Non fatal strangulation and choking during sex

[ArabellaScott]

Grim read.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c62zwy0nex0o

I wouldn't want to do it to him and he's never asked. It can be risky but I still enjoy it. He's been doing it for years without any ill effect. Chocking someone for less than 30 seconds is not the same as doing it for several minutes.

Porn may not have invented it, but porn is absolutely the reason it - and other things - has become common place to the point many, many men assume that choking (and anal for example) is just a part of big standard sex.

I've been on the swinging scene for over 20 years, so not shy about discussing sex or kinks with people in that scene, and the changes in the prevalence of choking can absolutely be lined up with online porn becoming more and more easily accessible.

Expectations of what is standard/normal around sex have changed massively since the internet came along. That's absolutely undeniable.

Well no and punching someone once isn’t the same as punching someone ten times but both are still inherently risky to do.

There is no safe way to strangle someone. There literally isn’t.

When your partner does that, even with your consent, he risks injuring you or worse and if you (god forbid) died then your consent would not be a defence.

Every time he strangles you, starving your brain temporarily of oxygen, he breaks the law and endangers your health. Whether you consent or not, that is a fact.

Here’s a round up of what choking for ‘less than 30 seconds’ can do @LoveFridaynight

• Can cause blood vessel damage, nerve injury, or loss of consciousness in as little as 10 seconds (especially with carotid artery compression).
• Unconsciousness can occur in 5–10 seconds if blood flow to the brain is fully blocked.
• May cause memory loss, dizziness, headaches, or vocal cord damage even without full loss of consciousness.
• Often leaves no visible marks, making it easy to underestimate its impact.

Here is a good article that explains the dangers.

‘There is no safe way to do it’: the rapid rise and horrifying risks of choking during sex
Now thought to be the second most common cause of stroke in women under 40, it can also lead to difficulty swallowing, incontinence, seizures, memory problems, depression, anxiety and miscarriage. How has this extreme practice been normalised?

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2025/jul/07/no-safe-way-risks-of-choking-during-sex

@LoveFridaynight

I wanted to share this section of the guardian article too as it’s really important that you and your partner understand the risks you’re taking. This isn’t people shaming you, it’s people being concerned about your wellbeing because you’re doing something inherently dangerous. When you read the below, and consider the potential consequences as well as the fact your consent wouldn’t be a defence for your partner should the worst happen… is it really worth it?

—

Necks are alarmingly fragile. Blocking the jugular vein requires less pressure than opening a can of Coke. Evidence suggests that strangulation is now the second most common cause of stroke in women under 40.

According to one piece of sobering research, it’s more dangerous than the torture known as waterboarding, because strangulation affects blood flow as well as airflow. Though some cases can cause loss of consciousness in seconds and death in minutes, in others consequences can be delayed by weeks.

It can cause a change in voice, difficulty swallowing, incontinence, seizures, problems with memory, decision-making and concentration, depression, anxiety, miscarriage.

Why would you not want to do it to him?
Why can’t you hold your breath instead?
What was your childhood/ young adulthood like?

I know there can be a risk. We both do. We're in our 40s so we're not naive kids. But you have to remember we all risk our lives every day doing things. Driving, drinking, smoking, having kids can all lead to death or illness but people still choose to do that.
In no way am I saying it's okay without consent, in no way am I saying women should put up with it because their partner likes it.
The truth is I have a condition which is far more likely to kill me than any sex act. No idea how long I'll live for (could be years) but it's probably made me more willing to take risks became I want to enjoy myself while I can.
Obviously I wouldn't want my DH to go to prison if things went too far but I have to trust him and trust myself not to let things get out of hand

Neither you nor your partner have any control over the injuries you could sustain from this practice. Perhaps you will regret it when you are paralysed after a stroke & your partner is in prison? To repeat a PP ‘There is no safe way to do it’

Well he is an absolute idiot to partake in it at all- given that it is illegal and on the basis of strict liability.

I really really hope you don’t in any way normalize it for any children in your house when you are educating them about sex and relationships.

People enjoy all sorts of things, but there is a reason why some people have to be protected from their own stupidity and proclivities.

Obviously I wouldn't want my DH to go to prison if things went too far but I have to trust him and trust myself not to let things get out of hand

Well you would be dead, so would have no say in it.
Unfortunately for both of you, it is much more likely that he would get a prison sentence as a sexual offender. (my opinion of course a prison sentence would be very well deserved). Should he ‘merely’ inflict a stroke on you I also would hope he would be reported by the hospital and jailed.

And it isn’t personal - I want all men whose orgasms are bound with choking to be jailed.

Imagine not being able to cum unless you’re giving a woman brain damage…geez

Or being the woman who asks for it.

What does that imply?

Your last sentence there shows you haven’t actually taken on board at all what people have shared when it comes to the science of strangling.

You can’t ensure it doesn’t ’get out of hand’. It’s impossible. There is factually no safe way to restrict the oxygen to someone’s brain. It is inherently dangerous and it is unpredictable. What is ‘fine’ one time could be catastrophic the next time. Pressing very slightly harder / very slightly to the left or right of a previous time could be the difference between ‘just’ being dizzy / passing out / dying.

I love sex. I love my partner. I’m not a prude. But this is one of the only things you simply cannot do safely even if it’s consensual.

I hope your health condition isn’t one that makes it even more dangerous to be strangled by a man. Bizarrely one who claims to love you despite strangling you which I find it hard to understand, especially if you have a life limiting illness which I am very sorry to hear

I don't tend to share my sexual activities with my kids (who does) so they don't know what I like. Also I never said anything about choking making either of us orgasm. It's not the only thing we do, we don't do it every time, just sometimes. Frankly I wish I hadn't bothered to post anything now.

@LoveFridaynight

Tbf with everyone you’ve proactively shared that you do something that is so inherently dangerous it’s literally a crime.

People have simply shared information about that with you to make you aware of it so you can make an informed decision.

You clearly feel that the risks associated with your husband strangling you, restricting the oxygen to your brain with all the potential consequences of that, are worth it so there’s not much more anyone can say really.

Yeah, except No, that’s not what I said at all.
I said I hope you don’t normalize choking for your children in the context of teaching them about sex and relationships.

See if you can spot the difference: “I love being strangled during sex” or “Some people like to engage in breath play as part of a loving relationship, and that’s fine because we don’t judge.”
Whilst we agree that No.1 is creepy and abusive, No.2 is still disturbing and really setting both sons and daughters up for extremely problematic practices, for which they could be jailed, be permanently brain damaged or left dead.

There is no safe way to choke someone.

you can go from fully conscious to unconscious (with attendant urinary and/ or faecal incontinence so sexy…) in 15 seconds. Such treatment is linked to lack of memory for detail. Anoxia causes brain damage.

Anyone who wants or needs to indulge in it needs to think long and hard about why they are linking sex with an assault on another human being

It should not be normalised.

My eldest has a friend who apparently does engage in breath play and my DD says she doesn't ever want to try it. So I'm not worried about it from that view. I simply said her friend has decided she likes it but it can be very dangerous with severe consequences.
Just because I do something risky doesn't mean I'd encourage my kids to do it or make it normal. I'm not a totally crap parent.

her friend has decided she likes it

or

”well she is risking her life, and her partner is committing a crime doing it at all and risking a jail sentence- which of the two is the bigger idiot is hard to tell”

So you do soft soap it to your child to avoid looking at your own behaviour.

And BTW when I said breath play it was loaded with sarcasm to indicate I know it is a sanitising euphemism for strangling.

You’re risking your life for a sex act. Your husband is risking killing the mother of his children and being sent to prison for a sex act.

That’s not great parenting.

I've mentioned this on here before. My daughter has some brain damage caused by a blood clot. She functions pretty well but does struggle with concentration and memory. Also some emotional problems. I will never understand how anyone can risk that (and worse) for a bit of a thrill.

Porn producers have 2 drivers which motivate them to make stronger and weirder porn.

1. Their customers get accustomed to and bored with what is being offered. They need 'kinkier' material to get aroused
2. Their competitors are making stronger porn and so they are forced to make even stronger weirder porn to gain a point of difference

Porn users copy porn because they see the actors writhing and screaming in ecstacy and they want to be 'good' at sex. They feel that porn reflects real life and that, if they don't do all that weird stuff, they'll be judged by their sexual partners as shit in bed. But it's all a con. Nobody who has a good sex life is having porn sex. It's all performative.

It's so sad. Guys are trying so hard to be a stud and not realising how unenjoyable it is for their partners. I don't even think it's enjoyable for most of them. And women are putting up with it because they think it's just required of them. What a mess

100% @Emptyandsad It's ridiculous really, one of life's truly free pleasures twisted for profit, causing extensive harm to individuals and at societal level, and so many people can't even see it. I genuinely believe in this day and age that loving your own body as it is and having porn-free enjoyable sex are now almost political acts of defiance.