X Factor - Best of British Week. I think we'll need it.

[RudolphUcker]

Tis I btw, Sue. In Christmas guise.

So it's Dear Old Blighty week. This is a new thing and promises to be second in mawkishness and misplaced patriotism only to the MiliWives screeching Jerusalem at the Pride of Britain awards, wearing GingerSpice outfits, straddling a Gurkha apiece. In bowler hats. that may not have happened but I could see it

The Babyshits are paying tribute to the armed forces, in particular Pretty Shit's brother - who is a Marine fingers crossed for photos

Rylan is doing a mash-up. I am hoping for I Vow To Thee My Country mixed with London Town.

Nothing on the rest. Nanfucker doing 'Grandma, we love you'? Pinhead being angsty and 'urban'? Same old, same old

Oh, and Wand Erection are doing a one-off performance, in a cunning bid to get their entire fan base watching the Baby Shits.

Any predictions?

If, by any chance no chance I was thinking of going to see the tour- the prospect of seeing Nanfucker would put me off.

Erm- M and S have gone with an odd mashup of an advert.

Marks and Spencer are selling onesies!!

Ivor, well done. Excellent choice.

Lorieelee if you can also hear someone hoovering, which they have been doing seemingly for about five hours, then we must be neigbours

Ivor- you WIN Christmas. Fact. I am so voting for you.

top it up please Katie.

I like your Christmas name Ivor!

That's a lovely festive name Ivor, sums up the spirit of Xmas nicely I feel.

I'm sulking cos I can't think of a single name change that still has green/greeny in there somewhere

Aw shucks you guys. Thanks for noticing. I have a boil between my eyes that makes me look like a Pixar character and I'm feeling a bid needy.

I can't believe they've brought back Surprise Surfuckingprise. Eurgh.

Probably miles behind with this, but anyone else think Rylan knew he'd won the vote last week?

Er... GreenTinselAndTurkey? Don't use that one it's shit

At least they haven't dug up Cilla fit it though, the unutterable auld cunt

He sounds wetter than The Pennines.

TheGreen'sSpeech?

Ivor are you sounding the Sporn Klaxon?

They must do his fringe with a ruler

Ivor you have a boil I hope you have sounded the klaxon and started a thread in chat.

Ivor we need a picture!

Thanks Ivor I'm gonna use that one seeing as I came up with precisely nowt

GreenSproutsAndTheChristmasHam?

I have squeezed and squeezed and there's nothing coming Katie You know those weird face lumps old lady's have? I think it's basically one of those. It'll probably start sprouting hairs soon.

Ooh, it's chow mein, dh just said "hair by timpson"

The hell it was J-Hud. Could've been any one of Shitsiner's minions...

No hoover Katie, 'late fireworks obv a nationwide phenomenon. My name obv proving challenging in the wake of so much hooch :)