Non fatal strangulation and choking during sex

[ArabellaScott]

Grim read.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c62zwy0nex0o

Yet another "kink" that's now gone "mainstream" . Sex is now gone from something special between two people that love each other (call me old fashioned,I don't care ) to something tawdry. All this alleged empowerment of women via "FWB" situations etc etc is where it all starts. Porn and the acceptance of it. Kinks being paraded at pride festivals. Some things need to be kept behind closed doors. Strangulation is sinister and depraved and no woman was ever empowered by it. Ever.

Half of the sample who had experienced it said they had agreed to it, while 17% said they hadn't.' What about the rest. I wonder if the males being strangled are in same sex relationships. @Needanewnamey as pp's have said NOT normal, why have you not discussed it? Do you enjoy it? Dangerous territory.

You just say your partner likes it you dont say you do.

@Needanewnamey

My DH has never done it, or expressed a desire to, in fact he finds the idea quite frightening and a bit rapey. I don’t think it is “men”.

Kinks being paraded at pride festivals.
This has nothing to do with men strangleing women.

To be fair back in my 20s (I'm now late 40s) I enjoyed a fair amount of casual sex/ONS.

Not once did any of those men attempt strangulation or any other aggressive action.

Unfortunately much of this happens (and almost all of the awful cases where the woman dies in the act) within an apparent "relationship "

Shall we not be blaming her? It's never been discussed, she hasn't "allowed" him, he has just done it.

Oh and most of that sex was fantastic. I had my first orgasm during a ONS with a very skilled firefighter. So it can very much be liberating

Until it's not safe

@Needanewnamey Do you not feel able to talk to him about it? This sounds very worrying to me.

How can an act that "should" be an expression of love, in a relationship, involve strangulation?

whatever happened to dressing up as a Nurse, to please you partner.... now its "i'll play the part of a murder victim for you dearest!"

Full report here:

ifas.org.uk/report-on-strangulation-during-sex-in-the-uk/

Apologies this reads out of context ... I intended to quote a pp who was linking this to casual sex and it not being enjoyable

And yet there are ways to press that people do quite safely, I've been doing it on and off and not til the point of fainting since I was a teenager, I'm much older and totally fine! It's not for everyone sure, but to think everyone who engages in it is a misogynistic git or a self hating woman is a little out there

@Needanewnamey this is really concerning to read. Anything restrictive or potentially dangerous during sex needs to be discussed and agreed in advance. You should feel 100% confident that if you told him to stop that he would do so immediately. If you can’t discuss this as adults then you don’t have the trust to be doing such dangerous acts.

It sounds like you are not into this at all which is entirely understandable, it’s not most people’s idea of a good time and probably goes a long way to explain why the sex is so bad. You don’t say if you’ve ever objected to what your partner does but either way enthusiastic consent is a minimum for all sexual contact. You need to address this with him asap. Until you can have a proper conversation about this then you can’t be having sex like this, he’s putting your health at risk.

Fucking hell I am so glad I'm old...

I'd bet my nan that a large % of men who enthusiastically do this deep down do not like nor respect women and see them as a person to fulfil their needs

I’m sorry I know this is a serious thread (and as a woman in my 40s who’s been married nearly 20 years I’m horrified and sad that strangulation is considered normal in sex these days)

but “I had my first orgasm with a very skilled firefighter” has made me laugh. I work in a fire & rescue service (i am not a firefighter) and don’t think being a skilled lover is part of the training / daily routines 😂

I assumed the number of men being choked is by other men. Can't imagine many women indulge in choking their partner.

This is so sad. I can't imagine being in a relationship like that. Even at 19 I felt able to say what I liked and what i wasn't prepared to do - and that was respected. Why are you putting up with crap, dangerous sex from a man you can't communicate with?

https://ifas.org.uk/get-help/

I'm just leaving this link here for anyone who's been affected by NFS or choking and is worried.

The report breakout is not sex specific
The strangulation could be same sex M/M or F/F.

And I am sure we will see a poster saying she strangles her male partner and it just "super safe fun".
And kink being on public display at "family friendly" events plays into the dynamic of creating a social respectability for porn etc.

The words "get your hands off my throat" come to mind.

'In terms of gender, this survey found 35% of males and 36% of females in the 16-34 age group reporting ever having been strangled/choked during consensual sex.
Additionally, 39% of males and 20% of females in the same age group having reportedly strangled/choked a partner during consensual sex.'

Breath play? Really? Why not call it what it is? How exactly does a woman get into being strangled for pleasure? Did you start out by doing it to yourself? Or were you introduced to it by some pornified man?

I bet it wasn't a woman who came up with the term 'breath play' to try and make strangling someone sound palatable. Grim.