We haven’t decided anything yet, so just looking for opinions really. Budget is a big concern, I don’t want to spend a lot as it’s not a huge priority for me, so it’s really whether we have a simpler celebration at a ‘nicer’ venue, or a more traditional wedding at a not so nice venue. The full on ‘wedding’ would still cost more, but maybe it would be worth it!

Things that are relevant:

• It would be during the school holidays as DP is a teacher, so children wouldn’t need the day off school.
• Lots of our friends are teachers, so they would be off work too and wouldn’t need to take annual leave.
• Quite a few of our immediate family members or close friends (including my dad and DP’s mum) work weekends, so would most likely still need to take annual leave if we had it on a Saturday. So it’s not a case of all guests who aren’t teachers would find it easier on a Saturday.
• If we did something on a weekday then we probably wouldn’t have an evening do. It would be a ceremony, followed by something like a champagne afternoon tea.

Any thoughts, given the circumstances? I also don’t know which day of the week would be best for people, really, as we also have guests we’d invite who work part time anyway.

I'm hoping for advice as I'm extremely worried.

I've lived with my father and been his main/sole carer for the past four years. Around six months ago, he had a fall and went into hospital where it was decided that he needed a care package 4 x daily to assist with personal care, meals etc. This helped greatly as I also work and was having to juggle all of this for him around working and looking after my 3 year old who I'm a single mum to.

Once carers were establised to get him up in the mornings, shower him, make meals, put him to bed etc, and he was used to the situation, I decided it was time for me to find my own property, to move out and make a permanent home for me and my DC, as I had been bearing a heavy burden being his carer for 4 years and my DC also deserved a home to call our own. It had been not only a heavy mental burden juggling everything but also physical, as he was having falls and I was having to single handeldly lift him up off the floor, and back onto his chair and this would often turn into him struggling against me, hitting out at me, telling me he would get police involved etc as it was "assault" according to him. Even things such as helping him walk to the toilet (he can manage to walk, but with a zimmer frame and is quite unsteady/unsafe), with me walking beside him and putting my hands on his shoulders and back to straighten him up so he that he was more steady and didn't fall, was met with him lashing out and shouting about it being "abuse". It was really difficult.

I bought a property in January and have been slowly spending more and more time at my new property as it was being done up. Over the past couple of months, he has been quite bitter and resentful at my moving out, saying that he'll hardly ever see my child, that I was "taking DC away from him", that he'll miss DC etc. But this was interspersed with us getting on fine. We do argue, a lot, we've always just been that way since I can remember. But no falling out has lasted more than a couple of hours.

Fast forward to last Wednesday, I called over to his with some shopping as I hadn't been over for a couple of days. The door was locked and lights were out. I knocked for ages but no answer. I called the care company office who advised me that he was safe but they couldn't tell me any more. Following this, I contacted the social work department; a social worker got back to me to advise that my dad didn't want to see me and asked me to stay away from his property. That was all the information they could give me and that's all i've heard since.

This evening, i had a missed call and a voicemail from the police, saying that its "nothing to worry about" but they will call back later on this evening, so could I please answer any calls.

I do suffer from anxiety and know that I tend to catastrophise but I am very much panicking now as contact from the police, coupled with social work having advised me that i've to stay away from my fathers property at his request, which sounds like a safeguarding issue, sounds like he has made some kind of serious allegation/s against me.

What can I expect from here? If he has made allegations against me, will I end up being arrested/charged? I'm sitting here panicking that I'm going to be arrested, go to court, put in prison etc. I have never abused him. Yes, verbally we argue a lot, but that is our way. It's also coupled with frustration and carer burnout to be honest. But I have most certainly not been abusive. I'm so worried that they will believe whatever these allegations are and that my entire life will end up being affected and ruined.

Hi all. I've got an 18mo DD who is just, a firecracker. She's always called a happy baby by everyone, and she is, but she's also absolutely savage and insane. Everything is a delight and a game and a reason to get overexcited.

Sometimes she gets handsy, other times she throws toys or pulls hair. With us, we don't mind so much but nursery have now put her on a behaviour plan! I never heard of such a thing.

When she started to be like this around 12-14mo we used to firmly tell her not to, remove her from the situation or toy or person, but not over labour the point so as not to give her attention over it. She loves the attention. We also got given a sticker chart and a set of laminated cards with red stop signs or happy or sad faces etc to help her identify her feelings or to know when to stop.

I know all toddlers can get this way but my older DD who's now 6 was never this bad. She's now on a behaviour plan where the nursery tries to track any triggers or particular people but they're not spotting any pattern. They ring us almost daily now with something she's done, and mostly she's not hurting other kids though there have been a couple of occasions of pushing or pulling. She knows how to say sorry and does it well, so understands the concepts of no or kind hands. But the thing is, for her, it's never a tantrum or upset or malicious behaviour it's the opposite- she's just happy and overexcited and misplaces the energy. She doesn't realise when she could hurt someone, she just has this thrilled look in her eye like it's all play.

At this point I genuinely feel like my little happy girl might be the first ever baby to get expelled from a nursery! I half feel indignant because, why are the nursery staff ringing me to check if I've been using the sticker chart properly when I'm at work... she's literally a 1 year old baby who can't speak yet. She's just about starting to pick up single words now. On the other hand, I know she's more demanding than my first and handsy and I'm starting to feel like a bad mum. But I literally don't know what else I can do? If I tell her off even more she just wiggles away or gets happier from the attention and eye contact. She's kind of feral but we love it and think it's just her baby nature and will grow out of it. But is there something I'm missing? Could we be trying something else? Any advice much appreciated! At this daily rate I'm sure they're going to tell us they can't handle her and we need to leave soon!

I am usually pretty emo (according to my kids) but have a lovely outside wedding-in-a-marquee in July - does this look ok or too dowdy? I don't have a massive budget, hence the pre-loved! Fabienne Chapot Archana Sleeve Cato Dress Size 38 BNWOT Summer Wedding Holiday | eBay UK

Hi everyone, looking for some opinions as I'm struggling to see the wood for the trees.

My (M40) wife (F41) have a 4 year-old daughter and a dog. We both work from home, me full-time and she has Fridays off with the kid.

We split the household chores as follows:

Me: Cooking / dishes / kitchen cleaning and tidying up, laundry, nursery drop-off and pick-up, bins, bathtime, all overnight get-ups (since she stopped breastfeeding), 3/4 of the dog walks (2 per day), finance management, ordering groceries, car stuff, house and garden DIY, one-off major physical jobs, about half the nursery and school admin.

Wife: Bedtime stories, ordering clothes, anything dog related eg vet stuff, buying things online for the house and for the kid, birthday presents for other children, watching the kid while I cook (we only allow an hour of TV every other night max) or run on a Sunday morning, swim and dance class bookings, other half of the nursery admin

She also tells me she does 'all the cognitive load stuff'.

She goes to a gym class on Monday nights, yoga on Tuesday nights, and dog agility training on Sunday late morning.

We have a cleaner once a week.

I believe we split the childcare evenly in terms of solo time with child.

My question is really - what am I missing here? I feel like I'm doing really quite a lot and I'm always on my feet. In addition I'm responsible for about 3/5 of the household income so need to keep on top of my work (I run my own business). Do I just not understand the cognitive load thing? When I ask her about it she gets very defensive ('oh you're accusing me of not pulling my weight again') and it's hard to have a sensible discussion.

I'm basically concerned I'm being a stupid man and not understanding something.

I would like to take my daughter to Africa on holiday. For context, I am Black British and my husband is white. He does not like long-haul flights and is refusing to agree to the trip. His view is that because I visited South Africa four years ago, there is no need for us to travel to Africa again, and that we should choose a closer destination such as Europe instead.
My daughter, who is of mixed African heritage, has never been to Africa and is devastated that she is not being allowed to go.

My husband is threatening to divorce me, should I go ahead and book the holiday?

I’m not talking about abuse, toxic dynamics, safety issues or situations where the friendship had clearly broken down.

I mean situations where the friend had done nothing obviously wrong, you liked them, valued the friendship, things seemed broadly fine… yet you still abruptly stopped replying, drifted away completely or effectively ghosted them.

I find it such a strange and painful thing to experience and I know quite a few people it’s happened to.

After enough time passes, I imagine reaching back out probably starts to feel awkward or loaded, which maybe makes the silence continue even longer.

But if you’ve done this, why? What was going on for you at the time? How do you feel about it now? Do you ever think about reconnecting or apologising?

I’m genuinely trying to understand rather than attacking anyone.

A friend is getting married in NYC later this year. The dress code is black tie. The venue has not been disclosed and will not be disclosed until the day of the event to avoid media attention as they are within the celebrity sphere (I know them through family and am very much not from this world)
Any advice on something suitably glamorous given there may be a few A listers present and I don’t want to look out of place? I’m 5’7, size 8-10. Budget not really an issue

I over doubled my salary in a year, after only 1 year back to full time work after kids.

See so many questions around salary and career changing so thought I’d love to offer some advice based on what worked for me! AMA!

Time for another thread. Spring and Summer releases are trickling out to tempt us AND the advent calendar waitlists are appearing...hope you are all feeling suitably Christmassy. 😂

Thanks everyone who continues to contribute to the chatter and welcome to any newbies who want to join in.

NC for this.

I was out for dinner with BF, his DC and some friends for BF’s birthday.

He has full custody of his DC.

His xGF, mother of the DC, turned up at the restaurant and started screaming in my face accusing me of hitting the eldest DC and then started asking the DC if I had been drinking something alcoholic. I had one beer with my meal.

Just shocked by it all - she refused the take the children at the weekend when it was her EOW and just turned up with her other DC from another father.

I just don’t know how I should have reacted. I should have walked away and tried to ignore her. But I tried to defend myself. I did ignore at first and even turned my back on her but she came up to my face and pointed her finger in my face.

She can see eldest child’s location on Google Family. I find this a major intrusion in our lives. And must ensure that if the DC are at my house the eldest one doesn’t have their phone.

Just as it says in the title really.
Everything seemed fine until around 7 weeks ago. Then out of nowhere my husband accused me of being controlling, saying that over the course of our relationship, I had stopped him doing things he enjoyed and that I had said some hurtful things during arguments, which we were said in the heat of the
moment.
I held my hands up to saying hurtful things and said it came from a place where I felt as though there has been no consideration for me and as though my feelings aren’t worth anything. He often stays in bed on a morning while I sort out our kids who are all still young and I have said I have expectations that he helps out on a morning too. As for the controlling him, I have said to him over the years that sometimes it’d be nice if he would miss football for the odd weekend so we could do things as a family or have expressed my dislike at him coming in from a night out at 5am when we have children and other responsibilities.
He has mentioned occasions from 10+ years ago where I’ve asked him to forego football to spend the day with me after we’d been at work all week and I honestly don’t know how he can even remember specifics from that far back.
We both work full time and I work nights predominantly due to childcare.
Around 6 weeks ago he said he had hit his limit and wasn’t sure if he wanted to continue with our relationship. This threw me into a very dark place and I said I would take a step back in terms of losing my temper when I feel like I’m not being heard, which I’ve done, although he said this isn’t enough. I’m now on antidepressants, signed off sick from work and have a therapy appointment booked.
He has said he is done and is now looking for somewhere else to live but refuses to leave our home (rented not bought) until he has found somewhere. He has turned so cold towards me and acts like he hates me. I go from feeling devastated to angry and at this point feel as though I’m stuck in some awful limbo.
I’ve been in touch with a solicitor but was just hoping others who have been in the same boat could give me words of wisdom that things will feel less dark in time?
Thank you

Just that really. Currently on day 6 of an ear infection. Started as an outer ear infection, I was given antibacterial ear drops 2 days after the pain started (as I’ve had that feeling before which goes away so wanted to wait before seeing GP).

I was using them as instructed for 2 days along with alternating paracetamol and ibuprofen. No relief whatsoever, and yesterday my ear popped and some muck came out of it so I went back to my GP. My eardrum has ruptured and I’ve got a middle ear infection so am on some oral antibiotics and prescription strength pain killers.

Here is where, in my opinion the assholery behaviour starts.

Ive worked all through this, done all the school pick ups and drop offs, done my share of the housework etc without complaining but this morning (day 6 of infection, day 2 of stronger meds) my temperature spiked to 39 degrees Celsius, I’m shivering and can’t get warm, the pain is something else, I can barely lift my head off the pillow without wanting to be sick.

I didn’t really sleep last night either due to the pain so I called in sick to work today and I have another appt with the GP tomorrow (on their advice) as I really should be starting to feel better now, even if just a little bit when in reality I’m feeling worse. The whole side of my face hurts that side and I can’t open my mouth properly to chew food without my ear hurting even more.

He has had to do the school runs, dinner and dishes today, and is highly likely to need to do them tomorrow unless a miracle happens overnight. He’s been stomping around the house, moaning that he’s having to work as well as do “all your stuff” how im lazy and it’s “just an ear infection” and that im wasting resources with all these appointments and medications.

AIBU to think he’s being an asshole about me being ill or should I get a grip as it’s “just an ear infection”?

I’ve booked a trip to London to find a dress for DSD wedding in Cyprus in July. Am looking for suggestions of which shops I should try. I have up to £300 to spend on my outfit (not including shoes)

I was in a supermarket , at the till. There was an elderly couple in front of me. The man was dressed smartly, the lady looked awful, she had greasy hair which stuck to her head, ulcers on her legs, she was hunched over the trolley using it to hold herself up and she smelt absolutely awful, very strongly of urine and body odour.

As soon as they’d been served and walked away a member of staff appeared and sprayed room spray all around where they’d been standing, he pulled a disgusted face as did the lady on the till who then turned to me and laughed. I didn’t react.

I just felt awful for that lady. I’m recently disabled myself and I can easily see how without the correct support you can end up like this. You are so vulnerable. The staff members were relatively young, probably not had enough life experience to see anything other than a smelly woman.

Just wanted to share really, it made me so sad.

My daughter is 3 years 3 months and I’m trying to understand other parents’ experiences with sensitive/anxious toddlers because I go back and forth wondering what’s typical.
At home she’s actually doing really well in a lot of areas:

• plays independently for pretty long stretches (pretend play, books, dinosaurs, doctor games, etc.)
• follows multi-step instructions
• has good imaginative play and makes up dialogue
• can sit for circle-time type activities for around 15 minutes
• shares and generally plays well with other kids
• sleeps well and usually regulates herself pretty well

• if lots of kids are crowding a slide/playground area she can get overwhelmed and cry
• she gets nervous in unfamiliar places or when driving somewhere new or when new peppa are in the house she gets overly silly to mask her
• she’s more of a cautious “slow to warm up” child

• did anyone else have a very sensitive/cautious 3-year-old?
• did they grow out of the overwhelm with age/exposure?
• how did you help build confidence in group settings without forcing it too hard?

What age were your dc when they first went to the dentist? How often do they go?

just looking for other stats. A chat with a friend has made me think 🤔

My best friend (54M) is getting married next year. to his fiancée (35F) been together years and have a young child together.
She is moving into his home permanently and giving up her own place in the process. He has more savings and assets than she does, & she has zero. which is why he originally wanted a prenup as he had been stung in the past in relationships.
From what I understand, she was very hurt by the idea and basically said she wouldn’t feel able to go through with the marriage if there was a prenup involved. she has said that marriage should mean full commitment and security, especially when she’s giving up independence and financial stability to build a life together.

He ended up deciding he would rather marry her without a prenup than lose the relationship.
i personally think he’s being naive and worry that refusing any prenup is a red flag.

Does anyone know what could have caused this?
I usually have good skin. I'm in my 50s and been on a hrt patch for a while so that's not new. No other meds.
I'm abroad next week should be sunny. I'm worried it'll get worse.
Also can anyone recommend a good sun cream for the face?
TIA

A bit of a whinge really and wondering if it is the same for other people. I find sandals so bloody hard to find.

Criteria
Leather
Comfortable
Look stylish - not orthopaedic or for the very elderly
Absolutely no velcro
Can't have a solid strap across the toes, as I have skinny feet and they are always too wide
Ankle or heel strap needed
No wedge heels
No high heels
Not completely flat either
No toe posts
No studs, sequins or anything sparkly

Realise that is a lot of criteria, but it must be possible!

The en suite sink has been very slow draining and sometimes water has been sitting in sink until following day..I’ve tried vinegar and baking soda twice a few days ago, drain snake nothing unblocked it.
So this evening about 7pm dh decided to put sink unblocker into sink but he had to remove stagnant water that had been sitting there first then he poured the unblocker into sink and its still sitting there it hasn’t moved.
I’m really stressed about toxic gas so I’ve come downstairs to try and sleep on settee not happening! dh is mad thinks I’m overreacting as I left the en suite light on for the vent and opened the bedroom window a bit.. I was scared fumes would get into our bedroom ..so I’m worried the chemical will still be sitting in sink in morning what do I do obviously we can’t get it out

I didn’t know which category to put this in! Would especially love to hear opinions from seasoned campers and vanners.
we need to release money for our sons house deposit. We don’t have it all so would remortgage for some of it.
we have a VW campervan which we could sell
basically the financial difference between keeping or selling the van would be around £400 over 4 and a half years.
just writing it out here it seems like a no brainer!
but we do love our weekends in the van. Anyone switched to a tent from a van and kept their relationship intact? We tend to just do weekends.

Long story short we went to Disney couple of years ago - kids wanted to go back so will be going for two weeks in October half term.

Sister's kids are desperate to go, but as a family it's out of their budget. We have a great relationship with sister and BIL, but don't want to offend them (well him I know sister would be delighted)

How do we go about offering, I was thinking probably speak with her first?

A friend thinks that it’s a ripoff but it seems like a pretty good deal to me and I’m curious to know what it would cost in your area?

12 inch pizza with two toppings. Fish and chips for one(Two pieces of fish) A portion of chips, a portion of onion rings and a 2 litre bottle of Coke?

TIA

I know I'll get flamed for this but I don't get it when couples only have joint finances and nothing separate.

Me and DH have a joint account to cover joint expenses (house, cars childcare) etc. We each put same in each month as earn similar.

We also have joint saving pots for certain things where we put certain amount into eg holiday, emergency fund, kids stuff.

That's it. Anything left stays in our separate personal accounts for whatever we please.

This seems like a logical way to do it. All joint obligations are sorted together but we still retain independence with what's left.

A friend of mine only does joint. She only works part time so a different situation to us but husband monitors every penny in and out. If she buys something he doesn't agree with or that she didn't clear with him first, he brings it up.

I told her my arrangement and she just said 'yes well we like to manage all the money together, as a team'. Right ok, sounds more like financial abuse than team work but hey ho