X Factor - Best of British Week. I think we'll need it.

[RudolphUcker]

Tis I btw, Sue. In Christmas guise.

So it's Dear Old Blighty week. This is a new thing and promises to be second in mawkishness and misplaced patriotism only to the MiliWives screeching Jerusalem at the Pride of Britain awards, wearing GingerSpice outfits, straddling a Gurkha apiece. In bowler hats. that may not have happened but I could see it

The Babyshits are paying tribute to the armed forces, in particular Pretty Shit's brother - who is a Marine fingers crossed for photos

Rylan is doing a mash-up. I am hoping for I Vow To Thee My Country mixed with London Town.

Nothing on the rest. Nanfucker doing 'Grandma, we love you'? Pinhead being angsty and 'urban'? Same old, same old

Oh, and Wand Erection are doing a one-off performance, in a cunning bid to get their entire fan base watching the Baby Shits.

Any predictions?

Well the obvs ones are Tuttutitlookslikesnow/Christmas. Or TutTutItsBeginningToLookALotLikeXmas if it'll fit.

Or name ones are my favourite, obviously.

OpheliaBaubles
MissElleToe

erm...... am thinking....

Cough it up Boffles, you'll feel the better for it.

MsElleTow might look better.

I like MsElleTow

Then it is yours, Tuttut. Your first Christmas present
Assuming no bugger has it.

Please, please, please, please get rid of NanFucker this week.
Someone? God? Jesus? Magical Elves? Anybody?
I bloody hate him, and that is a word I never use lightly.

TA-DA

Rudolph!

Like it, Tut

We're not going to know who anyone is soon!

Blimey but Ella has a big gob. She's like the lovechild of Adele and the Aquafresh flip-top man.

You'll know me. I never change. Well, I did once, but I didn't like it.

I am beginning to believe the rumours that fake shakes Maloney is topping the phone votes week after week. He is going to win I can feel it in my water

Raah - the hoverererer. It reveals all. MsTow, you need a hoverererer

Do we think Harry Wandie will stab PrettyShit backstage?

The Great British Mash-Up. Here we go. I bought chocolate but ate it after lunch. Regretting that now

I've been buying the bogTf selection boxes and opening them all just to eat the nice ones. Sad fuck that I am.
So I am eating a caramel, like the bunny.

I like PrettyShit. I want to see photos of his Marine brother!

I have forgotten how to alter my hovererer

If Rylan is wearing a Union flag, I will cry.

I bought them Rudolph, I've opened them all and nabbed all the buttons!

Has Shitsinger come as the Man from DelMonte?

There'll be Nanfucker over The White Cliffs Of Doooover.

I think I'll go with this instead.

What's a hovererer?

My hairdresser today told me she loves James. I had to stop myself saying 'Who, fucking Pinhead?'

Would anyone like to see my Christmas namechange?

Ooh, long and hard, stiff etc etc. Hilaire.

Implies you're nourishing Father C with your ample buzzum, though Boffles? Or praps that's the look you're going for
Either breastfeeding or shagging Santa. Excellent