Was Paul Newman, discuss

I met a woman through a local hobby (fitness group) that I volunteer for. When she became pregnant she stopped training. We realised we live on the same street (six houses apart) and I began going swimming with her to help keep her fitness up. I don't love swimming but it was nice for the company and it meant we could share a (my) car.

She messaged after she had the baby but said no visitors. Then when baby was there months old she offered to call over so I could meet him. I was delighted, had a gift, made the place comfortable for them both. She called over and stayed four hours even thought I was feeding DC around her. I was expecting a much shorter visit and had to get firm explaining I needed to get DC ready for bed. She ate dinner and dessert too.

Then she suggested visiting again so I said yes but let's go for a walk this time with baby and stop at a coffee shop. Three times she has come then said no it's easier to just come in, I've no blanket, it's going to rain, my hip is sore. Every single time I have to ask her to leave after the visit drags on saying "I'm sorry I have things to do" repeatedly. The last time she firmly said she wouldn't as baby was sleeping and she couldn't disturb. Then when he woke up she started setting him up for feeding and I had to carry him to his carrier, open the door and walk them home.

I don't have time to sit and chat for hours. I understand she's lonely but we aren't close friends and she never actually asks me about myself or let's me talk so it doesn't even feel like a friendship developing. I feel like some sort of public service that's there to support her keep her spirits up while she can't exercise with us.

A few days ago was the final straw. She had messaged and instead of ignoring it (as she often turns up then regardless) I replied and said don't call over, I'm far too busy. She read the message. My DH then came upstairs and told me she was in the sitting room waiting for me.

I came down and quite bluntly said "I told you I was busy, so I don't know why you're here. I'll have to ask you to leave."

My DH was horrified and said to me afterwards he was very embarrassed that I would be so nasty. He walked her around with the baby and he's not off with me.

I hadn't really spoken to him about how much she was annoying me as I thought I just need to deal with it differently.

I don't know what I'm asking but I'm feeling shitty now.

I’m can’t believe I’m writing this, but here goes. I’m male 54 divorced 3 years ago , I’m seeing a woman 55, separated for 3 years after a 20+ year marriage, we have been seeing each other for almost 9 months now and everything is going fine, we date, stay over, I’ve met her kids etc all good, the only thing am I don’t know if I’m being unreasonable or not is the amount of sex we have, we don’t live together and don’t plan to right now
we probably stay over twice a week ( hers and mine), her expectations seem to be that we have as much sex as possible; when we go to bed and then during the night and again in the morning if possible - this is too much for me, I simply can’t “perform” and I feel like I’m being pressured ( and punished) if I can’t do it

the last few years of her marriage were sexless and I know she is hyper aware of that and somehow equates a good relationship with having almost constant sexual activity ( I don’t) -
I’m don’t really know what I’m asking here, but I feel her expectations around sex are somehow linked to her feelings of self worth, I know this sounds weird ( or not ) , but I’d like a bit less sex - to the point now where I’ve completed stopped initiation as I know I don’t need to!
so I suppose my question is around how do I explain this with out coming across as rejecting her

all advice welcome 🙏

DH has bought something for the house without mentioning it to me and I am honestly a bit annoyed.

It was about £40 so its not like he's gone mad or anything but its something we absolutely did not need and I would have rather the money went towards other things tbh.

I only found out because the parcel turned up and when I asked what it was he said he'd ordered it a couple of days ago. I said I wish he'd mentioned it first and he said why, its hardly a big purchase and he doesn't ask me before buying things for himself.

I do see that point but I don't really think its the same when its something for the house? Especially when we've got other things coming up that we need to pay for.

I am not saying he needs to ask permission every time he spends money btw. If he wants to buy himself something with his own money then obviously thats different. But if its coming out of our joint account for something that is basically unnecessary then surely its reasonable to discuss it first?

He thinks I'm being controlling and making an issue out of nothing.

AIBU?

I feel really hurt by a comment made by my partners sibling at a recent family gathering. I’ve recently had a baby, less than 6 months ago and partners sibling has just had theirs, they are both our first babies. We met to meet the baby. They said the baby’s full name and one of the names i hadn’t ever heard so I asked “what does that name mean” and the sibling replied “better than your baby” but saying my baby’s name so for example “better than Charlie”. Not the name, as in the name meaning means their child is better than our child, or that’s how I’ve taken it. I was a little stunned and there was an awkward silence. I was expecting my partner to say something to the sibling but they didn’t. I made a half laugh and the conversation moved on. I just feel quite upset now and like there will be an instant rivalry between the two babies who are cousins growing up. Maybe it’s hormones, so I need to know if I am being unreasonable or what I can do to stop this from becoming a thing or if I’ve taken the comment wrongly and they did mean the name is better than our babies name.

Call me old fashioned, but isn't this sort of thing likely to provoke a run on toilet rolls? Couldnt find any other threads on it, but I think there is a "preppers" topic on here somewhere. In any case, what do you think? I'm sort of concerned, should I be? Or has this gone under the radar?

https://www.theguardian.com/politics/2026/aug/25/uk-to-warn-citizens-to-stock-up-on-food-amid-threat-from-climate-crisis-and-hostile-states

I care for my 39 month old grandchild 3 nights/4 days a week. I love doing this. It’s been this way pretty much since birth except for a few months when mother stopped contact. I then went to court and have a court order (this was when GC was with mother and father)

My home is the only constant home that GC has ever had and she loves coming here. She has her own room and has all of our attention and love. I am disabled myself and while I wouldn’t change having GC for the world, I’m exhausted, but I do believe that it’s worth it to give GC the best life possible.

my son is the only bioparent in GC life but we do ‘co-parent’ very well. GC is very advanced and we are cohesive with her and how she is taught/disciplined.

Son got into a relationship with a single mum when GC was 20m old. Her child is a year younger than GC and is profoundly autistic. Not diagnosed yet as child is too young but it’s obvious to anyone. GF doesn’t seem to be doing anything to help him.

I’ve just found out that GF is pregnant. (Apparently an accident but i don’t know if I believe that)

I’m furious, like white hot rage furious. I can’t believe that my son would not put GC first, especially knowing what she went through.

I will not be able to look after a baby the same way I do GC but I also don’t agree with playing ‘favourites’. I lived that life and know how it feels to be not wanted and to watch cousins get to do things with grandparents, BUT I also don’t think my GC should have to suffer because of her dads poor choices. She already went through trauma as a baby and losing me and the close relationship we have would be devastating for her.

I will not be able to look after two children at the moment. If GC was older and more self sufficient it would be a different matter, I also don’t believe that they have thought about how difficult it will be to have 3 under 4 with at least one that will no doubt need lifelong care.

i can’t even talk to my son about it as i’m so angry that he’s not putting GC first and I know if I do I’ll rage and it won’t be pretty.

they don’t have room for another child, they don’t have room for the two that are living there, the GF is not a great mother if I’m honest, I’ve never seen her leave the sofa and even though I’ve tried to help her by advising her who to contact etc she doesn’t do anything about her child and his obvious disability. (He’s bigger and much stronger than my GC. He spends his days rocking, crawling around the room and smacking his head into things). GC dislikes that she has to share a room with him as he keeps her awake, she tries to be friends with him (she’s very loving) but if she tries to play with him etc he can’t/wont entertain it.

how do I work around this? I honestly don’t know what to do, my husband has tried talking to me and I just shut him down because I can’t do it. He’s very much ‘what’s done is done’ but I can’t get there because I CANNOT give the same care to another child that I give to GC while she still needs me so much, I physically can’t do it and the anger is eating me up.

I have had some issues with my stomach for the last few years and find anything with a proper waistband incredibly uncomfortable after about an hour. It makes me feel horrendous and often lasts hours after I take the trousers off. I live in high waisted leggings, light jersey trousers or dresses with tights.

I lived in jeans until this all started and I’m desperate to get back into them but after an hour I’m so so uncomfortable that it ruins my day 😔
I recently bought DS (5yo) some chino type trousers for a smart occasion and thought they were fab as they had the waistband of a pair of joggers rather than make of the chino material!!

If I could get proper jeans but with a very soft waistband it would be a dream!

Unfortunately, I’m not fitting in an age 5-6y anytime soon 😅🤣 So I’m on the hunt!

Has anyone seen anything that fits the description? Every time I search for ideas it just brings up loads of links to Halara. I believe they are more of a light and thin material rather than proper denim though unfortunately!

https://www.dunelm.com/product/emily-metal-bed-frame-1000295082?defaultSkuId=31055771&size=Small+Double+4ft&colour=Cream

Am I being unreasonable to think that the gap between the bars could present a risk to a tween/young teenager, if their head were to become stuck between them? (I haven't measured the width of the gap). Or am I unreasonably stuck in some sort of baby / toddler safe sleeping mode? Tell me if IABU. Teen likes this style.

I was due on a flight that was cancelled tonight and the communication from the airline has been woeful.

Everyone at the airport just shrugged and said it wasn’t their problem, to go through the app and sort it out there.

I did that and I have a new flight tomorrow, and I’m in a hotel. I know things like dinner tonight and food tomorrow can be claimed back, but what about things like the Airbnb I’ve paid for for tonight in my original destination? I’ve messaged the hosts and explained that I won’t be there tonight, so I’m hopeful they’re going to keep the reservation for me, but if they don’t, then what?

How do I claim the compensation due under UK 261? What do I do now?

Just that really. My husband and I have literally nothing so nothing to give away!!

I've decided to treat myself, but I don't know where to start.

Firstly I don't know what else to call the kind of bag I'm after, hence "status" bag. I like Chanel, LV, which I know some fashionistas like to sneer at, so please, if that's you, respect that we all have different preferences.

I'm looking for a lovely every day bag, that I don't look stupid with on the school run etc. We live rurally, and didn't before, so all my Chanel and LV with chain straps etc would look majorly over done and I'd feel ridiculous wandering round town on casual shop with one. I do sometimes take my neverful but I'd like something much smaller. Slouchy and comfy as opposed to stiff leather.

What's a casual but still "status" bag that I could go for? I don't like massive gold logos etc like the GG Gucci bags, or the ones with big YSLs down the front. I would like it to be recognisable as branded, but from close up, not from across the street if you see what I mean.

Thank you.

Has anyone tried tanning gummies? (I’m being targeted on my Facebook feed and keep seeing them)

They apparently just give the skin a slight colour (probably orange).

I wouldn’t mind a slight orange colour- I’m blue white in colour!

I don’t want to take anything dangerous, but from looking on chat gpt they don’t actually affect the melanocytes (like tanning injections and sprays do- I would steer well clear of those!). They just deposit beta carotene pigment into the skin.

Not sure what I am asking, perhaps some perspective…

I have always been a conservative dresser with my own style, I like Reiss / VB / Mango sleek minimalism with occasional dab into 70s vibe for smart wear. Still wearing heels for work, especially on the flares day 🙈

I went from one or two days in the office to full week in July, so bought a few more items. It’s very cold in the office (long story) and it’s modest dressing dress code. Everyone looks smart but not fashion forward. I have neutral 3 blazers and 4 trousers that I mix and match, jeans sometimes. I prefer short sleeve shell tops / whitest shirts under blazers to push the sleeves up, so my sassy silk blouses are now for weekend, it’s too cold for blouses only.

I came to feel bored of what feels like wearing the same thing, those 3 damn blazers. I don’t feel smart in knitwear, so don’t wear cardigans or jumpers at work.

What should I do, buy more blazers, perhaps experiment with colours, textures, shapes? Will they still feel like wearing the same thing? I like the concept of uniform, less decision making on what to wear but also feel like I am a bit resentful of repetitive dressing.

Just wondering how much variety others have in work dressing and if you try to buy the best you can afford, how much workwear do you have? Do you accessorise more for variety? It should not matter, work is just work, but it’s long hours and makes you feel good to enjoy what you are wearing…

Sorry but it’s true. He works full time and helps around the house but has no interest in family life, days out etc. We had a holiday this year that he was miserable for. Didn’t really want to leave the resort as it would be ‘too much hard work’ with our youngest. If ever he can get out of opting out of something he will. When he has our youngest on his own there are a select few activities he might do like the park or NT but would never dream of taking her to the cinema or swimming because it’s too difficult. Whenever I suggest getting in the car and going somewhere he will huff and claim he has too much to be doing at home or that he’s ill/tired/skint. I don’t want to be busy every weekend but feel as parents we have an obligation to do stuff with our kids when we can and give them a good childhood. He is just lazy and disinterested.

There is an age gap between us - he’s in his early 50s now with a 3 year old and I understand it’s difficult. In hindsight he probably didn’t fully appreciate what having a child later in life means. But she’s here now and I’m finding his lack of enthusiasm for anything quite a turn off. I have resolved to start doing things alone with dc (I have an older child from previous marriage) but I find it sad that I’m with someone who doesn’t share my values around this stuff.

Leaving isn’t an option for me at the moment but I just need to vent. If I bring this up with him he will list a load of excuses and/or sulk so it’s not worth it. It’s bank holiday coming up and I said I might take the dc away for a night and he is practically gleeful about the prospect of being left alone. I don’t get that opportunity because he’d never offer to take them anywhere himself.

I'd say i'm a girls girl, if you call it that?
Enjoyed the company of men as friends more when younger, but had mainly female pals.
Just been for a dog walk around the neighbourhood with my family and ran into a couple around the corner. Any time we do, this woman just lights up around Dh and chats away (have seen her do this with other male neighbours too)
I've tried hard to be friendly and smiley but she's just not as friendly as with Dh and other men, laughing at his comments (he's not even that funny really 🤣) and chattering away, turning her back on me.
I don't know, maybe she just doesn't like me, which is fine, but she seems to love talking to the men, not women. I realise that sounds bitchy, I don't mean it to be, I just find it a bit annoying especially when we walk off and Dh says 'She's so nice!'
I have a feeling she maybe isn't!

Anyone had this or know what I mean?

H and I separated earlier this year. His decision, if that's relevant.

We are just talking about the legal formalities ie split of marital assets. My understanding is that there's a broad 50/50 principle for fairness, then a consideration as to whether that meets both parties needs.

Obvs housing is the key one. I am currently living in our home with dd19 and ds17. Dh is lodging locally. If we split the housing equity in half, that will give DH enough money to buy outright or very nearly a very nice flat in our area (London) and me not enough to be able to house 3 of us anywhere in London. Even taking on as big a mortgage as I can get, buying a 3 bedroom would involve us moving away from where we are now. Ds is at school in London for another year, DD is going to university and will be back for holidays etc and probably when she graduates.

Dh decided to take his pension when he turned 60 earlier this year. I am working full time and intend to go so for as long as I can and still have a job. My job is in London and I don't fancy my chances trying to get another at my age.

Both offspring want to live with me at the moment. Ds may change his mind as he gets older, but who knows?

I am struggling to see how this is fair. Dh improves his already very chilled lifestyle, while I have to uproot the children and myself and possibly not keep my job.

I don't have any family. I am on my own and would really appreciate not losing everything I have built up here.

Can anyone explain how 50/50 works when there are adult/nearly adult children to be housed?

TIA

Is it normal to have to buy all text books and exercise books etc for sixth form at a state school? Just curious really, having splashed out over £100 worth of text books this week (and that’s only half of what’s needed over the two years).

Need urgent advice please because I don't know what to make of this and I'm incapable of keeping my emotions in! Months ago I found the back of an earring on my bed and confronted DH because I'm sure it wasn't mine, he was very convincing that there was nothing untoward going on. Naive as this may sound I don't think he's the sort that would cheat, I don't see how he'd even have the time for it (he works full time and we have 2 young DC). So I chalked it up to the cleaner/something I'd forgotten that got caught up and moved inadvertently.

This evening I have just found half a fake nail on my upstairs landing and I have no explanation of where it could have come from. I've fully panicked and managed to look through DHs phone. I didn't find anything on WhatsApp, Facebook or text messages.

I do not know what to do. I want to confront him because I'm terrible at hiding my feelings but I assume if anything IS going on he will just play it off again. What should I do? Apologies for the rushed and possibly incoherent message! x

Not a real scenario, watching eastenders, and have thought about being asked to donate something to an unknown sibling

I dunno, I dont know if I would 🤔

Clothes accessories cosmetics everything.

Just to satisfy my itching brain!
Had a dream last night which featured an actor walking across a car park. He seemed familiar and I'm sure he's a real person.
The problem is, I can't think of much detail.
He's the sort of person who'd be in drama things like murder mysteries or maybe period dramas of the 1920s/1930s - he'd be playing a hotel proprietor type character.
I think he's fairly tall. He's an older actor - or at least, was then - he may have died.
White hair, with a bit of a wave, sometimes worn slicked back. A bit 'jowly' but not with a particularly wide face and has a moustache.
It's NOT Richard Griffiths. There's a similarity but the actor I'm thinking of has a narrower face than that and I don't think he has glasses.

Any ideas?

I’m not sure if this has already been posted but I noticed today that Ocado have got the M&S Christmas products now available to order.

In reference to The Most Beautiful Man thread,

Just for balance, I thought we ought to show the women as well...

Gong Li
Zhang Ziyi
Louise Brooks
Cyd Charisse

Looking for advice from people who have multiple kids and how hard you found it going from one to two. I have a two year old and really want another child but I am terrified how difficult it would be. I really struggled to adjust to one but obviously nkw I love him and our routine so much it just felt like a hard transition. My heart tells me I want more but I'm just quite scared. I would love to hear people's experiences.