn her on, kissed him, mentioned him always touching her bum etc. Nothing outrageous — just an obvious sexual connection between them.
It really affected me. Not because I want her husband or necessarily want their marriage, but because I realised how much I miss being wanted. Seeing that she can be a strong, dominant woman and still have a husband who pursues and desires her also challenged something in me. I think I’ve always had some fear that allowing a man to be sexually dominant would somehow mean being controlled by him. Seeing them made me realise those things aren’t necessarily connected.
I also have a child with additional needs and life has been exhausting and stressful for a long time, so I can see how we’ve ended up letting years pass while dealing with everything else.
But underneath all of that, I feel profoundly rejected. Sometimes I look at other women whose husbands obviously desire them and feel “less than”. I hate that because rationally I know my worth isn’t determined by whether my husband wants sex with me, but emotionally it really hurts.
I have friends, a career and interests. I go to the theatre, have been going to the gym and intend to get back to it, and I’m trying to invest more in myself. So I’m not really looking for advice just to “get a hobby” or keep busy. I can have a full day and still come home and feel the absence of being desired.
I’m also not asking how to change or fix my husband. I’m increasingly aware that I can’t, and I’m not even sure I want to spend my energy trying.
What I’d really like to hear from women who’ve been in this position is: if you stayed, at least for a period of time, how did you protect your confidence and sense of yourself as a woman? How did you cope with the loneliness and longing without constantly feeling rejected?
And did you eventually reach a point where you knew what you wanted longer term?

I used AI to help me compose the post

For context I have 2 beautiful children (4 and 7). I’ve never felt “done”. My head says no but my heart says yes. I feel empty. I yearn so desperately for another baby. My husband is not against it at all but he’s with my head in that we can’t really afford for me to have another maternity leave and return part time (I’ve taken a step down in my job to enable me to be with our children more).
How do I get over this feeling?!

I've just come to bed and I'm disappointed again by the terrible quality of the items I bought.

I paid for next day delivery several hours before the cut off (I paid at 2pm and the cut off is 7pm) but my items didn't arrive until three days later.

I ordered one pair of soft feels like down king size pillows and one pair of 200 thread count plain pillowcases.

The pillows are incredibly flat and feel empty. Yes, I chose the soft version but they're about an inch thick and don't feel soft at all. My old pillows have been in use for about 18 months now and are still double the thickness. One pillow has a section with no filling at all.

The pillowcases are genuinely awful; incredibly rough even after washing several times. They're so rough they've irritated my skin and I can't use them. I washed them at 30c as the label advised, using Fairy laundry detergent which I use for all of my washing. One case also had a long piece of cotton hanging from it. When I looked more closely there is a hole in the seam.

Overall I'm incredibly disappointed because the quality of both products is absolutely shocking. I can't return the pillowcases because I've washed them, and I removed the tags from the pillows so they can't go back either.

I'm genuinely considering asking my back to do a charge back because the items were not worth the money.

dusk.com/products/pair-of-feels-like-down-pillows

dusk.com/products/pair-of-plain-dye-classic-pillowcases-200-thread-count-white

Clothes accessories cosmetics everything.

Is this too much to wear to the office? I wore it with a belt so wondering if I was over dressed?

Need urgent advice please because I don't know what to make of this and I'm incapable of keeping my emotions in! Months ago I found the back of an earring on my bed and confronted DH because I'm sure it wasn't mine, he was very convincing that there was nothing untoward going on. Naive as this may sound I don't think he's the sort that would cheat, I don't see how he'd even have the time for it (he works full time and we have 2 young DC). So I chalked it up to the cleaner/something I'd forgotten that got caught up and moved inadvertently.

This evening I have just found half a fake nail on my upstairs landing and I have no explanation of where it could have come from. I've fully panicked and managed to look through DHs phone. I didn't find anything on WhatsApp, Facebook or text messages.

I do not know what to do. I want to confront him because I'm terrible at hiding my feelings but I assume if anything IS going on he will just play it off again. What should I do? Apologies for the rushed and possibly incoherent message! x

I have had some issues with my stomach for the last few years and find anything with a proper waistband incredibly uncomfortable after about an hour. It makes me feel horrendous and often lasts hours after I take the trousers off. I live in high waisted leggings, light jersey trousers or dresses with tights.

I lived in jeans until this all started and I’m desperate to get back into them but after an hour I’m so so uncomfortable that it ruins my day 😔
I recently bought DS (5yo) some chino type trousers for a smart occasion and thought they were fab as they had the waistband of a pair of joggers rather than make of the chino material!!

If I could get proper jeans but with a very soft waistband it would be a dream!

Unfortunately, I’m not fitting in an age 5-6y anytime soon 😅🤣 So I’m on the hunt!

Has anyone seen anything that fits the description? Every time I search for ideas it just brings up loads of links to Halara. I believe they are more of a light and thin material rather than proper denim though unfortunately!

In October I’ll start 3x EC and 9x Paclitaxel taking me through to February. The thing I’m most concerned about at the moment is - will I be able to do the school run? I know nobody knows how I’ll personally react to chemo and everyone keeps saying plan for not being able to do it which I will but can you tell me if you had primary ages kids, too young to be allowed to walk home, did you manage the school run?

I’m 1.5 miles from school, flat apart from going up and over a railway bridge.

I can park 0.4 miles from school, will still need to go up and over the bridge.

I could drive all the way and battle with the Range Rovers.

In all options I’ll need to stand in the school yard and have DD handed over to me, she wouldn’t be allowed to walk herself to and from the car or home.

My DS is best friends with a couple of boys at school and I’m superficially friendly with the mums. We don’t know each other well but one of the boys has been to ours for a drop off play date a few months ago, and we chat at school events. All fine. The children are 8. My son was invited to this boys birthday (was a small one of just four) but he couldn’t make it that was months and months ago. We weren’t invited back to this boys for a play date after we had him at ours - again no pressure for this as I wasn’t expecting it just painting a picture.

My DS has been really keen to see his friend over the holidays and I know the friend really wanted a play date as well as when I saw the family before school broke up my son’s friend was begging me and his mum for another play date so I’m confident it’s not an issue with the friendship. About a month ago I messaged the mum inviting her son over and she read the message and completely ignored me. I wasn’t expecting an immediate response but isn’t that rude to just point blank ignore an invitation?

I start assuming she doesn’t like me or doesn’t want our children to be friends. My son is well behaved no behavioural problems. AIBU to expect a reply even if it’s to decline the invitation? With school going back soon I’m going to feel self conscious bumping into her now and I know as soon as I see her son he is going to ask to come over to ours again.

I got a puppy at the end of last year, and I have an adult dog (both very small breeds). To begin with the puppy was completely unphased by my two cats. Prior to getting the puppy, my older dog was also absolutely fine with the cats, she might get a bit frantic if the cats get too close to where her treats are kept (because obviously the cat really wants her dog treats 🤔), but generally no probably at all.

My two cats are very different characters. One is very brave and doesn’t give a shit about anything, and the other one is scared of his own shadow. He’s always kept his distance from the dogs, and they can pick up on the fact he’s scared of them. My braver cat muddles along quite happily with the dogs, so it’s not all cats that are a problem, just my scaredy cat.

Over time the puppy has got progressively worse with the scaredy cat, he gets really hyper and squeals/barks when he sees the cat, and chases him. Our house isn’t very big so the poor cat can’t escape easily. And now my older dog has decided to sometimes join in with this game.

I tell them off each and every time and things have maybe got a bit better, but they’re still horrible to the poor cat, who now rarely comes into the house because of them. Today they chased the cat so I told them off and put them in the garden (in the rain) for a time out, only for about a minute. I felt awful doing that but they really do need to learn to stop doing it. Not sure whether this will be effective or not, but they are clingy little fuckers so knowing that they are in my bad books and being kept away from me is probably the worst thing that could happen to them in their heads.

Rehoming any of them isn’t an option, I feel like this can be worked through but any suggestions on how would be appreciated.