Non fatal strangulation and choking during sex

[ArabellaScott]

Grim read.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c62zwy0nex0o

I read an article that discussed the increase in young women / teenage girls presenting for medical treatment after being injured during porn inspired sex. It was grim but I guess something parents and responsible adults need to be aware of so we know what to tell daughters to keep them safe, and sons and try to shape them into decent people.

I naively just tried Google to find and share the article and Jesus Wept, the horrific results that came up with description captions for links to porn videos of injured girls being ...by doctor/s. Feeling more than a bit queasy. There's some very disturbed individuals out there. Also somewhere there will be teams of people making this as part of their day job, with varying degrees of consent and autonomy.

Thinking out loud - There are young girls needing colostomy bags. Is it going to take a generation of young women suffering injuries to spread the message for the next generation that this is not OK? As in "did you hear what happened to Tara? That's really scared me off it." That would have more impact than a parent / teacher telling them. And then word of mouth down the next generation... but I suspect those with injuries won't talk about them (understandably) so the risks still won't become known.

No, that's not a good take. We need to educate boys to do better, not slut shame girls.

It's always a relief seeing @PinotPony post. That's reality. I just hope @WavyRavey reads Pinot's post and thinks again about their idea that strangling can be perfectly safe. It can't.

I'm a speech therapist - so I work around throats, communication, strokes, breathing and swallowing, and with people living with significant disability in those areas. I've had a fairly lively sex life in my time including playing around with power and control. I can contemplate people pissing on each other or whatever and just say 'nah not for me', and discuss the power dynamics potentially involved without heat, but strangling is a whole different thing.

A "very skilled" firefighter... OK now you're just showing off.

Joking - I agree. It was not a thing at all when I was in that phase of life some 20 years ago. Now it's so common and directly related to violent porn.

I am forever telling my kids to stay away from necks, no strangling - they aren't at that age yet but it's not far off and I want them to know it's never acceptable to strangle someone during sex. and if that's "kink shaming" or "yukking someone's yum" I can live with it.

My DH has never done this - I don’t think it is ‘normal’ as none of my friends have ever said anything

I read the BBC news headline earlier “he strangled me without asking “

As a 70 year I find it incomprehensible that women are allowing this practice and accepting that it’s normal. WTF is going on when it’s ok to be strangled as long as he asks permission first.

I feel sickened on a daily basis when I contemplate the world my grandchildren are growing up in. Especially the girls.

I hope to God it is made illegal

I dated a guy a few years ago,and the exact same thing happened

He pushed his thumb under my jaw/tongue with his other hand round my neck and I couldn't breathe

I genuinely thought I was going to die-hed stopped me breathing

I told him never to do that again-and he did it again the next time we had sex

We broke up that night and I told him he was bang out of order

Only to get back 'fuck off you silly bitch,you enjoyed it'

We had a mutual friend (the one who had set us up in the first place) and he told her I'd consented and was 'making a fuss over nothing' as it was an awful break up

She took his side,to me to 'stop making a fuss' and I should have just gone along with it as it helps him 'get off'

I went to the police who's attitude was 'bit of bad sex?'and 'You must have enjoyed it and only making a fuss now because you've broken up'

It's definitely a porn 'thing' and needs to be made illegal

(I was a size 14 and 5'7,he was 18 stone and 6'2-i could have died and the defence would have been 'sex games gone wrong' implying I concented,so would have been partly to blame for my own death)

Mostly men - not all men are rapey and dominance obsessed in relationships.

I remember seeing footage of a climate rally and young women holding up signs saying "choke me not the planet" - it's become something they feel they have to accept and be cool with.

I swear misogyny just morphs.

You don't seem to like it which means he should not be doing it - we don't do things our partners do not like during sex.

Even people mega into kink agree there is no safe way or place to apply pressure to the throat. Damage may not be apparent till days later.

I'm glad you haven't been seriously harmed yet, but claiming there are safe ways to strangle someone is spreading dangerous misinformation.

I briefly dated a guy when I was in my late 20s, now mid 40s, and he asked if he could choke me. I politely declined then never saw him again. I mean…at least he asked?!

Thank you for sharing this, I found the article somewhat frustratingly toothless, but I get it's the BBC.

I'll see if I can find (I think it was a New York times article) that covered the dangers and prevalence amongst young people more.

Turns out 2/3 of young women (I think they said under 26) have been strangled.
I'm one of them and I despair. It is terrifying and so so upsetting how many men are aroused at the idea of strangling (and therefore potentially disabling or murdering) women.

The neck is an erogenous zone. I like light touching of my neck, stroking, but strangulation? Abso-fucking-lutely not!

It does. Kinks being paraded as 'normal' is behind it. So is branding loving, consensual sex without kinks (i.e. not strangling, not anal intercourse (which is only of interest to men since women have no sensation except of pressure whilst the tightness of the anus is exciting for men), not any sort of BDSM) 'vanilla' sex. Normal and loving is being branded as boring and kinks (which used to kept in the cupboard) are now pressed particularly on women, who are 'frigid' if they do not agree to these 'exciting' practices.

Really? I feel sad for you.

They enjoy it because you can't get a more dominant & symbolic act than literally toying with someone's life, silencing a woman by taking her breath. I believe that strangulation is the top cause of death in domestic violence situations.

Yes, I agree with Jade. They can fuck right off with "Breath play".
Use of the word "play" is just trying to normalise potentially fatal abuse. But we'll just downgrade that and make it sound as if it's normal and expected.

I am a woman in my 50s and heartily concur. This has NOT ever been a thing at all in any of my relationships, and really wasn't the norm in our generation growing up. Also just to point out to those who seem to imagine anyone over the age of 40 was somehow living in Victorian times, us Gen Xers were certainly not known to be prudish, we were a sexually liberal generation in the main. But in my experience, mutual pleasure tended to be the watchword. Maybe just my circle, but we all also seemed to be a hell of a lot clearer on our understanding of consent and boundaries also than I observe with younger people these days.

I find it both sad and scary that strangulation of women has been normalised as "hot" or that harmful kinks gleaned from violent porn are seen as the only possible way to have "good sex" now, with anyone who doesn't being decried as "vanilla." Ugh.

Don't be utterly daft. 'Breath play'🙄my arse.

It's 'safe' until it isn't. And that means death for the woman.

Fucking hell I'm so sorry that happened to you. The attitude of the police is absolutely sickening. They will all be watching porn as well and getting off on this violent shit so how can they take your complaints seriously? Porn needs binned if violence against women and girls is to be taken seriously.

🫂🫂🫂please get out of there, I'm so sorry he's subjected you to this, and Im so sorry the world lead you to believe this is normal and harmless

It's safe until it's not. At which point it is too late.

@Poppymeldrum Jesus. I would have found this so distressing.

That was sexual assault. Compounding that is the fact you weren't believed or supported as you should have been. Your friend will learn life lessons the hard way, but the police response was terrible. So sorry you had to go through that.

A man who finds it arousing to be actually enacting a move that has a high risk of ending a woman's life is just.... beyond words.

That's appalling. I'm so sorry he did that to you.