Non fatal strangulation and choking during sex

[ArabellaScott]

Grim read.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c62zwy0nex0o

'...recent survey by the government-funded charity the Institute For Addressing Strangulation, external (IFAS), suggests strangling is most common in the 16-34 age group, with 35% of respondents reporting they had been choked by a partner during consensual sex.

Some 16% of all UK-based respondents (385 out of 2,344) have been strangled once or more during consensual sex, and the data shows a slightly higher proportion of women have experienced it compared with men.

Half of the sample who had experienced it said they had agreed to it, while 17% said they hadn't.'

horrific

I was thinking about this yesterday. Why do men seem to enjoy it? DH does this to me every time we have sex… it’s never been discussed, it’s just “normal”.

I have my suspicions that Amanda's boyfriend (after a Court visit and Jail term) would not be sticking around to spoon feed her and wipe her ass after a stroke and they would not find that "hot".

And the State would end up picking up the tab for both of them ....... so it kind of is everybodys business.

The idea of choking is horrible and strikes me as an expression of men's underlying dislike of women and the need to show dominance. It was not a thing ever heard of when I was a young woman. I worry for my granddaughters.

@Needanewnamey why have you allowed him to do this to you? He could kill you?

There's nothing normal about it. At best it's a kink. I hope the sex is good enough to be worthy of the risk.

WHAT? I'm horrified by this. do you mind sharing your and DH age group? you do realise this was definitely not a 'normal' thing for woman who are now in their 40s when we grew up.

God no of course it’s not ‘normal’ in real life. Maybe it is in porn.
Have you ever told him to stop it?

it's illegal

Non-fatal suffocation occurs when a person uses unlawful force on a victim, whether intentionally or recklessly, that affects the victim’s ability to breathe, for example by putting a hand over the victim’s mouth or compressing the chest. No physical injuries need be caused for the offences to be committed.

https://www.sentencingcouncil.org.uk/news/item/non-fatal-strangulation-and-suffocation-offences-proposed-sentencing-guideline-published/

Jesus Christ, put a stop to this, get away! He could disable or kill you.

Talk to him. If you don't like it (not don't mind it, actually actively want it) then say so.

That's one of the problems of normalisation, he may just think it's what you do during sex.

Honestly, even if you're keen, the risk of stroke or other brain injury isn't zero, but if it's not something you actively desire then that should be an end to it.

Half of the sample who had experienced it said they had agreed to it, while 17% said they hadn't.

I wonder if they’ve got that stat broken down by sex. I’d guess most men who didn’t want to be strangled by a woman could stop her whereas a woman is less likely to be able to stop a man.

Really? Don't you feel you can tell him to stop it, that you don't like it?

I hope, and suspect, that younger generations of girls and women will move away from casual sex. It's never good sex, and it is certainly not liberating.

The sex drive and the agressive drive are linked through testosterone, certainly in men.

The idea of choking is horrible and strikes me as an expression of men's underlying dislike of women and the need to show dominance. It was not a thing ever heard of when I was a young woman.

This is exactly how I feel about it. As always happens with these threads some posters will come along and say that they love it. Love the thrill of being almost killed in the pursuit of some man's ejaculation. Truly horrifying.

Maybe when it has become normal for you - being on the edge and flooded with fear is experienced as a thrill; as a heightened emotion - which is then translated by the brain as pleasure.

Tantric sex is the practice of letting go of your boundaries and trusting - but you cannot trust someone who you feel or know could kill you or destroy you in any moment. I guess some people get addicted to the thrills of danger. Which is sad, certainly in the context of sex.

We’re both mid-30s but have been together 15 years and this has always been a feature. The sex isn’t great tbh but we’ve always had trouble discussing sex/wants/dislikes etc

It is awful. Certainly wasn’t a thing in my day. I am 45 and stopped dating in my late twenties so it does seem like a thing that’s really come to the fore over the last twenty years.

I think it parallels with porn. When I was younger it was as all quite vanilla. The extreme stuff had to come from Germany and even that was just too people having regular sex most of the time but you could see penetration.

Now porn is really extreme and sex has followed. I have daughters and am really concerned about them in the future. Very focused on making sure they have strong boundaries and bucketloads of self respect.

How can it be normal. It's a danger to life. Who wants to be with a psychopath.

I've done breath play a lot with various people, if you're into it then you're into it 🤷‍♀️ it's easy to find how to be safe when doing it

What! you have put up with this for 15 years. It's illegal.

Really? How hard does he press? Is it actually choking you?

As a man in his fifties, i can't believe what i'm reading here. This has never entered my head, and definitely never featured in any of my relationships. It feels like skirting around rape fantasy to me. Porn needs to be banned.

My partner likes to put his hand around my throat during sex but I trust him completely. It’s not very often, we both discuss it, it’s not violent and we have a great sex life.
I would never have let anyone else do it.